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LOVE Versus Fear

2/26/2018

Each year for the month of February my blog posts focus on the theme of love. This week I want to share with you some additional thoughts that are circling around in my head regarding love as opposed to fear.

What I have personally come to understand and witness is how much of life is directed by fear and not love. I believe that fear is the opposite of love and that we are cultured to operate from a place fear. We are not cultured to operate from a place of love. Fear wants us to restrict, it doesn't want us to expand. Fear is from the ego mind and love comes from the heart.

Blogger Luminita Saviuc explains it this way, "There are only two emotions in the world, only two emotions we can express, and those two emotions are FEAR and LOVE. All the other emotions with whom we are all so familiar, are nothing more than subcategories of these two. Where there is LOVE, we may have peace, joy, content, serenity, forgiveness while on the other hand, where we have hate we will have anxiety, sadness, depression, fatigue, judgment, guilt and so on. You see, where there is LOVE, fear can not survive, and where there is fear, LOVE can not survive. They can’t live together, for only one is real, while the other is just an illusion."

This acronym for fear has really been useful for me:

F - false
E - expectations
A - appearing
R - real

This is typically the case for most things in life. Our mind and our ego try to convince us to operate from a place of fear when really fear is usually false expectations appearing real. Our minds though work to exaggerate scenarios and cause us to believe that we need to protect ourselves, or avoid something, or worry, etc.

I believe that what our world needs more of right now is love and not fear. All things break and all things can be mended. We need to love intentionally, extravagantly and unconditionally. Infusing loving kindness into everything we do and every interaction that we have. Collective love, empathy and compassion will dissolve collective fear, anger and hate.

As Mother Theresa said, "There are no great deeds, just small deeds done with great love". Let's each go out and do small deeds with great love. Let's expand into love instead of contract into fear. Let's hold the vision by taking a lot of little right actions in the direction of love. Love is a choice, just as fear is a choice.

Here is a poem that captures the essence of the difference that occurs in life when we LOVE versus when we fear.

LOVE Versus Fear
By Sarah Nean Bruce

LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL (fear is conditional)
LOVE IS STRONG (fear is weak)
LOVE RELEASES (fear obligates)
LOVE SURRENDERS (fear binds)
LOVE IS HONEST (fear is deceitful)
LOVE TRUSTS (fear suspects)
LOVE ALLOWS (fear dictates)
LOVE GIVES (fear resists)
LOVE FORGIVES (fear blames)
LOVE IS COMPASSIONATE (fear pities)
LOVE CHOOSES (fear avoids)
LOVE IS KIND (fear is angry)
LOVE IGNITES (fear incites)
LOVE EMBRACES (fear repudiates)
LOVE CREATES (fear negates)
LOVE HEALS (fear hurts)
LOVE IS MAGIC (fear is superstitious)
LOVE ENERGIZES (fear saps)
LOVE IS AN ELIXIR (fear is a poison)
LOVE INSPIRES (fear worries)
LOVE DESIRES (fear Joneses)
LOVE IS PATIENT (fear is nervous)
LOVE IS BRAVE (fear is afraid)
LOVE IS RELAXED (fear is pressured)
LOVE IS BLIND (fear is judgmental)
LOVE RESPECTS (fear disregards)
LOVE ACCEPTS (fear rejects)
LOVE DREAMS (fear schemes)
LOVE WANTS TO PLAY (fear needs to control)
LOVE ENJOYS (fear suffers)
LOVE FREES (fear imprisons)
LOVE BELIEVES (fear deceives)
LOVE “WANTS” (fear “needs”)

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Nourishing The Human Spirit

2/20/2018

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Sherwin Nuland in his TED talk, Meditation on Hope, proclaimed that, "The world will be saved by the human spirit. The ability that each of us has to be something greater than him or herself. The ability to arise from our ordinary self to be something greater, something extraordinary, something that we once believed we weren't capable of. It's an elevation of us beyond ourselves."

I love this idea of the human spirit and the elevation of us beyond ourselves. Can you think of a time where you felt elevated beyond yourself? Maybe at the birth of a child. Maybe as you were participating as part of a team where you just gelled together and accomplished a great feat. Maybe as you were engaged in a some type of musical venue that lifted you up, or a church service, a motivational talk, or a rally. That feeling of elevation where you felt you were part of something and it raised you up.

Those moments are special, they stick with us, they fill up our soul, they propel us to greatness, they nourish us, they give us hope. I think all of our spirits could use some hope and some nourishment right now. What gives you hope? What nourishes your spirit? It's important that we each are filling up our spirit these days, so we can continue to spread hope and love out into the world and so that we can continue to elevate ourselves and others from the ordinary into the extraordinary.

