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Unhealthy Mental Habits

10/25/2016

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In previous posts, I've shared a lot of information on how to build positive, healthy mental habits into your life. Habits that have proven to promote resiliency, happiness, peace and joy. Habits like having a gratitude practice, mindfulness and meditation, practicing forgiveness and compassion and savoring good experiences. 

This week I want to flip the table and focus on letting go of some unhealthy mental habits. By letting go of unhealthy mental habits we are better able to be resilient, to bounce back from adversity. This ability to be resilient, your stickiness, not getting stuck in the muck, is one of the keys to sustaining a happy life. 


Amy Morin, a clinical social worker, psychotherapist and author of the bestselling book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, believes that everyone has the ability to build mental strength, but most people don't know how. Amy says, "We spend a lot of time talking about physical strength and physical health, but much less time on mental strength and mental health. We can choose to perform exercises that will help us learn to regulate our thoughts, manage our emotions, and behave productively despite our circumstances - the 3 basic factors of mental strength. No matter what your goals are, building mental strength is the key to reaching your greatest potential."


Amy covers the following 3 areas of destructive beliefs that rob us of our mental strength.

1) Unhealthy beliefs about ourselves

This includes feeling sorry for ourselves, having a pity party. Replaying the story of negativity, the story of what's gone wrong over and over. Nursing it, cursing it and rehearsing it. 

Getting stuck in the place of "why me?" Why is this happening to me? Why is that happening to me? What's wrong with me that I have these things happening to me? Why does this happen to me when wonderful things happen to other people? Playing the comparison game. Comparing ourselves to others and harboring resentment for our circumstance in life. This kind of thinking keeps you stuck, keeps you focused on the problem and keeps you from focusing on the solution.

This category also includes ignoring uncomfortable feelings and emotions. Sweeping them under the rug, avoiding and denying yourself from dealing with them. You have to feel them, go through them and then move them.


2) Unhealthy beliefs about others

We think that other people control us and we give away our power. There are very few things in life that you have to do. You don't have to work late tonight that gives away your power. You have a choice. There may be a consequence for your choice, but you do have a choice.

Instead of saying, "I have to work late tonight", say " I choose to work late tonight" and then list the reasons why. I choose to work late tonight because it will make tomorrow an easier day. Or, I choose to work late tonight to demonstrate what a dedicated employee I am, to show that I will do what it takes to get the job done, etc. This subtle shift is impactful to our brains. It's telling our psyche that we are in charge and we are choosing to find the meaning behind what we decide in life. Otherwise, you should be saying no and not doing it.

Another example is saying, "My boss drives me crazy!" Maybe your boss is not the nicest person, but it's up to you how you react. You are in control. Instead, consider thoughts like...my boss is teaching me patience, my boss is teaching me diligence, my boss is teaching me compassion, or whatever it is that allows you to find meaning in the experience. Finding meaning in the experience shifts our thinking to something purposeful versus useless and annoying. 

3) Unhealthy beliefs about the world

Unhealthy beliefs about the world include thoughts that the world owes us something. Thinking if we put in enough hard work that we deserve success. Amy says, "Feeling that success is going to fall into your lap like some cosmic reward is going to lead to disappointment." We want the world to be fair and the world is not fair. The world's not always going to feel fair. The world's not always going to feel just. 

Understanding and coming to terms with the idea that the world is always going to feel fair and just helps to release this unhealthy belief. 
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​Changing our mental habits requires diligence. It means paying attention to your thoughts, catching yourself, stopping and intentionally choosing a different thought pattern, a different speech pattern. It doesn't happen overnight, it's a conscious decision, a way of life. Small changes, small steps create impactful ripples in the direction of mental strength and resilience. 

What is one small step that you can take today to create a healthy habit and/or to let go of an unhealthy habit? It doesn't have to be grandiose, just one small step in the right direction. 

I would love to hear your feedback on this post. Do you see these mental habits as being destructive? Do you see yourself in these belief systems. Do you work to create healthy mental habits and at the same time work to stop the unhealthy habits? Drop me a comment or send me an email. 
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Fall Into It

10/18/2016

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I am always blown away at this time of year by the sheer beauty that is all around me in nature. It just never gets old! Each year I am equally amazed by the spectacular beauty of the season. It is one of the true benefits of living in the state of Wisconsin! 

Have you taken a moment to witness the beauty of nature that is around you? Are you taking in all of the spectacular changing of color? The golden yellow trees, the cherry topped trees, the vibrancy of the burning bush, the flaming orange leaves. In particular at this time of year, I also notice the beauty of the shape of the trees. Some are pear-shaped, some are very round, some are oval it's amazing the simplistic beauty of the shape of the trees.


