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How to Declutter Your Life

10/27/2015

Do you have an area or areas in your life that feel cluttered and weigh you down? Areas that you have to face daily that make you feel overwhelmed, disorganized and even bad about yourself? I think we all have at least one of these areas in our home that just feels like it's our nemesis. It's just constantly there, staring at us in the face, telling us how we are no good or we would have it picked up, etc. You with me?

Now I am all for scrapping the whole perfectionism thing, and I'm all for owning who I am and who I am not, but this time I'm speaking to those things we have going on that make us feel cluttered. Those things/areas that are weighing us down, holding us back, overwhelming our brains with the feelings of noise, of clutter and the thoughts that we aren't enough. For me one area is the end of my kitchen counter where mail, magazines, kid's schoolwork, etc piles up. The other area would be my whirlpool tub where I can easily accumulate a mound of clothes that I've tried on and have chosen not to wear. Other areas might include the garage, or an office desk, or your email inbox. Whatever it is that for you clutters your brain and causes you noise.

In his book, The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor describes using a technique he calls the Zorro circle to help declutter areas of your life. Decluttering and eliminating the noise from our lives helps us to lead happier lives. Achor tells the story of the legendary Zorro from the 1998 film, The Mask of Zorro. In the movie, Zorro started out with big aspirations, but he had no discipline and ultimately turned to drinking and was depressed and in despair. His teacher (the old Zorro) teaches him to forget the big overwhelming goals and to just focus on defending a tiny circle.

Achor suggests that we can use this concept of the Zorro circle as a strategy to declutter areas of our life and ultimately declutter our minds at the same time. Here's an example of how it works. Let's say that you are feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of your office or your desk. Pick your Zorro circle. This should be a very small space, say a square foot, or one corner of the desk. Diligently work on clearing the clutter from that small circle. What typically happens is that you'll get on a roll and pretty soon the whole desk or the whole office is clean. By starting with a small Zorro circle it feels manageable and doable. The mental victory of having accomplished it makes it easier for you to then take on bigger projects. Once you have decluttered an area you'll not only feel good, but you can think clearer too, your mind has become less cluttered.

Now here's the key, you now need to "defend your win" by keeping the space decluttered. Guard this clutter-free space vigilantly. Check it in the morning, straighten it up after work, clear it before bed. You can move on to finding other Zorro circles to declutter, but don't lose focus from the circle you've already cleared until it's been mastered.

Actor suggests some of these places to create a Zorro circle:

-Create a Zorro circle on your desk, dresser, counter, or a table in your house that gets really cluttered.

-Create a Zorro circle in your inbox, dealing with just the emails that came in for the day.

-Create a Zorro circle in your yard or neighborhood...a little bit of garden or land that you fiercely defend and maintain.

-Create a Zorro circle of relaxation time - just 15 minutes that are yours, free of other responsibilities and worries.

Who knows what will happen if you start actively and vocally creating Zorro circles in your life. Maybe you'll feel so empowered that you'll end up clearing out all of the clutter. Wow, how would that feel? I can imagine feeling a lot lighter, a lot freer, a lot less noise. Maybe your kids and spouse will be so impressed that they will start to create their own Zorro Circles :)

I have been working to do this in our house. I have been "defending" the end of my counter and the space on my whirlpool tub. It feels good to have less clutter weighing down my mind. What are your Zorro circles? Do you think this technique can help you to declutter your life and mind? Can you see it as a conduit to allowing more happiness in your life? I would love to hear your feedback!

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Trust the timing of your life

10/20/2015

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Do you ever question yourself and wonder what am I doing? Or kick yourself over and over by thinking why didn't I do that sooner? Whether it's with your job, or raising your children, or a hobby, or a relationship, or with personal growth, what am I doing? Or, why, why why didn't I figure it out and do it sooner??? Or, why can't I still figure it out?

Sometimes we all get a little anxious. We think, I should be at this stage at this age, or, I should be at this point at this time, etc. We can start to draw comparisons with others, or with ourselves, on how we thought life should play out. We may even start to go into a fear mode of thinking, will I ever get to where I want to be?, and, am I good enough? These thoughts can, if we let them, get the better of us.

I'm sure we've all wished that we could have skipped experiencing certain things in our lives, and have wished that we would have got to other things sooner. What I've come to realize, and trust, is that everything happens for a reason. That there is a divine order to everything. You are who you are today because of the experiences you've had up to this point. The challenge is to not judge yourself and to be okay with, to trust, to have faith in the timing of your life.

Trust the timing of your life doesn't mean to sit idle, it doesn't mean to do nothing, it doesn't mean to concede to fear and be paralyzed. What it does mean is to have faith and believe in the flow.

