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Decisions From The Heart

1/30/2018

In last week's post, I invited you to practice listening more to the wisdom of your heart. Letting it guide you while your mind advises you, instead of the other way around.

This week, I want to provide a process for making decisions that are led by the heart. Making decisions that are led by our heart typically supports our overall happiness. These suggestions are taken from an article written by Paige Burkes titled Head vs. Heart.

The first step in this process is to pause and be still. We can't hear our heart if we don't stop to listen to what it's saying. Slow down, pause, be still and listen to it's wisdom.

The next step is to consider whether the decision supports your highest values. I've discussed in previous posts identifying your core values. Health, happiness, family, balance, adventure and spirituality are examples of core values. What are your highest values and does this decision support them?

Uncover all the available options. Allow your creative juices to flow and be open to alternative possibilities in the decision-making process. What are all of the options and how do these options factor into your values?

Let your monkey mind have it's say. Your mind will drive you crazy until you at least let it speak. List all of the pro's and the con's. Let your monkey mind get out all of its scary, fear-based thoughts.

Take some time. Take a deep breath, meditate, pray, take a walk, connect with nature. Turn it over and ask for your highest and best good. Listen for your answer, pay attention to the assignments and show up for them.

Reflect on everything you have uncovered and notice how it feels in your body. This exercise is not for your mind. Your heart speaks through your body. If you listen it will give you an answer.

Make your decision and take small right steps in that direction. As you move forward, continue to assess how your decision and your results feel in your body and in your heart and adjust as necessary. Be willing to continually reassess and make new choices.

Remember to use the S.T.O.P. technique...Stop, Take 3 deep breaths, Observe, Practice gratitude. Slow down enough each day to hear your inner voice and the voice of God.

Be grateful for new experiences, new opportunities, and for all of the new things you are learning. As Paige Burkes writes, "If things aren't working out, be grateful that you're one step closer to knowing what does work in your life."

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Our First Teacher Is Our Own Heart

1/23/2018

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Do you live and make decisions from your head or from your heart? We can feel the difference right? Decisions from the heart feel warm and fuzzy and full of love. Decisions from the head usually feel steeped in logical thinking and can at times be devoid of compassion. Decisions from the heart seem risky and vulnerable, while decisions from our heads feel safe, cautious and reasonable.

What would the world look like and feel like if we ventured down that long 12-18 inch space from our head to our heart? Making decisions and choices guided by our heart.

Why is it that leading with our heart feels so vulnerable and risky? Why is it that we feel a need to protect ourselves and put up walls? The need to protect our power, our privilege, our dreams, our money. We are cultured to believe that leading from our heart would not be beneficial, that it would be irresponsible and even stupid.

How many times have we received advice or given advice based on sheer logic and intellect with a disregard for the teachings of the heart?

I'm not suggesting that we be reckless and dangerous, but I am suggesting that we allow ourselves to be guided by our heart. That we listen to our heart and the wisdom that is has to offer and is teaching us. That we be guided by compassion, forgiveness, love and grace, instead of fear.

I like how authors Ed and Deb Shapiro explain it, "The heart has been described as the king, with the mind as the king's adviser. When faced with a decision, the king may ask his advisers for advice, may even send them out into the world to gather information, but ultimately it is the king that makes the final decision. Even though the advisers do not always agree with the king's decision, the king is invariably right, because the king's view not only sees the bigger picture but is also aware of the needs of others."

They go on to explain, "In the same way, when faced with a decision or conflict, your mind may come up with numerous, different and quite logical reasons why you should act as it advises, but if you listen to and trust your heart—however illogical or irrational it may seem—it is usually right and you are happier as a result."

Your heart is where your intuition resides. If we get still and listen, it is full of wisdom. The heart and its powerful energy is what I believe our world needs more than anything our minds can conjure up. When we tap into the wisdom of our heart we are in alignment with the truth of our being. The essence of who we are, our higher self. There is so much value to listening to our heart as it is the essence of our spiritual being.

Before you make that decision or choice, take time to pause, be still and listen to the guidance of your heart. Ask yourself what you value and what is in alignment with the truth of your being. Will your decision support these values, will it be in alignment?

I invite you to practice letting go of your fear and your need to control, and to listen more to the wisdom of your heart. Let it guide you while your mind advises you.

Next week's post will include a process for making decisions that are led by the heart. Typically, these are decisions that will help to support your overall happiness.

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Daily Practice

1/16/2018

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This week I want to share with you a really important and impactful daily practice that I learned from Brene Brown's book Braving The Wilderness. It goes hand-in-hand with some affirmations that I also love to use (more on these later).

Here is Brene's recommended daily practice, "Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don't belong. You will always find it because you've made that your mission. Stop scouring people's faces for evidence that you're not enough. You will always find it because you've made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don't negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you."

Do you consider yourself to be your worst critic? I think a lot of us are hard on ourselves, probably a lot harsher than anyone else (most of the time anyway). We often take this self criticism and reflect it outward by looking for confirmation from others that we don't belong, or that we are not enough. It then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

I don't know about you, but I can still sometimes get caught up in bashing myself for things I wish I wouldn't have done or said from decades ago. Things I can in no way change and that no one, besides myself, is even remembering let alone thinking about anymore. Do you do that too?

What if we quit walking around each day looking for reasons that we don't belong or that we're not good enough? What would life look like?

There are a few affirmations that I've worked with over the years that I really love and have helped me walk through life with a different mindset. The first one is super simple, it's "I am enough." That's it, short and sweet, "I am enough." Repeating it over and over to myself until it sinks into my bones.

