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Top Five Regrets Of The Dying

4/26/2022

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Bronnie Ware is a nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
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Ware writes, "People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal."

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so much.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
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5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

Ware concludes, "When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."

Do any of these resonate with you? What are your regrets? Each moment brings a new opportunity to choose again, with it we can intentionally move toward alignment with our truth and elimination of regret. 
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The Sunlight Of Awareness

4/19/2022

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A beautiful quote by Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hanh that I love is, “Each thought, each action in the sunlight of awareness becomes sacred. If you touch one thing with deep awareness, you touch everything.” I absolutely love this, it brings forth wonderful imagery. 

The word sacred means connected with God. Therefore, the quote becomes...each thought, each action in the sunlight of awareness becomes connected with God. 

I like to envision holding out my thought, or my action, in the sunlight of awareness and then ask myself, "Is this a godly thought, or is this a godly action?" That deep awareness of being connected with God, being one with all, and shining a bright ray of light on that deep awareness with the knowledge that it touches everything. 

This doesn't mean that we won't have challenging feelings like anger, frustration, sadness, etc. I'm not a proponent of sweeping these feelings under the rug and ignoring them. However, we can bring awareness to our feelings, to our thoughts, and reactions to those feelings. A lot of times our thoughts and reactions to the feeling is the piece that causes us to get stuck. 

Yesterday I was reminded to "embrace the anger", to use it as fuel for positive change. This is a good example of how we can either choose to use our anger destructively and gear our thoughts and reactions toward things like vengeance, or we can use our anger productively toward something like steps to correct an injustice, etc. Anger can be a wonderful motivator, a change agent. 


Pastor and entrepreneur, Russ Ewell, explains that, “'Deep Awareness' is a spiritual sensitivity to God and his Word that awakens our conscience, and stirs up the transformative power of the Holy Spirit for change. This awareness keeps us from slipping back into old patterns of life or attitudes of mind. Most importantly, 'Deep Awareness' keeps us confident of God’s grace, so we can navigate the difficult or even discouraging stages of our spiritual journey, and reach the destiny to which God has called us."

This quote reminds me to live with a deeper awareness, to bring my thoughts and actions into the sunlight of awareness, to continuously remember my connection to God and to all. 

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Yoga instructor Lisa Mccormack sums it up beautifully, "When we walk united in deep awareness and stand undivided in our intention, our collective energy is exponentially magnified. The next person you meet needs this from us right now. You may need this from us right now. Join me in creating an energetic tapestry of compassion and hope to surround and comfort all living beings who are suffering in the world right now." 

​Amen
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Grow Your Emotional Intelligence

4/11/2022

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You may have heard that your level of emotional intelligence is more important to your success than your IQ. While IQ is a strong predictor of academic success, it alone is not enough to set you up for success in life. Researchers have shown that our success at work or in life depends 80% on emotional intelligence and only 20% on IQ. 

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to understand and manage emotional encounters. Individuals who score highly on emotional intelligence tend to be better able to handle everyday stress, foster a greater number of meaningful close relationships, be more socially competent, and reach their goals and aspirations. 

Emotionally intelligent people have mastered different emotional skills, where each skill contributes to one or more aspects of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be learned and fostered. My new program offering, The Compass: An Emotional Intelligence Program, is designed to assist with cultivating emotional intelligence skills in the following four key areas:

1. Noticing and understanding emotions in oneself. This involves the ability to understand one’s deep emotions and be able to express them naturally. A person with high ability in this area will be better than most people in sensing and acknowledging their emotions.

2. Effective regulation of emotion in oneself. This involves the ability to effectively deal with one’s own emotions. A person with high capability in this aspect will be better than most people in preventing their emotions from automatically influencing their behavior. For instance, when a person with high emotion regulation skills experiences anger, they will be able to manage the anger in a compassionate, healthy and productive way that creates psychological comfort. 

3. Using emotions to facilitate performance. This relates to the ability to make use of emotions by directing them toward constructive activities and personal performance. A person who is highly capable in this aspect is able to encourage themselves to continuously do better and direct their emotions in positive, productive and creative directions.

4. Noticing and understanding emotions in others. This relates to the ability to perceive and understand emotions in other people. A person with high ability in this area will be better than most people at noticing and understanding other people’s emotions.

These four steps will help you elevate your emotional intelligence. Please reach out to me if you are interested in learning more about the program.
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The Practice Of Awe

4/5/2022

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The feeling of awe, have you felt it lately? It's that wonderful, heart-opening feeling of amazement, wonder, reverence and inspiration. We usually experience it when we feel we are in the presence of some greater force.

Lately, I've been feeling awe at the beauty of nature. Springtime in Wisconsin can bring about the sense of awe in the cycle of nature. It's easy out in nature to feel awe if you are paying attention or actively practicing awe.

You might be thinking, "What do you mean actively practicing awe? Is this a thing?" The answer is yes, it is a thing! A lot research is coming out on the power of awe and the intentional practice of cultivating the feeling. 

The feeling of awe is good for your health and helps us to revise our mental models of what's possible in the world. 
A new UC Berkeley study reveals that awe can even improve physical and mental health, possibly even lowering the risk of many forms of disease ... benefits similar to those enjoyed by eating right and exercising. As Berkeley psychology professor Dacher Keltner puts it, “Don’t underestimate the power of goosebumps.”
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This most recent research out of UC Berkeley links positive emotions ... especially the awe we feel when touched by the beauty of nature, art, and spirituality ... with lower levels of pro-inflammatory proteins that signal the immune system to work harder.

And the good news is that you can promote your health with an awe experience as simple as watching a sunset, or even looking at a picture of an awe-inspiring sunset. As Dr. Dacher Keltner put it, "That awe, wonder, and beauty promote healthier levels of cytokines suggests that the things we do to experience these emotions ... a walk in nature, losing oneself in music, beholding art ... has a direct influence upon health and life expectancy."

Awe can be found in almost any environment, turning a mundane or ordinary experience into one of inspiration, wonder and awe. We're more likely to feel awe in a new place, where the sights and sounds are unfamiliar to us. 

The key to feeling awe is to be in the right frame of mind, then you can turn an ordinary walk into a series of awe-inspiring moments, filled with awesome surprises. The practice of awe is easy and can be done anywhere, anytime.

​During your next walk, approach what you see with a fresh set of eyes, even if you are walking in the city versus out in a natural landscape. Look for the beauty, look for the awe-inspiring sights. You might find it in a skyscraper, some amazing architectural work, a beautiful art piece, a beam of sunlight dancing through a window, a gesture of another person, the giggle of a young child. The possibilities are endless!

I invite and encourage you to practice awe by building into your day mini awe interventions!
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