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The Art Of Empowerment

7/28/2020

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Every day we have the opportunity to either empower or disempower the people in our life. Whether you're a parent, a partner, or a leader within an organization we all have the opportunity to help others thrive and flourish or to diminish their self-esteem and confidence.  

Here are my top 3 tips on how we can empower others to thrive and create their best life.


1. Attitudes are Contagious
One of the biggest things you can do to empower others is to have the right attitude. Being mindful of how you show up and how you respond and react is extremely important. The most empowering people are mindful of their attitude and their moods. They are emotionally intelligent and lead with self-awareness and self-control. 

Our belief system is vital as well...do you believe in the greatness of the other person? What are the expectations that you carry around in your head about them? Is it positive and empowering, or is it an expectation of disappointment? Keeping our expectations and our belief systems in check is necessary to truly being able to empower others, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is true for our children, co-workers and others in our life. 


2. Greatest Need
The greatest need we each have is for love and acceptance, to belong, for self-esteem...a sense of being important, valuable and worthwhile. Without this, fear takes over and paralyzes our potential. Our interactions with others can either boost or diminish self-esteem. 

As Dale Carnegie said, "Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement." We tend to focus on other's weaknesses and things that they aren't doing well. We each have the magical power of simply providing encouragement. When we encourage others to use their strengths in a new way each day, happiness is increased, and happiness and success go hand-in-hand. Sharing with people what their strengths are goes a long way toward building them up and allowing them to shine. Become a radical encourager by helping others to focus on their strengths. 


3. Appreciation
​Most people typically feel unappreciated and under-valued. Handing out lots of praise and appreciation is a great  empowering strategy. Boosting people up, valuing them, giving them a shout out, p
raising them about a strength they posses and how they are using it. This quick habit is a powerful way to inspire happiness and a deep sense of confidence.

According to relationship researcher John Gottman, the optimal ratio within intimate relationships is 5 to 1. This means that for every one negative feeling or interaction between partners, there must be five positive feelings or interactions. 

Within teams or groups of people working together, we have a ratio of 3 to 1. This is the minimum ratio of positive to negative interactions necessary to make a team successful. This means it takes about three positive comments, experiences, or expressions to fend off the effects of just one negative. Dip below this tipping point, known as the Losada Line, and performance quickly suffers. Rise above it...Ideally, the research shows to a ratio of 6 to 1 and teams produce their very best work. This is how important praise and appreciation are within relationships. 
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​Our interactions with others can either help them to feel empowered or disempowered. When people feel empowered they believe in themselves and their ability to achieve their highest potential and lead the lives of their dreams. 
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Judging

7/21/2020

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Do you struggle with judging yourself and others? I've been working on judgment for a while now and I'm still amazed at how quickly my brain shifts into judgment. What I've come to realize is that it's one thing to have a judgmental thought, but the shift is to no longer believe them. 

In Gabrielle Bernstein's book Judgment Detox, judgment is defined as a separation from love. She states, "The moment that we see ourselves as separate from anyone else, we detour into a false belief system that is out of alignment with our true nature, which is love." Gabby suggests that we all have the same problem, that we have separated from love and that the solution is to return to love. 

Being judgmental comes from a place of ego. Our ego operates from a place of fear. It thinks it's helping us to survive and protecting us. The ego loves to judge, to cast blame and find fault. 

​Judgment causes us to get stuck in a cycle, an addictive habit-forming pattern. It temporarily makes us feel better about ourselves, but ultimately makes feel bad. Judgment lowers our vibration and our energy and it makes us feel alone. Gossip is a great example, it can give us a temporary high until we crash with a judgment hangover.

According to Gabby, "The way out of judgment begins when you witness the judgment without more judgment. When we look at our judgment with love, we can begin the healing process. 
We have to see clearly the ways in which we separate from love, and we have to get honest about the dark corners of our mind." We all have those dark corners of our mind don't we?

For me the beginning of my way out of judgment began with recognizing and understanding fear and through the practices of empathy and self-compassion. Bringing awareness to and being mindful of my judgments, not just blindly going about life without concern for them. Then moving into the practice of empathy with the understanding that everyone has their own lens through which they see the world based on their life experiences, it is their truth. When I become aware that I am judging myself, I exercise self-compassion.

Mindfulness, awareness, empathy and self-compassion are key tools that I've been using to release judgmental thoughts. 
It's also been helpful for me to relinquish the ​need to judge, the need to cast something as either right or wrong. Just relieving myself of the "responsibility" of judging and needing to blame or put someone or something in a column of either being right or being wrong. 

We often misinterpret reality, we misinterpret another person, misinterpret a situation. We misinterpret things because we see them through the conditioning of our own mind. You see it through your beliefs, your experiences, your childhood, etc. The ego loves to make someone wrong, to judge them. The ego creates a narrative that strengthens the more your tell it. Fictitious narratives spinning around in our head as reality.