Everything you have gone through has prepared you for right now. Where you are is exactly where you need to be at this moment in time. Look at each and every experience as a teachable moment. Learn to pay attention to the assignments and show up for them. This is the challenge, to see the lesson, to pay attention to it, and to show up for learning it. Sometimes we get stuck in the lesson. We start to blame ourselves and others for the lesson, the challenge, the obstacle. We judge the experience, and refuse to accept what we are being shown.

Consider the idea that a key reason for having challenges in life, is to show us how our thoughts and feelings create our reality. Consider the idea that challenges are mirrors that reflect to us our feelings about ourselves. Consider the idea that maybe we have played a hand in setting up our challenges. Consider the idea that the challenges are reasons for personal growth and expansion. Maybe to teach us compassion, maybe to teach us forgiveness, maybe to teach us about love or self-love, maybe to teach us patience, or empathy.

Consider offering up gratitude toward those persons and things that have most challenged us, for they are probably the ones who have caused us to expand and grow. When we make the choice to offer gratitude, we remove the blame from our lives. Without blame forgiveness becomes possible, and with forgiveness comes healing.

Listen to your heart and keep your heart open. It's where your intelligence resides, where you knowingness resides. Sometimes challenges close off our heart, work to keep yours open. Listen and know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Listen and learn from the experiences going on in your life right now. What are they telling you? What is the message? What are they reflecting? Pay attention to the assignments and show up for them. Have faith and trust the journey.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this post. Do you trust in the timing of your life? Are you listening to your heart? Are you able to express gratitude for the challenges? Do you agree that everything happens for a reason? Leave me a comment or send me an email.

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Shame on you

10/13/2015

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"Shame on you" or "you should be ashamed of yourself", sound familiar? I know I occasionally heard these phrases and I know that I've used them too. I just got done speaking with a Mothers of Preschool Group where our topic of conversation centered around the concepts of shame, vulnerability and being our authentic self. I would like to share with you some things that I shared with them.

I feel that on a deep level we all desire is to be connected, to be accepted, to belong and be loved. I feel that sometimes we are afraid to show our true self for fear that we will be rejected, that we are not good enough. We fear judgment, failure, scarcity and closeness. We put on different coats and hats and masks and wear them out into the world. We hide who we really are behind these various disguises, not wanting to display our true self.

Brene Brown is a researcher, professor, and author who has spent a large part of her career researching vulnerability and shame. Brene believes that shame is the fear of disconnection and that shame is underpinned by excruciating vulnerability. Brene believes that what keeps us from connection is our fear that we are not worthy of love and connection. She contends that believing that you are worthy of love and belonging is the key. A sense of worthiness is the key. If we don't have a sense of being worthy then we will struggle to feel loved and that we belong.

Brene and her team interviewed thousands of people and split their results into 2 groups. The first group contained people who felt disconnected. The second group contained people who felt connected, loved and accepted, this group she calls the "whole-hearted". The group of "whole-hearted" people were all living from the essence of worthiness. In studying these "whole-hearted" people, she found that they all had 3 things in common.

1. Courage - They had the courage to tell the story of who they are with their whole heart. They have the courage to be imperfect.

2. Compassion - They have the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others. They recognized that they can't practice compassion to other people if they don't treat themselves kindly.

3. Connection - They had connection as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they are. This is necessary for connection. They also fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable, also made them beautiful. An interesting point is that they don't consider being vulnerable comfortable, but they also don't consider it to be excruciating.

Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. Brene says that, "Vulnerability is not a weakness. Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage. I am enough and my imperfection doesn't change that. To be vulnerable, to let ourselves be seen is courageous."

I feel that in the past I played small a lot of the time, so as not to be vulnerable. I would play small and fly just under the radar to not stand out, to not be too noticed, to not be too vulnerable. Do you find that you play it small to avoid being vulnerable?

Research has also found that we numb vulnerability. Our society is the most in debt, obese, addicted and medicated in history. The thing is, you can't selectively numb emotion. You can't numb the bad stuff without numbing the good stuff too. Shame is highly correlated to addictions and to bullying.

Other ways we numb vulnerability center around control (making everything uncertain, certain), perfecting ourselves, and pretending that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.

Brene's work identified that the shame package for women is...do it all, do it perfectly and never let them see you sweat. Shame for women is this web of unattainable, competing and conflicting expectations. Shame for men is...never show any weakness. Sound familiar? It does to me.

I believe that today's social media exasperates this web. Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram all display to the world this picture perfect scene of life that can be fake and not representative of real life.