Have you felt the crunch of the leaves beneath your feet this year? Have you witnessed the leaves as they're fluttering around in the wind? Falling from the sky like snow. 

What does the change of the season mean for you?

Fall is the harvest time of the year when we celebrate and give thanks for the abundance of our crops and for all the good things we have in life. What is your own personal harvest? In addition to the usual fall harvest, it can personally mean the harvest of your lifetime, a year's worth of growth and learning. It can be a time of great stirring in the soul. A time to be still, a time to explore the mysteries, a time to savor the season. 

The fall of the leaves can symbolize the fall of old ways. It can represent an out with the old and in with the new. As we watch leaves fluttering to the ground, we are reminded that nature cycles are mirrored in our lives. Autumn is the time for letting go and releasing things that have been a burden. Fall is the time to practice getting out of the way, of letting go and allowing Spirit to take charge of our lives. 

At this time of year, the day and night are equal. It is a point of balance between dark and light. As we make the shift from longer days to longer nights, let's take time to reflect upon what part of our own lives might be out of balance. It's a great reminder to cultivate balance within your spirit, mind and body. What is it that you need in this season? Do you know what that is? Are you listening and paying attention?

Fall into whatever it is that your soul, your mind, and your body needs in this season. Maybe fall into a new habit, fall into a new story, fall into a new way of thinking, fall into mindfulness, fall  into peace, fall into love, fall into joy, fall into forgiveness, fall into gratitude, fall into self-care. Whatever it is that you need, listen to it and fall into it this season and let go of what you don't need and allow Spirit to take it over. 
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Help is a Prayer

10/11/2016

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Last week's post focused on the idea of being still, of being willing to let go of the busyness in our minds and to be still. Especially if we are in crisis, need help, feel a need to make a decision, a need for change. I suggested that the next time you desire to hear God that you listen by being still and then trust what comes your way. To trust your inner knowingness, your internal guidance system, your intuition, your gut and to take the next small step in that direction. 

I want to follow up on the idea of talking with God in this week's post. The idea of asking and listening. I love the discussion in this week's Super Soul Sunday episode with Michael Bernard Beckwith. He says if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, then you need to get out of your own way. He says that you need something that gets you out of your little mind, your little perception and that's where prayer comes in and that's where meditation comes in. That's where you say, "Help. I'm open and I'm available to something new."

Just saying "
help" is a prayer. Michael shared this acronym for the word help:

H ello
E ternal
L oving
P resence

Michael's process of prayer was intriguing and I think a useful approach to prayer. Here's my summary of his prayer process.

1. Ask God Empowering Questions

During your prayer ask God an empowering question and then  be still, listen and be available. An empowering question includes questions like..."What's trying to emerge in my life?", "What's my gift to share?", "What's my purpose?", "Why am I here on the planet?", What's trying to unfold in my life and in my soul?", "What lesson am I learning?".

Disempowering questions sound like this..."What should I do?", "Why me?", "Who/what is to blame?", What's wrong with me?", "What's wrong with my life?", "Why is this happening to me?", "Why isn't life fair?".

Michael believes that if you ask an empowering question you'll get an answer that will help you to rise above the muck. Answers will come in the form of nudges, intuitive hits, dreams, and other signs and symbols. 


2. Listen, Be Still

Take time to be still and to know. Have faith that by being still you will know the next right thing to do. Your intuition will know, your gut will know, it will bubble up to the surface and you will know. Be still, be available, pay attention and have faith and trust that you will know.

3. Be Vibrationally Ready to Receive

Let go of resistance and be in alignment with it by asking "what if" questions and by visualizing.

Start asking "what if" questions. Questions like..."What if all my needs were met, what would I be doing in my life?", "What if everything is really working together for my good?", "What if all of the bad things that happened in my life are leading me to activating some great potential?", "What if God is really on my side?" He says when you start asking "what if" questions, small miracles will start happening in your life.  

Begin to see, to visualize, the kind of life that you wish to live. Begin to talk about it, to write about it, to dream about it. Talk about the vision more than you talk about your problems. Give it energy, pay it attention. Talk about the possibility, even if you don't know how to get there. Talk to the vision and then after a while you will be talking from it.

By asking "what if" questions and visualizing you are becoming vibrationally ready to receive it. We are vibrational beings. You are drawing into you all the time the vibration that is most like what you are putting out. You cannot have what you're not willing to become vibrationally. You need to be aligned.

Michael notes that if you come from a place of I want, I want, I want then that will only create more want and it will block you from receiving your blessing. 