In his TED talk, Sherwin Nuland also dissected the word hope. I really enjoy and find it useful to look at the root meaning of words, it provides me with a deeper meaning that I otherwise would have missed. Hope is an abstract idea, it's not a concrete word. It's defined as an expectation of something good that's due to happen.

The Indo-European root of the word hope is the stem 'keu', it is the same root that the word curve (to bend) comes from. What is means is a change in direction, going a different way. Changing course, taking a different path.

It's hard to have hope when things aren't changing direction, when we're operating in the status quo and not shifting course. It's like the old adage of the definition of insanity...doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

The Hebrew and Greek equivalent of our English word hope carries the meaning of a strong and confident expectation. Putting the Indo-European root and the Hebrew and Greek equivalent together, creates the meaning of the word hope as a confident expectation that a desirable change is likely to happen. I like that definition of hope. What if each of us nourish our spirit and spread hope by helping to confidently change the direction of where we are going?

Sherwin Nuland also discussed the word philanthropy. The Greek concept of philanthropy is the love of human kind. Philanthropy arises out of a form of love. Spirit, hope, love. The world will be saved by the human spirit of hope and love for human kind.

I invite you to nourish your spirit by doing what elevates you to greatness, to spread hope by being the change you desire to see in the world, to be philanthropic and spread your love of human kind, nourishing humanity as you nourish your own spirit. Be confident and lead with your heart, your inner wisdom. Let the truth of your being match the way of your being.

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What Is The Purpose Of Life?

2/13/2018

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Most of us have spent time contemplating, and even agonizing over...what is the purpose of life and/or the purpose of my life? I know that I have.

I propose that the purpose of life is actually quite simple...simple and yet oh so very hard. I propose that the purpose of life is love. Yep, that's it, easy peasy, just love. All of the challenges and lessons of life boil down to love. Have I responded or reacted to my experience in life in a loving way? Do you agree?

Have you heard someone say, "May God's will be done", or "Thy will be done"? It's in the Lord's Prayer, "Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven." Ever stop to really think about what that sentence means? I really hadn't until I was recently listening to Marianne Williamson. I'm guessing that most of us would say that it means letting God handle things according to his plan. Putting our own will aside and seeking God's will instead.

Marianne Williamson's explanation takes a little different spin on the phrase. She explained it this way, "God equals love and will equals thought. 'May God's will be done' means loving thoughts. Let loving thoughts prevail." Interesting spin right?

Maybe this phrase was included in the Lord's Prayer in order to help us align our thinking and actions with God's purpose and plan for us. Is it God's will for us to change from our human way of thinking and acting (which at times are not in harmony with God's way) to thinking and acting like God? To model our thoughts and actions to that of the example of Jesus? Would earth be like heaven if we all did that?

Sometimes it can be easy to recite prayer without stopping to contemplate what it really means. It can be easy enough to even believe in something, but then not behave differently. So then I ask myself, are we called to just believe, but not then to adjust our actions? Is our purpose really love? And if it is, maybe I should add to my prayers something like "May god's will be done...and let me accept God's will". Because as I mentioned, it's simple and yet oh so hard.

Isn't it easy for us to convince ourselves of the many reasons and excuses for why in this particular scenario God's will is not the way? That our purpose may be love, but that it doesn't quite apply here because this was said or done and it therefore negates God's will (i.e. loving thoughts). We let our ego jump in and then fear jumps in and we think and act from a place that often times isn't of love.

Here is a beautiful piece by Wayne Dyer that arrived oh so timely in my inbox this morning. Wayne shares his thoughts on love, lovingness and our ego. It's worth the read :)

My definition of love goes beyond the admittedly delicious lust and excitement that you experience when you first become infatuated. Ultimately these inflamed passions fade away, and what remains is authentic love, or the balance you’re seeking. And what is a prime example of this? It is to love as God does—to extend the caring that defines your very creation outward, whenever and wherever possible.

Love of this nature leads you to forget about your own ego, and want what you desire for yourself even more for another. This is how the act of creation seems to work. Your Creator doesn’t ask anything from you in exchange for giving you life— it’s given freely and abundantly, and no one is excluded. You don’t have to repay God for giving you this life or the air you need in order to live or the water you drink for your very existence or the sun that sustains you. Without any of those freely given ingredients, you wouldn’t continue to live. This is the love that God offers you.

To balance your life with more lovingness, you need to match your thoughts and behaviors with those of your Source, being love in the way that God is. This means noticing when you’re inclined to judge yourself or others as though you or they are unworthy of love. This means suspending your need to be right in favor of being kind toward yourself and others, and deliberately extending kindness everywhere. This means giving love to yourself and others rather than demanding love. This means your loving gesture of kindness is heartfelt because you feel love flowing from within—not because you want something in return. A tall order? Not really, unless you believe that it’s going to be difficult.

