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I Love You And There's Nothing You Can Do About It

5/28/2019

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Do you choose fear or do you choose love? This is a question that I ask myself often. Am I choosing fear or am I choosing love? It can be a hard one at times, it's ingrained in us to root ourselves in fear, we are conditioned to believe that it's necessary for our survival.

I recently had the privilege of listening to John O'Leary speak. He was inspiring, so I decided to read his book, On Fire: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life. In his talk and book, he shares his thoughts on fear and love which mirror my own. It served as an important reminder to me, so I want to share 
his thoughts with you along with an awesome statement that has the power to radically change and inspire your life. 


In the book John explains, "Fear is rooted in what may happen, something that does not even exist in reality. Yet how frequently we allow this emotion to consume our thoughts, ultimately deciding the course of our lives." Isn't that true? With fear we are concerned about what "might happen". We get all hung up and consumed with...what if this and what if that. 

John explains that fear suffocates...it suffocates creativity, openness, trust and possibility. It keeps us from being accountable, waiting for someone else to step forward and solve things. It keeps us from going all in, from taking risks, from being vulnerable. It keeps us small, telling us to hold back in case something goes wrong. Fear keeps us in a victim mentality, blaming others and thinking why me? Fear focuses us on ourself and keeps us stuck. Fear is no way to run a government, an organization, a family, or a life. 

John writes, "All day long we get to choose how we approach each moment. We are free to live out of fear: How is this guy going to take advantage of me? I better cock my fist. Or, I better keep my guard up, this guy might steal my account. Or, okay, I'm already running late, I'm going to cut people off, walk with my head down, and make life all about me. My needs. My wants. My life. Me."

In regard to love he states, "Love is not just reserved for our inner circle. Our friends and family. It is intended to be the currency of our world. Offered to everyone you meet. If you are going to transform your life from a series of obligations to a long list of moments for joy, then you have to learn the secret. The secret is to say in your head to every person you meet, 'I love you and there's nothing you can do about it.' When you say it to yourself it changes the way you look at someone, it changes what you think about someone, it changes how you interact with someone, it changes what you're thinking about, it changes what turns you off and what turns you on, and it certainly changes what you're going to do next about it...Love gives you a laser like focus on what is truly important. Without it, we are frozen in the dark. With it, we light up the world...Those words allow you to focus on others, on their needs and on what they are saying. It keeps you mindful of what they might need in that moment, instead of what they might take from you; or what you might get from them...I love you drops your barriers, then theirs."

​He concludes, "Choose to let go of fear and operate, lead, and live from a place of unconditional love...What if we approached each situation in our lives through the lens of love rather than the lens of fear?" Can you imagine how the world might change if we all practiced silently repeating that phrase to ourself and began to live and lead from a place of love?

I invite you to soak that all in and to reflect on it. Those are some powerful words and thoughts. I am working on practicing saying this statement either in my head or out loud with every interaction that I have with others. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's a challenge, but it serves as a reminder to me to live through the lens of love rather than the lens of fear and to remember that we are all one. There really is no place where I stop and you start. 
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You Can't Be What You Can't See

5/21/2019

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Our belief systems are so important, they help dictate and ultimately determine how we view life and what we believe to be possible. If you are desiring to accomplish a dream that seems far-fetched then changing your belief system is a critical first step. It’s important to surround yourself with examples of how others have done something similar. Surrounding yourself through books, movies, and people who have been courageous at creating something similar. 

Another great way to work toward achieving a dream is to utilize the tool of visualization. You can’t be what you can’t see. If you can visualize it into being then you can create it into being. You can’t create what you can’t imagine, so imagining it by surrounding yourself with examples of how others have done something similar, and then visualizing what you want to create is powerful. 

I believe that it’s important to start each day with a clear idea of what you hope to achieve. If you start it with clearly defined intentions, everything in your conscious, subconscious, and higher mind will focus on supporting them. Where your attention goes, energy flows. What you give attention to you are going to bring to life. Concentrate your attention on the few things that will make a difference. 

According to Sonia Choquette, author of the book Trust Your Vibes At Work, and Let Them Work for You, the best way to set your intentions is to develop the art of visualization. Here are five tips for setting your intentions and using visualization from the book.

5 Tips For Setting Intentions
  1. Wake up a few minutes earlier.
  2. Before rising, mentally review your schedule for the day ahead.
  3. Imagine each person or situation that you’ll face, along with the outcome you want to create with each one.
  4. Visualize every encounter, project, and assignment flowing smoothly.
  5. Breathing deeply as you see your day, leave room for even greater successes than you can imagine and expect the best.  

Get up 15 minutes earlier than usual, and while still in bed, review everything your schedule for the day. Decide what you hope to create and achieve from each task. At the same time, honestly assess your emotional and mental approach to each event. Are you looking forward to it, or are you hesitant and resistant? If you’re feeling negative, what’s causing your discomfort? The more specifically you can preview your day, the more clarity and receptivity you’ll invite in from your intuitive mind throughout the day.

Next, ask yourself these basic questions:


  1. What do I have scheduled today?
  2. What do I want to get out of this experience?
  3. How do I feel about the events I have in place?

Then pay attention to your responses. If you’re uncomfortable about anything, ask yourself about the insecurity, challenge it.

Doing this for a few minutes each morning, before you start your day, will help to activate your intuitive muscles. View these exercises as business meetings with your higher consciousness. As Sonia Choquette says, “Do not underestimate the power of envisioning your day. A few minutes spent imagining wonderful things in the morning can turn an ordinary day into a miracle-making one.”
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What More Can I Do?