Michael discussed how pain pushes until the vision pulls, being pulled by a larger vision. Walk in the direction of the potential and the possibility. Taking small right steps in that direction will help pull you out of the suffering, will help release you from being stuck in the muck. 


He says, "We are not praying that there aren't any challenges, we are praying that for the challenges that come that they activate latent potential." I love the perspective!

I would love to hear your feedback on this post and this prayer process. For times of deep need, where the challenge is great and we feel stuck in the muck, it's helpful to me to give my prayer some framework, some clear intention that is productive and useful in opening me up to God's message for me. Hope this was helpful to you too!
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Be Still

10/4/2016

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Making decisions, knowing what to do can be challenging at times. When faced with a big decision do you spend a lot of time thinking and analyzing what to do? Is your mind busy, busy, busy working trying to analyze and figure out the best decision, the right thing to do?It might keep you from sleeping, cause anxiety, you might feel overwhelmed. Maybe you bounce it off other people looking for clarification and guidance. You think to yourself, "I wish God would just give me a clear sign, a message, I wish he would speak to me." Wishing that you could connect with Spirit, or with your higher self, for an answer. Sound at all familiar? 

I read a post from The Guided Life that addresses this idea of asking God for a message that I want to share with you. The website at www.guidedchristianmeditation.com is devoted to helping people grow their Christian faith and spirituality. I like what this piece says about being still, I've included it below.

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Peace! Be still! Mark 4:39
A sermon at church focused on the passage from Mark, Chapter 4, where Jesus uses the words, “Peace, be still!” (The exclamation point is there for a reason.) I was surprised and actually had to laugh when our pastor illustrated the literal meaning of be still.

The story is also told in Matthew and Luke which portrays an extremely busy day where Jesus was healing people, casting out demons and speaking. While the scripture doesn’t say this, the picture is painted that Jesus was exhausted and overwhelmed. He requested a boat to escape the crowds that were coming to him.

On the journey, a huge storm rolled in. The disciples were afraid for their lives. They looked for Jesus to help them and found him fast asleep from exhaustion. They were terrified because of the storm and woke Jesus up.  According to Mark’s account, Jesus was not happy.  In his frustration he yelled, “Peace, Be Still!”  The storm and the huge waves stopped immediately. The literal translation of, Be Still, taken from the Greek, is – Hush! And in modern terms: Shut Up!

Another pastor I met told me about that translation and used the analogy of the proverbial, family road trip. You know the one, with the kids in the back seat saying, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” The answer, of course, is be still or hush!

How often do we ask God for everything, but we don’t stop to listen or to be still? The act of being still and getting quiet becomes more of a challenge in our hectic world. The world asks us to be busy. God asks us to be still so that we can receive love, peace and guidance.

Along with busyness comes the fearful and anxious thoughts we hold onto. It’s been stated that we have upwards of 50,000 thoughts a day. Those thoughts aren’t always pretty. You know the ones, I can’t believe I messed up, I’m an idiot, I can’t do it, It’s too hard, I’m a failure, I’m a fraud, I’m too old, I’m too young….. 

We must learn to tell our fearful and anxious thoughts to shut up, just as Jesus calmed the sea. Jesus immediately asked the question to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Have you so little faith?”

Quieting the mind, shutting up the mind requires practice. One powerful way to hush thoughts that don’t serve us is by practicing meditation.

For whatever reason, meditation has not been a mainstay of traditional Christian, religious organizations. Prayer and Bible reading are encouraged as well as the occasional mention of contemplative prayer, but not so much meditation. Jesus, John the Baptist and others went off to meditate and to take themselves away from the hectic world.

Romans 12:2 says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Meditation helps to renew the mind, to be still, to let go and surrender, to hush the thoughts that do not serve us.
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Many people are intimidated by silence. Silence can cause you to address issues that you might be running from. It’s easy to fill each day with busyness and then block out concerns through hours of mind-numbing television viewing, Internet surfing or reading magazines. None of these activities are bad. However, if they are used to fill a void that is not being filled, over time, the toll will manifest itself in the form of lost relationships, lost opportunities and lost dreams never being fulfilled.

The next time you have fearful and anxious thoughts that are raging within you like a violent storm, do as Jesus did. Silence those thoughts by saying, “Peace, be still.” When you need strength and help, let go and rest in God, your refuge. “Be still and know that I am God.”

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Next time you are wanting to hear God, take time to be still and to know. Have faith that by being still you will know the next right thing to do. Your intuition will know, your gut will know, it will bubble up to the surface and you will know. Just be still and have faith and trust that you will know. Let go and surrender to what comes. Set your fear aside and find strength and refuge. 


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