Lovingness is a feature of your natural state, and your ego isn’t part of that state. Ego dominates because you’ve separated yourself from your God-self, the loving self that came here from a place of perfectly Divine unconditional love. You’ve carried this ego idea of your own self-importance, your need to be right, for so long that you’ve deluded yourself into believing that the ego-self is who you are. Talk about being out of balance—you’ve opted for a belief in pure illusion! By allowing this illusion to be the dominant force, you’ve created, through your ego-centered self, a heavy imbalance in your life.

The result is that you want to feel love—the real thing, the love that is the very essence of your being, the love that you are—but you feel emptiness instead of lovingness. Why is this so? Because the emptiness can only be filled with love by opening your heart connection to the spirit of love that originates you know not where, but can be felt within you. It’s your empty space; no one else’s. Therefore, only you can fill it. Your objective is to ask love within you to make its presence known, to have an awareness of being so full of love that this is what you have to give away. That’s all you have to do—ask and receive. By doing just that, you’ll attract more of what you’re giving away.

What Love Looks Like Through the Eyes of a Child

Here are some jewels describing what love is, from the perspective of a group of four- to eight-year-olds. As you work to reset the “love balance beam” of your life, consider these refreshing thoughts on what love is.

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know your name is safe in their mouth.
Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
Love is when my daddy makes coffee for my mommy, and he takes a sip before giving it to her to make sure the taste is okay.
Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.
During my piano recital, I was onstage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one. I wasn’t scared anymore.

And my favorite:

Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.

There you have it. Look within and around. Listen. Love is what’s left over when falling in love fades away because love is an endless source. Give it away. Share your French fries. Give someone the best piece of chicken. Wave and smile to the Universe, and you’ll soon know what Victor Hugo meant when he observed, “Love is the reduction of the Universe to a single being.” Not only is love what’s left over when falling in love fades away, but love defines the Source from which we came. Elizabeth Barrett Browning poetically describes the end of life as a return to pure love:

Guess now who holds thee?--
“Death,” I said. But there
The silver answer rang--
“Not Death, but Love.”
And so it seems that love is truly all that’s left over when this body falls away as well.

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Like-Minded Or Like-Hearted?

2/6/2018

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February is a time when we celebrate love with Valentine's Day. It's been my tradition to focus February's blog posts on love and matters of the heart and I want to continue that tradition again this year.

It's fairly common place these days to hear people refer to hanging out with, associating with like-minded people. It's become rather cliche. You've probably heard the saying, "Birds of a feather flock together."

It’s easier to have conversations with groups of people who have similar experiences as us, are of the same sex or race, or political persuasion, and who ultimately think like we do. ‘Like-mindedness’ means that we think alike, believe alike, and typically share similar habits and way of life.

Bill Bishop, author of The Big Sort, says "We have geographically, politically, and even spiritually sorted ourselves into like-minded groups in which we silence dissent, grow more extreme in our thinking, and consume only facts that support our beliefs. As a result, we now live in a giant feedback loop, hearing our own thoughts about what’s right and wrong bounced back to us by the television shows we watch, the newspapers and books we read, the blogs we visit online, the sermons we hear, and the neighborhoods we live in." This sorting leads us to make assumptions about the people around us, which in turn fuels disconnection. These like-minded groups also tend to make more extreme decisions than the individual typically would.

As I mentioned in my blog post a few weeks ago, this sorting into like-minded groups has caused an epidemic of loneliness. It is not the truth of our being to write off a group of people because they do not sound like us, do not think like us, do not have the same life experiences as us. We know this to be true if we are listening to our heart. I don't believe that we are called on to simply be with those who think the same way we do.

I would like to propose an alternative. How about if instead we associate with like-hearted people? Like-hearted people desire the same things, they want the same things out of life. As Francis David said way back in the 1500's, "You need not think alike to love alike."

In the end, the truth of our being is that we are all like-hearted. I believe that ultimately we all desire the same things. We all want to be loved, to be connected, to be accepted. We all want to be happy and healthy and want the same for our family and friends.

Brene Brown proposes in her book, Braving The Wilderness, "We are going to need to intentionally be with people who are different from us. We're going to have to sign up, join, and take a seat at the table. We're going to have to learn how to listen, have hard conversations, look for joy, share pain, and be more curious than defensive, all while seeking moments of togetherness."

I invite us all to go out of the comfort zone and engage not only with like-minded people, but also with like-hearted people. I invite us to take a seat at the table and work toward intentionally connecting and engaging with people who think differently than we do. Have hard conversation, share joy and pain, share stories, be curious. I would love to hear about your experience!

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LOVE Versus Fear

Nourishing The Human Spirit

What Is The Purpose Of Life?

Like-Minded Or Like-Hearted?

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