Brene says that shame is an unspoken epidemic, the secret behind many forms of broken behavior. She contends that empathy is the anecdote to shame. I would add that love is also the anecdote to shame, as well as compassion.

I personally can relate to the shame package for women and the numbing through perfection. Can you relate to your shame package? I would love to hear your thoughts.

What if we let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen, to love with our whole hearts knowing that there's no guarantee? What if we practiced courage and gratitude and joy in those moments of terror about being vulnerable, recognizing that to feel vulnerable is to be alive? What if we believed that we are enough? When we work from a place of I am enough, we are kinder and gentler to ourselves, and we are kinder and gentler to the people around us. Have the courage to be vulnerable, to be connected. By celebrating who you are, you will give permission to others to do the same.

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This is why we practice

10/6/2015

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Do you sometimes wait until there is some type of crisis or immediate need before taking care of important things. For instance, waiting until you have a cold to take care of yourself. You feel the symptoms begin to surface, so you try to get more rest, you eat better, you take your supplements, drink your tea and try to gear up to fend it off. Are you with me?

I work hard to take care of my spirit, mind and body, but there are times when I am slacking off and not practicing what I know. I recently read two pieces written by Danielle LaPorte that really resonated with me. I have combined them into one and I want to share it with you in this week's post. I hope that you find it as intriguing as I did. Here it is.

I travelled to Dharamshala, India with six friends to meet with The Dalai Lama. It was cell-altering and heart-expanding.

The week before our arrival, there had been a horrible event in which some monks were murdered -- most shockingly, by other monks. The story was on everyone's mind and in our small, private meeting with His Holiness, the first thing we did was offer our condolences. His response captivated me.

"Ah, yes, thank you for your thoughts," he said. "This is why we practice, for times like these when compassion is so necessary." He didn't nod in mutual disdain. He didn't show any drama. He was soft and ... practical.

This is why we practice.

For times like these.

You don't need to forgive until you need to forgive. You don't need nerves of steel until you need nerves of steel. You don't need to call on your reserves of compassion, or fortitude, or faith until you've used up everything else.This is why we practice.

This is why, even when life is ambling along nicely and there's food in our spiritual cupboard, we still make sure that we get to yoga, or the reading group, or Sunday services.

When we're healthy and happy we make sure to dance, we hit the court, we pick up the phone to check in, we drop by with something in hand.

When we're believing in the fairness and the glory of human nature and the so-called Fates, we keep seeking, and meditating on reality, and praying for healing even though nothing obvious ails us. We keep up with our spiritual practice.

We keep standing up to make our art even when we could be predictable pedestrians.

Because the day will most certainly come, as it does whether you are a whole-hearted Lover or in denial of Grace, that you will be struck down or ground down by life. It can come in tiny tearing heartbreaks five times a day, just walking through your neighbourhood. It could come in the name of tragedy that could only happen once in a lifetime.

And you will need to withdraw the insights that you put into your heart's escrow. And you will need to call on your people -- the unseen and the ones right in front of you -- to help you meet the day.

You will be interrupted.
You will be called on to expand.You will be asked who you are and why you are here.

This is why we practice.

Spiritual practice won’t stop crappy things from happening. Here’s the truly holistic picture: Life is full of crappy things, circumstances, feelings, emotions, and people with crazy-mean motives.

You can still get your heart broken when you’re enlightened. Illumination doesn’t spare the body — pundit Jiddu Krishnamurti dealt with wretched migraines, the beloved Thich Nhat Hanh recently suffered a debilitating stroke. Tragedies strike. Tsunamis engulf. Life hits, heals, caresses, and batters every one of us — the saints, the do-gooder’s, in sun salutations, and in repose.

But this...

Here's what soul practice does: It helps you handle the hard stuff when it comes. Every conscious in-breath/out-breath you take carves out space in your being for the ineffable mystery. And you really need to leave room for mystery if you want to stay sane. All of your dancing, and asanas, and sweaty finish lines are making it much easier to unfold, rather than grip and grind. The prayers, the declarations, the incantations… they’re an IV drip of grace, streaming into your nervous system.

Spiritual practice won't make you super human. But it will help you fall in love with your humanity.

You get to choose your response to even the things you can’t prevent. When you’re down on yourself because you can’t get over it, when the Creepy Creepertons are on your very last nerve, when you’re tired of being tired, or your heart is in pieces…the best self-help is self-compassion.

I love the "IV drip of grace" and the "you get to choose your response" and "you will need to withdraw the insights that you put into your heart's escrow" and "you will be called on to expand. You will be asked who you are and why you are here." Which ones stood out to you? I would love to hear your feedback.

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How to Declutter Your Life

Trust the timing of your life

Shame on you

This is why we practice

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