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I Sometimes Struggle With Forgiveness

4/26/2016

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I sometimes struggle with forgiveness. There I said it, the cat is out of the bag. I just gotta be honest, forgiveness can, at times, be a hard one for me. I mean let's get real and raw and honest...I'm a hot mess sometimes when it comes to forgiveness! I've studied it, I've taught it, I believe in it, and yet it still can be a hard one to practice.

Of course it depends on the situation, some things are easier than others, but truth be told I can struggle with forgiveness. I struggle with forgiveness if I feel I am owed a heartfelt apology and I don't get one or if I've done something stupid that I regret. Forgiving myself and others...forgiveness can be messy!

Do you struggle with forgiveness? Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite because I know it's important to overall well-being and happiness and yet sometimes it can seem so gosh darn hard!!!

The injustice, the wound, the hurt feelings ughhh! I'm a kind and decent person, it's just feels so unfair sometimes! And don't you even think about hurting my babies...yikes the mama bear comes out!
 Oh and by the way, don't wound my loved ones either, I can mama bear them too in a heartbeat. Blaahhhh what am I saying I'm the happiness coach??? 
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Forgiveness is a muscle. The more we use it, the more we practice it, the stronger it gets, the easier it gets, the better that we get at doing it. 

Anger and bitterness cause dis-ease. There is a quote by Buddha that I love, it says, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."

People who practice forgiveness are healthier, happier, live longer, have less depression, lower levels of stress and they have longer marriages. A Course in Miracles says that, "Forgiveness is the key to happiness." I truly believe that to be the case. 

So what do we do when we struggle with forgiving someone? What do we do if we've tried and just can't seem to make it happen? 

Gabby Bernstein asks, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" That is so true sometimes isn't it? She suggests that we make practicing forgiveness a daily practice, a daily devotion, a daily intention to forgive yourself and to forgive others. She says that to want to forgive, to have the willingness to forgive is enough. She also recommends that we look inward and ask ourselves what was my role in the situation? 


I love what Marianne Williamson says, "If you want to change it pray for them. Pray for the person's happiness for 30 days every morning for 5 minutes." She goes on to say, "In the beginning it's really hard, but so what? Is it easy to sit there with the anger and bitterness and toxicity and blame? It's so much easier to bless someone versus blame them, not immediately, but long-term."

Forgiveness is not about forgetting, but about letting go. It is about choosing positive emotions over negative ones.

Exercising empathy is also an important piece to forgiveness. I remind myself that I'm seeing things through my own lens, from my perspective and that there are many other viewpoints, angles and possibilities. I also work to look for the lesson. What did I bring to the table and what can I learn from it?

I am working on building my forgiveness muscle. Each day I am setting my intention to forgive myself and others and to have a willingness to forgive. Each day I am praying for the happiness of those I desire to forgive. Each day I am choosing positive emotions over negative emotions.

Will you join me in flexing and strengthening your forgiveness muscle? I would love to hear your feedback. Do you sometimes struggle with forgiveness? What
strategies do you use to help you practice forgiveness? Was this post helpful to you? Please drop me a comment or send me an email.
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So Much Beauty!!!

4/19/2016

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Last week I invited you to take a few minutes to be inspired by nature. Did you work some nature time into the schedule? I didn't intend to do a follow up post this week, but I just couldn't help it! It's just so amazing outside right now! The grass is lush and green, the trees and bushes are budding, the flowers...oh my gosh the flowers are popping up every where! Even the dandelions look beautiful! I just had to write more about it and share this beautiful photo that my sister-in-law shared with me.

How about them birds? I am loving hearing their sweet singing, especially in the early evening time. A couple of beautiful red cardinals have been visiting me the past few days and hanging around long enough for me to observe them for a while. As I am writing this they have visited several times :)  A big fat robin landed on the window sill during our happiness workshop last Saturday, it just sat there for a few moments observing us. The birds are happy and enjoying the burst of warmth and sunshine.

I've taken my dog for a walk every day this past week. The sounds, the smells, the sights oh my! The breeze has been ever so gentle and refreshing, the sun toasty warm, the blue sky and fluffy white clouds, the pond water twinkling as the sun hits it, perfection if you ask me. God's creation is amazing!

At times it's quiet as can be outside and I have really enjoyed the peacefulness. At other times, you can hear the children playing, neighbors working out in their yard, I've really enjoyed hearing those sounds as well. Have you noticed them too? Are you stopping for a moment to soak it all in?