5/14/2019

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Have you started journaling yet? Recording your thoughts, experiences, life questions and challenges, your reflections, chronicling your day? It's something that I am currently working on doing and share as a key strategy for creating and sustaining happiness. 

​I attended a seminar last week and the presenter, John O'Leary, had a journaling suggestion that I really like. He said to end the day journaling and to include the question, "What more can I do?" I love this for a few reasons.

​I believe that asking this question each day helps to create perspective,W similar to the way ending the day journaling about things that you are grateful for does. It causes us to get outside of ourself, our life, our problems and challenges by stretching 
ourself with "What more can I do?" What more can I do to grow and learn? What more can I do to care for myself? What more can I do to be of service to someone else? What more can I do for the world?  What more can I do to love?

Keeping perspective on life is super important. It can be easy for us to focus on the negative things going on in our life and our world. It's important to recognize all of the goodness that is also around us in abundance. Spending a few minutes in reflection each day helps us to keep this perspective.

Practicing compassion is one of the strategies to leading a happy, connected life. Each day taking a few moments to reflect on..."What more can I do?"...helps cultivate compassion. It identifies ways that we can reach out and be of service in some way to someone else. Maybe that means praying for them, sending them positive loving energy, maybe it means offering to help, maybe it means thinking of the next thing you could provide them as an opportunity, the list is endless and sometimes just taking the time to consider it is all that is necessary. 

​You might be thinking that you don't have time for journaling, let alone considering what you could do for someone else. I totally get that and yet I still invite and encourage you do it. I believe you will reap so many benefits from this practice that it'll be time worth spending. 

Gratitude, compassion and connection are all important variables in leading a happy life. Utilizing journaling as a vehicle for cultivating these key variables makes for an awesome combination. Give it a try!
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Be Curious Release Judgment

5/7/2019

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I remember when my kids were young and they had endless questions..."Why? Why? Why?"...would ring in my ears endlessly. They were curious about everything, wanting to learn and understand everything in this big world around them. Never satisfied with just one answer, but wanting to probe and be inquisitive and absorb more and more. 

I feel like over the course of time we lose some of that curiosity, or it's suppressed in order to not be seen as a nuisance to those around us. In general as a society, we teach our children to not question authority, to not question society, to not question the status quo, to not question their teachers, leaders, elders, politicians, etc. It seems as though over time we lose a lot of that childlike curiosity. To some degree we stop questioning, stop being curious, stop learning and instead start judging.

On some level maybe we don't want to give away that it's something we don't already know. To be curious implies that we don't already have all of the answers. God forbid should someone think we don't already know.

Or is it that as adults we don't have the time to be curious? We are so busy with our lives and running on the hamster wheel that we simply don't have the time, capacity, desire to engage in the effort of being curious. 

It seems like we have replaced curiosity with judgment. Instead of being curious about someone or something, we quickly resort to judging them or it instead. We form quick conclusions based on what we think we know and how it fits with the little bubble that we live in. We sync up with those who are like-minded and judge the rest as being "wrong". 

It can feel maybe safer to judge and stay in our bubble and keep others in their bubble instead of trying to understand, instead of being curious. If we are curious and we learn a little more than we run the risk of being confused, of not having concrete answers that judgment seems to provide. We want a "right" and a "wrong" answer, that feels manageable and safe. Our view of the world and of people might shift and that can feel scary. 

I listened to an episode of Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, where she was interviewing film and television producer Brian Grazer about his new book, A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life. I love Brian's ideas on expanding our curiosity, a trait he attributes to his success and says should be as much a part of our culture as creativity and innovation. Brian made a decision early on in his career to seek out "curiosity conversations" with at least one new person each day. He stresses how all of us can benefit from this practice of stepping outside our comfort zones. 

Brian discussed and gave examples of how these "curiosity conversations" helped his career, opened up doors for him, and caused him to be a more connected and interesting person. I love the idea of engaging in curiosity conversations. Conversations where we are just really trying to connect with another human being and learn about them, their life, their interests, their passions, their career, their thoughts, their opinions. What an easy and powerful way to gain awareness of our world, gain perspective, see life through another lens, gain empathy, gain knowledge. 

Here's another way to look at the concept of holding "curiosity conversations"...We've all had conversations with people where we walk away feeling good about the person, like they heard us, were interested in us. On the flip side, we've all had conversations where we walked away and felt like we were "talked to" or not understood, not heard, or where the person wasn't really present. I aspire for my interactions with people to end with them feeling acknowledged versus judged or disregarded. We've all felt the difference. 
Approach everyone and every situation with curiosity and release judgment. 

The concept of leading a curious life appeals to me. I don't want to squelch my curiosity. I don't want to instantly judge or follow the status quo, or what someone, or what society tells me I should be thinking or asking about. I don't want to be so busy all the time that I don't have a few minutes to engage in a real conversation with the person next to me. It's important for us to explore, to question, to engage in life. Be curious about other people, be curious about where our food comes from, be curious about our spirituality, be curious about a country we are visiting, be curious about other cultures and races, be curious about what our heart is telling us, be curious about our purpose, the list is endless. 

I love this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert, "A curiosity-driven life is a beautiful thing. Following your curiosity begins a scavenger hunt that can lead you to amazing places...It might even lead you to your passion."
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