The second one is a little longer, but it carries with it magic. This one is thanks to my friend Haywood Simmons. It goes like this, "I am enough and I bring creative solutions everywhere I go." If I'm faced with a challenge of any kind this is my go to affirmation. Repeating it over and over to myself until it seeps into my bones..."I am enough and I bring creative solutions wherever I go."

This simple "I am enough" affirmation can be modified however it works for you. It's a powerful reminder that we belong and we are enough, just the way we are...perfectly and uniquely imperfect. Just the way God created us to be.

Imagine how we might show up for the world if we were all feeling adequate. Imagine if our mindset was in place to believe that we were enough and could bring creative solutions wherever we went. What might be possible if we felt whole and complete? What if we didn't let our own fear take over and rule us? Imagine the possibilities.

I invite you to give it a try. Walk through the world with affirmations of being enough and stop looking for confirmation that you are not. See how you feel. I would love to hear how it goes!

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Do You Feel Lonely?

1/9/2018

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Do you feel lonely? Loneliness and being alone can be very different things. We can feel lonely even when we are amongst a crowd. It can actually be a more painful feeling, a lonelier feeling than when we are physically alone.

Have you experienced feeling lonely when you are with the people or when you are alone? I know I have. Maybe it's because you feel like you don't fit in, or that you aren't accepted, aren't seen or heard, maybe because you don't feel like you're enough.

Neuroscience researcher John Cacioppo has been studying loneliness for over 20 years. He defines loneliness as, "perceived social isolation." We experience loneliness when we feel disconnected. Therefore, loneliness is not just being alone. Loneliness is a state of mind.

Did you know that loneliness is bad for your health? Based on the results of numerous studies on loneliness, researchers have found that: Living with air pollution increases your odds of dying early by 5%. Living with obesity by 20%. Excessive drinking by 30%. And living with loneliness increases your odds of dying early by a whooping 45%. The need for social connection is so fundamental in humans that without it we fall apart, down to the cellular level.

According to Brene Brown in her book, Braving The Wilderness, in 1980 approximately 20% of Americans reported feeling lonely. Today, it's more than double that percentage. Rates of loneliness are rapidly increasing not only in America, but also in countries around the world.

It seems strange doesn't it that in 2018 we would be feeling more lonely? I mean we are more "connected" than ever aren't we? We have email and cell phones, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and Snapchat, we have airline travel all making staying "connected" so much easier.

In recent years our society has been promoting the idea of sorting ourselves into groups of like-minded people. As Bill Bishop in his book, The Big Sort, states, "We’ve geographically, politically, and even spiritually sorted ourselves into like-minded groups in which we silence dissent, grow more extreme in our thinking, and consume only facts that support our beliefs. As a result, we now live in a giant feedback loop, hearing our own thoughts about what’s right and wrong bounced back to us by the television shows we watch, the newspapers and books we read, the blogs we visit online, the sermons we hear, and the neighborhoods we live in.".

Brene Brown goes on to explain, "This sorting leads us to make assumptions about the people around us, which in turn fuels disconnection. Shouldn't 'You're either with us or against us' have led to closer ties among the like-minded? The answer to these questions is a resounding and surprising no. At the same time sorting is on the rise, so is loneliness."

Brown continues, "Clearly, selecting like-minded friends and neighbors and separating ourselves as much as possible from people whom we think of as different from us has not delivered that deep sense of belonging that we are hardwired to crave."

Loneliness tells us that we need social connection, something as important to our well-being as food and water. Cacioppo explains that, "Denying you feel lonely makes no more sense than denying you feel hunger."

Brown goes on to explain that, "When we feel isolated, disconnected, and lonely, we try to protect ourselves. In that mode, we want to connect, but our brain is attempting to override connection with self-protection. That means less empathy, more defensiveness, more numbing, and less sleeping. The brain's self-protection mode often ramps up the stories we tell ourselves about what's happening, creating stories that are often not true or exaggerate our worst fears and insecurities. Unchecked loneliness fuels continued loneliness by keeping us afraid to reach out."

Lonely people tend to find greater fault with themselves and with those around them. Their expectation is that others will be less friendly and less kind. This expectations become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Loneliness is also contagious, it's spreads out from one small ripple of interaction to the next.

Have you noticed your brain's response to feeling lonely? I have witnessed my brain going into self-protection mode and the exaggerated stories that I replay to myself causing me to experience more isolation.

Brown sums it up this way, "We seem to have forgotten that even when we're utterly alone, we're connected to one another by something greater than group membership, politics, and ideology...that we're connected by love and the human spirit. No matter how separate we are by what we think and believe, we are part of the same spiritual story."

In the end, people want to be connected, we are wired to need and desire human connection. We want to experience real connection. Cultures of "us versus them" have created feelings of disconnection and a diminished sense of shared humanity. We have normalized dehumanizing groups of people. In many cases the only thing that binds us together in these like-minded groups is shared fear, anger and hatred.

I will explore the idea of developing real connection more in future posts.

Please join me for my next DreamBank presentation on February 22nd from 6:15-7:30 pm. The event is free although registration is requested. The DreamBank is an awesome place sponsored by American Family and offers regular free events to the community. You can register at:
www.dreamfearlessly.com/event/dream-big-the-power-of-small-ripples-with-tracy-traeder/. I would love to have you join me!

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Decisions From The Heart

Our First Teacher Is Our Own Heart

Daily Practice

Do You Feel Lonely?

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