I've been taking long, slow, deep breaths in. Pulling all of that beauty in with the air. All of that renewing gorgeous energy from nature. A walking, breathing, nature meditation. 

My favorite thing to do while out in nature is to practice gratitude. Expressing my gratitude for the endless beauty that is surrounding me. It's amazing how this fills my mind, body and soul...my heart with joy, with love, with peace, with wonder, with grace, with faith, and with even more gratitude. Gratitude changes the lens by which we see the world. 

One of my other favorite things to do while walking the dog, or being out in nature, is a loving kindness meditation. Repeating to myself...May I be healthy and strong. May I be happy. May I be filled with ease. And then repeating this same phrase, directing it toward someone I love, someone in need, someone I am struggling with. It's simple, peaceful and makes me feel good. Great to do while sitting on the porch relaxing too! Long, slow, deep breaths in while repeating the loving kindness meditation...heaven right here on earth :)

Have you walked barefoot in the grass yet? Go on now, take your socks and shoes off and feel the earth beneath your feet! Walking barefoot is called grounding or earthing. The earth is negatively charged, so when you walk barefoot, you are connecting your body to a negatively charged supply of energy. Since the Earth has a greater negative charge than your body, you end up absorbing electrons from it. It's my understanding that this is beneficial to our body, one of the most potent antioxidants and may have an anti-inflammatory effects on your body as well. I love going barefoot, especially when the grass is so lush and green. 

There is so much beauty in nature at all times of the year, for me especially in the springtime. Feel it's energy, bask in it's beauty, breathe in the healing oxygen and delicious smell, soak in the sounds. Allow yourself the time to take a walk, sit under a tree, relax on your patio, or walk barefoot in the grass. Try practicing gratitude, some deep breathing, or a loving kindness meditation filling your mind, body and soul up with it's wonder and beauty. 

What have you been doing this spring to connect to nature? Have you been soaking it up and enjoying it too? I would love to hear how you are renewing your spirit this spring. Drop me a comment or send me an email!
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Renew and Reenergize

4/12/2016

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Have your days and weeks been full lately? Are you feeling a bit overwhelmed? It seems like many of us are going through a busy stretch right now. Is that the case for you? Are you feeling stressed, tired or worn out and yet there's still a long list of things that need to be accomplished? Are you raising your hand?

Last week's post talked about inspiring others, what inspires you? What nourishes your soul? What helps you to stay balanced, to reenergize, to stay calm, to maintain your happiness, what fills you back up? What inspires you? 

In the midst of managing a full schedule, we often pass up taking a few moments to nourish our soul, to be inspired, to reconnect to what's important. Yet these things that we trick ourselves into believing that we don't have time to do are the very things that will serve us. They are what will sustain us. They reenergize our mind, renew our body and fill our soul allowing for the creativity and energy to flow. What are these things for you?

The past several weeks the idea of connecting to nature kept coming up. And it came up over and over again this past weekend as I listened to several spiritual teachers. When asked what inspired these spiritual teachers they said nature. While listening as they shared the stories of their spiritual journey, the thing that came up time and time again was going to nature for inspiration, rejuvenation, connection and centering.


Nature is therapy. The stillness, the beauty, the awesomeness of God's creation brings us back to him and to our inner guidance.  As spiritual teacher Wayne Dyer said, "Indeed, the wilderness and all its natural sights and sounds is more than therapy; it is a connection, a link to your soul and the eternal creative energy of God."

Spring is the perfect time of year to engage with nature for renewal. I invite you to take a moment amidst the fullness of life to get out there and connect with nature. To breathe in all of God's glorious creation. Through nature, God is able to teach us, 
speak to us, and provide for us.

So take a few moments amongst the hustle and bustle to take a walk, to meditate under a tree, to smell the spring flowers and the budding trees, to breathe in the oxygen from the trees. Slow down and soak in it. Express gratitude for the sounds and smells of nature. I guarantee you will be more productive, more creative and reenergized!

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Can We Change Other People?

4/5/2016

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Do you think it's possible to change other people? There came a point in my younger adult life where I decided that it was impossible to change other people. Then I realized that my actions, my words, my behaviors could effect change in other people. Maybe not in huge dramatic shifts, but certainly in consistent smaller ripples that over time create bigger waves of change. 