I am a work in progress. Everyday setting the intention to break the addictive cycle of judgment against myself and others. Life is happier and more peaceful when we can let go of the "responsibility" of judging. 
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Brilliant Light

7/14/2020

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“If you look deep within, you will find a brilliant light. Too many, far too many, squint and turn away from the shine. Let your eyes adjust, and bathe in the radiance." ~ Unknown

At times in my life I have let circumstances determine how bright I would shine my light.
 You know the familiar song that you may have learned in church, "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine"?  The bible references light in several areas. In John 8:12 it says, "Then spoke Jesus again to them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that follows me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." God created us all with light, we are all lightworkers.  

I also believe that no one can steal your light, dim it or take it away, only you can dim your own light. As Gabrielle Bernstein says, "Be a mirror reflection for the light, rather than a sponge for the darkness. Your job is not to soak up and absorb the negativity, your job is to stay grounded and committed to the light. Do not try to fight the darkness, just stay committed to the light, to forgiveness, to love, to nonjudgement, to compassion, to empathy."

I love staying committed to the light and not fighting the darkness. Focusing on what I want, rather than focus on what I don't want. I'm a big believer that thoughts, feelings and beliefs become things, so if I focus my energy (my thoughts, feelings, beliefs) on the darkness than I'm creating more negativity. Where attention goes, energy flows.

I don't prefer to focus on the concept of 'fighting' at all. Focusing on fighting, even if the ultimate goal is admirable, in my opinion brings forth more fighting. That being said, it can be necessary to shine light on a problem and bring attention and awareness to it, then we can shine light on the solution. 

I don't choose to focus my attention on evil, the devil, or satan either. I often hear people referencing and giving energy to the devil, or to evil, and needing to fight it. I personally don't prefer to give any power, energy, thought or feeling to darkness. I don't prefer to energize the darkness, I choose to stay committed to the light. 

We are human and sometimes we may sink into the darkness, but my goal is to live in the light with just moments of darkness versus live in the darkness with just moments of light. 

All it takes is a spark, one spark to bring forth the light. You are a lightworker and I am a lightworker and the world needs us to radiate our light out to each other. Choose to shine yours, choose to shine it bright. Focus on reflecting the light versus absorbing the darkness. Focus on the thoughts and feelings that cause your light to illuminate greater...love, forgiveness, compassion, empathy, gratitude. Let your light glisten and shimmer and dance out across the world. 
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Curiosity Killed The Cat

7/7/2020

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You've probably heard the phrase "Curiosity killed the cat" at some point growing up. Most likely in response to the endless questions that are typically posed by a young child. Why? Why? Why? I can still hear it ringing in my ears from when my children were much younger. 

We are also conditioned to not question authority, to not question society, to not question the status quo, to not question our teachers, our leaders, our elders, our politicians, etc. To some degree we stop questioning, stop being curious, stop learning. 

On some level maybe we don't want to give away that it's something we don't already know. To be curious implies that we don't already have all of the answers. Or, is it that as adults we don't have the time to be curious? We are so busy with our lives and running on the hamster wheel that we simply don't have the time, capacity, desire to engage in the effort of being curious. 

Film and television producer Brian Grazer in his book, A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life, shares his ideas on expanding our curiosity, a trait he attributes to his success and says should be as much a part of our culture as creativity and innovation. Brian made a decision early on in his career to seek out "curiosity conversations" with at least one new person each day. He stresses how all of us can benefit from this practice of stepping outside our comfort zones. 


Brian shares examples of how these "curiosity conversations" helped his career, opened up doors for him, and caused him to be a more connected and interesting person. I love the idea of engaging in curiosity conversations. Conversations where we are just really trying to connect with another human being and learn about them, their life, their interests, their passions, their career, their thoughts, their opinions. What an easy and powerful way to gain awareness of our world, gain perspective, see life through another lens, gain empathy, gain knowledge. 

Here's another way to look at the concept of holding "curiosity conversations"...We've all had conversations with people where we walk away feeling good about the person, like they heard us, were interested in us. On the flip side, we've all had conversations where we walked away and felt like we were "talked to", not understood, not heard, or where the person wasn't really present. I aspire for my interactions with people to end with them feeling acknowledged versus disregarded. We've all felt the difference. 

The concept of leading a curious life appeals to me. I don't want to squelch my curiosity or that of others. I don't want to just follow the status quo, or what someone, or what society tells me I should be thinking or asking about. I choose to not be so busy all the time that I don't have a few minutes to engage in a real conversation.

It's important for us to explore, to question, to engage in life. Be curious about other people, be curious about where our food comes from, be curious about our spirituality, be curious about other cultures and races, be curious about what our heart is telling us, be curious about our purpose, the list is endless. 
I invite each of us to engage in more "curiosity conversations". See what opens up to you as you get more curious about life.

Sidenote:
Everyone knows that, despite its supposed nine lives, curiosity killed the cat. Well, not quite. The 'killed the cat' proverb originated as 'care killed the cat'. By 'care' the coiner of the expression meant 'worry/sorrow' rather than our more usual contemporary 'look after/provide for' meaning. Now that I can get onboard with...Worry killed the cat :)
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