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Happiness is Not a Destination, It's a State of Being

1/26/2016

If you were asked what your greatest wish in life is, how would you respond? Most people would include being happy as one of their greatest wishes in life. When people are on their death bed what do you think is one of there top 5 biggest regrets in life? Yep, you guessed it...that they didn't allow themselves to be happy. There is a huge disconnect between what most people desire out of life and in the end how they feel about the outcome.

Why is this? Why do we desire to be happy and not allow ourselves to be happy? I believe that part of the reason for this discrepancy is due to society's view of happiness, society's model for happiness, and that we don't understand the tools we need to navigate our way through life’s challenges.

Society tends to view happiness as something to pursue, as something that is fleeting, that it's a destination, or as something that just occasionally happens to us. "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness" is a well-known phrase from the United States Declaration of Independence. This suggests that happiness is something to be chased, something to be pursued, that it's existence is not something that can be sustained.

Society's model for happiness typically goes like this...I'll be happy once I graduate from school and get a good job, I'll be happy once I have a better job, I'll be happy once I meet my soulmate, I'll be happy once I get married, I'll be happy once I can buy a house, I'll be happy once I have kids, I'll be happy when I get a better job, when I can retire and on and on and on. Sound familiar? The current model for happiness causes us to always chase happiness, meanwhile happiness is always falling off the edge of the horizon.

Society's current model for happiness is backwards. Happiness comes first and research has proven that success will follow.

In the past scientists focused their studies on disease and mental health concerns. They studied depression and people who were depressed. They studied stress and anxiety and people who were stressed and anxious. They studied cancer and other illnesses and people who had cancer and disease. It wasn't until recent years that scientists began to shift this model and to study what made people well, about positivity, and happiness.

This shift has developed a wealth of new information on how to bring more positivity, health and happiness into our lives, as well as the benefits to our lives. The results of this information are astounding! Small changes in our mindset and in our habits are capable of creating huge shifts in our happiness and within short periods of time. Having a positive mind, versus a negative or even neutral mind, creates amazing benefits to our ability to be healthy, to be successful, to our productivity, and to our creativity.

Happiness is a state of being, not a destination. Happiness is a work ethic. Living in a positive emotional place is a choice. Sure there are going to be challenges along the way, but it's a choice whether to get stuck in those challenges. What do you choose? Do you have the tools to help navigate yourself through the challenges without getting stuck?

I invite you to join me for our Happy Hump Day Lunch Talks every Wednesday where we will share tools for navigating your way to a happier life. Or join me for our next Happiness Workshop where we are excited to share with you, in depth, all of our life changing information, along with the personal experiences of having applied it in our own lives. This information is not only important for you, but these are awesome tools for us to teach our children, so they are equipped with a toolbox full of life navigating techniques :)

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Spiritual Surrender

1/19/2016

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This past Sunday, I had the pleasure of listening to Gabby Bernstein and Kris Carr's annual Crazy Sexy Miracles Lecture. These two woman always inspire me and share some great spiritual lessons. I want to share with you something that Gabby discussed during their lecture that I found to be helpful. It's about surrendering.

Gabby started out by sharing that this past year she had planned to get pregnant. She described how she mapped out her whole year around the plan of getting pregnant. She had decided when exactly this event would work best into her schedule. In detail she planned out her calendar to accommodate the pregnancy. She turned down work engagements and each month would look out 9 more months and decide what her calendar would look like. She was working hard to control the process. With the passing of each month, she was getting more and more frustrated.

Sound at all familiar to you? Can you think of a time in your life where you were trying to control and force an event into being? Gabby finally came to the realization that she needed to surrender, that she needed to let go of what she thought the plan should be. Here are the 3 steps that she recommended for spiritual surrender.

1. Take your hands off the wheel (ok I just have to say that this reminds me of a Carrie Underwood song :)). In what ways are you trying to control it? Instead ask, how would you use me? How can I be of service? Show me the plan. Stop controlling, let go, take your hands off the wheel.

2. Turn over time. The key to releasing time is to dwell in the moment. To be in the present moment. When we live ahead that's when we get un trouble. Instead ask yourself, what is it that I can do right now to enjoy this moment and make it a miracle? Let go of the agenda, let go of your timeframes, turn over time.

3. Give up the outcome. The secret to prayer is to forget what you want to happen. To celebrate what you have. Allow yourself to celebrate the stillness. Ask for God's plan for you, not your plan for you. Ask for your highest and best good and give up the outcome.

Gabby says, "When you think you've surrendered surrender some more." Sometimes what you think is in your highest and best good, isn't what's truly in your highest and best good. When things don’t seem to go our way, we can let go of our idea of how things should be. Set your intention and then be open to it happening in a different way, a better way.

I love her advice. One thing that I have worked on the past couple of years is asking what is God's plan for me and how can I be of service versus what is my plan and what's in it for me. I now focus on having faith, having trust that what is meant for me will be shown to me. I pay attention to the signs and opportunities that come my way.

What do you think about this advice? Are there areas in your life that could use some spiritual surrender? I would love to hear your thoughts and examples. Drop me a comment or send me a message!

"And in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe." Deepak Chopra

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What we do matters

1/12/2016

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Do you believe that what you do matters? That what you think matters? That what you believe matters? That what you say matters? That how you act matters? Or how about that YOU matter? And by mattering, I mean that you are impactful. Impactful to not only you, but also to those around you, and to the world and to the universe as a whole.

I know that sometimes I operate in my own microcosm. It's easy to go through life under the assumption that what we do doesn't matter. That what we do doesn't have an impact on our own lives directly, let alone have an indirect impact on those around us, or on our community, or on the world. It can be easy to glide through life without considering that what we do matters or that WE matter.

