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Do You Procrastinate?

8/18/2020

Do you procrastinate? Most of us do for at least periods of time each day. In one study of 2,219 participants, 88% of them indicated that they procrastinate for at least one hour each day. Even highly driven and accomplished people can be procrastinators.

Procrastination is often confused with laziness, but they are different. Procrastination is an active process of choosing to do something else instead of the task that you know you should be doing. In contrast, laziness suggests apathy, inactivity and an unwillingness to act. Procrastination usually involves ignoring an unpleasant, but likely more important task, in favor of one that is more enjoyable or easier.

Even minor procrastination can make us feel guilty or ashamed and can lead to reduced productivity and cause us to not achieve our goals. If we procrastinate over a long period of time, we can become demotivated and disillusioned, which can lead to depression and even job loss, in extreme cases.

Procrastination is a habit and if you understand how it shows up, you can make the choice to replace it with a better one. The first step to making a better choice is to recognize that you’re procrastinating...having the self-awareness to identify that you are making the choice to procrastinate.

The second step is to understand why. It's helpful to understand the reason(s) why you are procrastinating and allow that to help you strategize on how to change it. Here are some common reasons why people procrastinate:

The task seems boring or unpleasant
Disorganization
The task seems overwhelming
Worried about failure, doubt your abilities
Fear of success and potentially having more tasks added to your plate
Have a need for perfection

Below are some strategies to help to break the habit of procrastination. Habits only stop being habits when you avoid practicing them, so try as many strategies as possible to give yourself the best possible chance of succeeding.

Commit to the task. Write down the tasks that you need to complete, and specify a time for doing them. Set weekly and daily "To Do Lists" that are prioritized with the 2-3 most critical tasks first.
Aim to due the most unpleasant tasks first thing, every day. Get those tasks that you find least pleasant out of the way first. This gives you the rest of the day to focus on work that you find more enjoyable.
Break large tasks down into smaller more manageable chunks. Focus on starting them, rather than on finishing them. Consider setting a timer for short manageable periods of time and go hard at it for reasonable time blocks.
Promise yourself a reward. If you complete a difficult task on time, reward yourself and then work to savor the positive feeling.
Ask someone to check up on you. Have an anti-procrastination buddy.
Temptation bundle. Only do a thing you love while also doing a thing you procrastinate on. For example, listen to podcast (something you like) while running on the treadmill (something you don't like).
Act as you go. Tackle tasks as soon as they arise, rather than letting them build up. I love the concept of...touch it once.
Rephrase your internal dialog. The phrases "need to" and "have to," for example, imply that you have no choice in what you do. This can make you feel disempowered. Saying, "I choose to," implies that you own a project, and can make you feel more in control.
Minimize distractions. Turn off your email and social media, and avoid sitting anywhere near a television.

Our brain has a natural tendency to value immediate reward versus future reward. Our present self and future self are typically at odds with each. Make it as easy as possible for your present self to get started, the motivation and momentum will come with productive action.

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Do You Forgive Yourself?

8/4/2020

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Do you work on forgiving yourself or are you holding onto past experiences and sabotaging the present? A lot of times we hold onto things, continue to ruminate, and beat ourselves up about things that we’ve done or said in the past. It’s hard to love yourself when you are not feeling lovable because of your actions.

Self-forgiveness is not about letting yourself off the hook. The act of forgiveness, whether you are forgiving yourself or someone who has wronged you, also does not mean that you are condoning the behavior. It means that you accept the behavior, you accept what has happened, and you are willing to move past it and move on with your life without ruminating over past events that cannot be changed.

Here are some key steps to move toward self-forgiveness:

Face what you have done and admit your mistake. Discontinue making excuses, rationalizing, or justifying your actions in order to make them seem acceptable. Acknowledge and process your emotions. Give yourself permission to recognize and accept your feelings.
Make amends, even with yourself. Forgiving yourself is more likely to stick when you feel like you've earned it. Apologize if it’s called for and look for ways that you can make it up to whomever you’ve hurt. Make an effort to right your wrongs. Seeking forgiveness and forgiving yourself go hand in hand. Ask for forgiveness, however, forgiving yourself should never be contingent on what the other person chooses, says or does.
Forgiving yourself requires us to find a way to learn from the experience and grow as a person. To do this, you need to understand why you behaved the way you did. Reflect on the lessons learned and focus on the changes you’ve made to not repeat the scenario. Reminding yourself that you did the best you could with the tools and knowledge you had at the time.
Acknowledge the mistake out loud and what you’ve learned from it. When you give voice to the thoughts in your head and the emotions in your heart, it helps to free yourself from some of the burden. It also helps to imprint in your mind what you learned from your actions and consequences.
Hindsight bias…This is the feeling that you should’ve been able to predict, and therefore avoid, a negative outcome. It’s the tendency to view events as more predictable than they really are. People often recall their predictions before the event as much stronger than they actually were. Remember that hindsight is always 20/20. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.
Keep in mind that forgiveness is a process, not an event.
Stop yourself anytime that you are ruminating or engaging in negative self-talk. Change your belief system about yourself. Work intentionally to let it go and surrender it. Once you make the choice to forgive yourself and you’re ready to not feel guilty, embarrassed, etc. than it’s about walking the walk.

Exercising self-compassion key throughout the forgiveness process. One way to do it is to have a conversation with your inner critic. Write out a “conversation” between you and your inner critic. This can help identify thought patterns that are sabotaging your ability to forgive yourself. On one side of a piece of paper write down what your inner critic says. On the other side of the paper, write a self-compassionate and rational response for each thing you wrote on the other side of the paper.

Any time you start to ruminate immediately stop yourself and reframe it and purposely think of something more constructive or positive. Say something like:

I have forgiven myself and learned from my mistake.
That’s the old story here’s the new story…
That doesn’t apply to me anymore.
Up until now…
I’m learning and growing each day and I love and accept myself.

Once I started easing up on myself in this way, I found myself being able to ease up on others. I realized that what I needed, so did they. If I had made mistakes and deserved to be forgiven, so do they.

In other words, if I could let go of my resentments and judgments of myself, I could and should let go of my resentments and judgments of others and just plain move on, instead of staying stuck.

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Do You Procrastinate?

Do You Forgive Yourself?

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