I believe that if I practice forgiveness that others around me will be more inclined to practice forgiveness too. I believe if I practice being compassionate that those around me will be influenced to practice compassion as well. I believe that if I am loving and kind and grateful that those around me will pick up on being more loving and kind and grateful themselves. I believe in the possibility of impacting and creating ripples with people whose path I cross. 

Research and science provide evidence that when it comes to happiness and positivity that we can positively impact and effect change in others. Shawn Achor, a happiness researcher, author, and speaker known for his advocacy of positive psychology, suggests several ways to inspire positive change in others. His tips allow for subtle shifts, gentle ripples of change. Here  are his suggestions for creating shifts in others toward positivity and happiness.


Praise Habit - Praise one person new each day about a strength they posses and how they are using it. This quick habit is a powerful way to inspire happiness and a deep sense of confidence, one person at a time. 

The Power Lead - When you initiate a conversation, or a meeting, or any interaction start it off with something positive and optimistic. It establishes the trajectory for the rest of the conversation. Due to the mirror neuron effect the other person will typically respond in kind. We are modeling that positive behavior. It helps to set the tone for how that person sees the world. Something as simple as…”Hey it’s a great day, how are you doing?” 

There are multiple realities all the time. It’s important to choose the valuable reality and share that as your power lead, instead of sharing the negative reality. When we prioritize making a difference in the world, then we find meaning and that builds our happiness. 


The Positive Lead - Ask questions that don’t lead people to a specific answer, you are just leading them to positive territory. Instead of “how was your day?” ask “what was the best part of your day?” They can then scan their day and look for the positive. I especially love this one with my kids.

The 10/5 Way - This is a simple habit that entails acknowledging the another person. Here's how it works, when you are about to pass someone on the sidewalk or in a hallway, when you are 10 feet away initiate eye contact and then at 5 feet away say “hello”. It's a simple gesture that builds social connection. Studies have shown company morale to substantially increase with the implementation of just this one small gesture. 

Joy versus Junk - People bond more over joy than they do junk. If you know what motivates and brings someone joy than you bond with them more. Find ways to have conversations about joy more than about junk. Shift the water cooler talk to something positive. Strong social connections create happier lives.

Social Happy Hour - Invite a group of 2-3 friends/co-workers to have a conversation about what causes them the most happiness in their lives right now and what motivates them to wake up in the morning.

Some of the most meaningful and powerful moments of change in our life occur in the midst of deep connection. But in our fast paced world, it is easy for conversations to sometimes revolve around the “what” instead of the “why,” or focus on the fires we need to put out instead of the joy in the present moment. 

For the Social Happy Hour, your goal is to create connection around happiness. Have a conversation about what causes the most happiness in their lives right now, what they are grateful for, and what challenging negativity they might face. 

Research shows we feel much more connected to people when we know the motivation, rather than the gossip, on the people around us. 

Wave and/or Smile Campaign - A simple one second behavioral change can transform a whole community. Wave and/or smile as you pass by your neighbors and co-workers. 

Creating Victories - The key to getting other people to change their behavior is to give their brain a victory. We’ve got to get that first win before we can move people in that positive direction. Sometimes we get wins at work or at home and we don’t even know it because no one is telling us, no one is praising us. The only thing we may hear is the negative on the evaluation or from our parents letting us know the things we aren’t doing or the things we are doing wrong or need to do better.

Shawn Achor says that if you wait for the outcome to celebrate, you’ve waited too long. Don’t praise and celebrate the outcomes, praise and celebrate the process and the behavior that led to those outcomes. The outcomes will change. An example would be of a child doing well on a spelling test. If you praise and celebrate the grade you are limiting their potential because they’ll be afraid to take a risk, they’ll be afraid of failure, they’ll play it safe in order to receive the praise. 
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Positive to Negative Interactions - Research indicates that a ratio of 5:1 of positive interactions to negative interactions is necessary in order to maintain a healthy relationship and for a team to work at its maximum potential. 5 deposits into the bank of positivity for every one withdrawal of negativity or criticism.

I encourage you to go ahead and test drive some, or all of these suggestions for inspiring happiness, positivity and change in others. Create a ripple of goodness out into the world through your actions, your behaviors. 
I believe that my actions, my thoughts, my behaviors do impact others. They do change others. They do change the world. Change YOUR mind, change the WORLD.

I would love to hear your feedback. What do you think about these suggestions for inspiring positivity? Do you think they can help to change others? I would love to hear how it goes as you test drive some of them this week. Drop me a comment or send me an email!
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