Do you remember my rice experiment? If you haven't seen it yet, or if you haven't seen it in a while, I invite you to look back at my January 27, 2015 post. The rice experiment that I did with my family is a great demonstration of how what we say, what we think, and what we believe matter. Our words and our thoughts vibrate out into the universe on a frequency and are impactful to those around us and to ourselves. What we think and say matters.

Did you know that even observing someone who is stressed or negative has an immediate effect on our own nervous system? Did you know that you don't even have to see or hear someone to pick up on their stress or negativity, that our bodies are designed to smell it? Your brain can detect "alarm pheromones" that are released by others. Negativity and stress can literally waft into your space. What we do matters.

You may never know the impact that you have on others, but what you do matters. Whether you are a student, or a professional, or a homemaker, or a homeless person, no matter your profession, your status, or your walk in life, what you do matters.

There is a whole lot of research that's been done in recent years that demonstrates the power of what we think and what we say and what we do. Research that demonstrates the health implications, the relationship effects, the impact on our success, the implications to our earnings, to our productivity, our creativity, and our overall happiness. YOU matter. What YOU do matters.

What do you think? Do you believe that what you think, say and do matters? I would love to hear your thoughts, please leave me a comment of send me an email.

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Up Until Now...

1/5/2016

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Many of us have made resolutions and goals for the year. These resolutions most likely involve a new habit or a change in mindset. It can be hard to change old habits, old patterns of what we do and how we do it. It can be especially hard to change our patterns of thinking and our sometimes negative 'self-talk'. I've learned some little tricks that have helped me to effect change in my own habits. Some of them I have already shared in previous blog posts. Today I want to focus on couple more.

Do you ever catch yourself saying either silently or out loud, "I can't do that" or "I have never been good at that" or "I've tried and failed" or anything remotely close to those phrases? I know I have and it's amazing how we really convince ourselves of these beliefs of what we are capable of accomplishing.

I've mentioned in some of my other posts about the power of our thoughts and words and in particular the words "I am" and what follows it. Our thoughts and our words become our beliefs. Our thoughts and our words directly impact our world. They are important, they matter.

If you find yourself saying that you can't do something quickly self-correct by adding three simple words to the end of the sentence...up until now. Pamla Ashlay-McPherson contends that if you add the words "up until now" to the end of any sentence that you say or think that is negative or stops or blocks your growth for one year that you will change your entire life. I can't sit still to meditate...up until now. I don't have time to exercise...up until now. I don't like vegetables...up until now :) Give it a try and see what happens!

Let's talk for a minute about habits. As I've mentioned before, in the past I wasn't real fond of habits and routines. I thought of them as mundane and boring and without purpose. That's until I began to understand the importance of them. Once I had a different understanding of them I began to appreciate their role.

So, why are habits important? Habits automate routine activities and they eliminate decision making, both of which frees up our minds. Walking, writing, talking, tying our shoes, chewing, brushing teeth are all automatic leaving us the ability to perform other functions. Habits simplify life and reduce the amount of sensory stimuli we need to process. This saves us energy. Things that we can do automatically require little physical and mental strength to complete. Good habits serve to create routine, order and efficiency.

An important consideration before implementing any life change is to ask why you want it. Dig down into your motivations and keep asking “Why?” until it stops being an intellectual exercise and you provide a deeply emotional answer.

Once you have the fundamental why for your new goal or habit, the next step is to believe that you can make it happen. Get pumped, get psyched, develop a sense of certainty that you can do it. There’s been a lot of research on the biology of belief at the cellular level, so work on believing that you can make it happen. Another trick to be aware of is that the brain can’t really tell the difference between a scene you actually see and one you imagine vividly. So, envision in great detail accomplishing this goal, implementing this habit and what your life would be like.

The next critical step is to give yourself a lot of “small wins”. Plan for incremental changes. For example, if your goal is to become a vegan, stop eating animal products once a week at first, then twice a week, etc., until you’ve stopped completely. Each small victory of a meat-free day rewards you with a boost in dopamine. When we achieve a goal, dopamine is released in the brain, making us feel good. Dopamine contributes to pleasure and joy, but new studies indicate that it is also essential for habit formation. The satisfaction of a small success keeps you going and makes you want to do better.

You can boost up the dopamine even more by rewarding yourself and celebrating your win. If your goal was to workout three times per week and you accomplish it, maybe treat yourself to a new pair of running shoes. Releasing more dopamine will help you form positive habits by allowing you to feel joy. Consider creating a reward for yourself every time you achieve a small victory. So, instead of focusing on a negative, like that you’re still not fully vegan after three months (which releases all kinds of negative hormones in your body), celebrate that you’re now down to eating meat only three times a week compared to seven times, which will give you a dopamine boost, and make you progress even more, and more permanently.

Shawn Achor, Ph.D. recommends what the 3-20 second rule for establishing new habits. To introduce a new habit, we need to lower by 3-20 seconds the time needed to perform it, and to avoid an existing unwanted habit, we need to increase by 3-20 seconds the time needed to perform it. This rule helps to make new habits easier to adopt and old habits harder to maintain. For example, if your goal is to get up early and workout, set your running shoes by the bed, lay out your workout clothes and set out your breakfast the night before. These small tasks will make it a few seconds easier for you to accomplish your goal in the morning enough to cause you succeed.

Do the opposite for getting rid of bad habits. If you desire to watch less TV, take the batteries out of the remote control and place them in a drawer and put a book down where the remote usually resides. The simple act of having to put them back in will deter you from falling back into the bad habit.

I would love to hear your feedback on this post, was it helpful to you? How are you doing at setting yourself up for success with your new goals and habits for the year? Drop me a comment or send me an email to let me know!

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Happiness is Not a Destination, It's a State of Being

Spiritual Surrender

What we do matters

Up Until Now...

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