Braving the Hot Mess

Mindful Cooking And Eating

5/11/2021

I'm a fast eater. Most of the time I don't even realize that I'm eating fast until someone points it out or I notice that others are taking more time. It's as though I'm afraid that it'll go somewhere if I don't eat it fast. Maybe it comes from being from a big family. There was never a shortage of food, but if I wanted seconds or thirds of my favorite dish I had better eat quick or there might not be any left.

After a while it kind of became my thing...I'm a fast eater. I also tend to eat a lot and eat anything, so I became the girl that eats a lot of anything fast...it became one of my stories. I love food, but didn't take the time to really pay attention to it or savor it.

I also cook fast, and until recently I considered cooking to be a chore. Cooking was a means to an end. I want to give myself and my family good home cooked meals, but I really didn't enjoy the process. It takes time to shop, prepare and clean up the mess and I viewed it at a chore. I didn't appreciate the act of cooking.

A few years ago, I started to realize the importance of not taking for granted the act of creating my food and the act of eating my food. I learned that our food is impacted by our intentions. This changed how I view food, the process of preparing it and the act of eating it.

When we eat, we are taking nature into our bodies. We are changed by what we eat, and in turn, we change what we are eating. Food creates a series of relationships, it links us to other individuals, to nature, to animals.

My rice experiment post demonstrates the power of our intentions. Now I work to be mindful when I prepare food, to intentionally infuse it with love and gratitude. Cooking is an expression of love and an act of giving, it's a profoundly sacred act. By blessing the food and infusing it with love and gratitude, I can positively impact my food. Even when I'm not making the healthiest choice, the food can be positively impacted by my intentions.

There is power in eating. Michael Pollan has written several books about conscious eating. He states that eating is power, that every time we eat we have an opportunity to vote, to express our values. Do I choose pesticides or not? Do I choose local or not? Do I eat animals or not? He suggests that we be conscious about the choices we make and what we eat, because our choices are powerful, it expresses our vote.

Michael Pollan's books talk about how many of our current problems are do to the collapse of home cooking. He states that on average we spend 27 minutes per day prepping food and 4 minutes per day cleaning up. Anyone who has ever prepared even a simple meal knows that it takes a lot longer than that to prep and clean up, suggesting that most of the food is highly processed and purchased already prepared. He also notes that 46% of meals in America are eaten alone.

Corporations are cooking our food and the industry doesn't cook very well. They are not necessarily interested in our satisfaction with the food or our health and well being, they are interested in our cravings for fat, sugar and salt. They engineer the food so that we crave it.

Michael Pollan offers up the following advice on food:

-Eat only foods that have been cooked by humans.
-Don't eat anything that your great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food.
-Eat only foods that will eventually rot.
-Don't get your fuel from the same place your car does.

I am working to be more mindful about honoring the food that I am making and eating. Taking time to think about where the food is coming from and to be grateful for it and for the effort of those that produced it for me. Infusing it with love and gratitude.

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Forgiveness...How We Get Stuck And What We Can Do About It

5/4/2021

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Last week’s post explored the link between forgiveness and wellness, the choice to forgive, and facing the pain. This week let’s continue exploring forgiveness with things that keep us stuck and what we can do about it.

Based on the work of Dr Robert Enright, two big things that keep us stuck are resentment and revenge.

Resentment...Holding onto a deep-seated grudge against someone who has hurt or offended us. Words like, “I hate you," "I will never forgive you,” or “You’ll pay for that,” show resentment. We can get addicted to the high that comes from allowing our hurt to manifest in resentment. Holding onto resentment can become a habitual response to people or circumstances that do not meet with our approval, and it can create the habitual need for revenge.

Revenge...Revenge is defined as persistent ill will, a deep need to retaliate against someone who has offended us by hurting someone/anyone as badly as we’ve been hurt. Revenge can also be a desire to teach someone a lesson they won’t forget. In its more subtle form, we might abandon the offender and/or withhold communication from her or him as punishment. Such behavior can easily spiral downward into depression and can become an obsessive compulsion. Words like, “I was hurt, so it’s okay for me to hurt anyone who gets in my way,” “What goes around comes around,” “Serves you right,” or “God will get you for this” are all expressions of the desire for revenge.

What can we do to get ourselves unstuck? Dr. Enright offers two keys to getting unstuck and moving toward forgiveness.

The First Step…It may feel like hurting others is the only way to deal with our pain, but there is another way…forgiveness. Before we can forgive, we need to stop allowing ourselves to react to negative situations with resentment. Sharing our feelings is a great starting point because often the offender doesn’t have a clue that their words/actions were hurtful. At a minimum, communication can validate our experience, and it might even open the door to new understanding. This doesn’t always help, but often times it’s a catalyst to understanding and healing.

Offering Yourself Forgiveness…Along with forgiving others, we also need to consider offering ourselves forgiveness. Forgiving yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it. Forgiving yourself for not being smart enough, for not recognizing the signs, for making a poor decision, etc.

In order to truly get to a place where we can be a forgiving person, we need to start with ourselves. When you find that you are berating yourself for choices you made, opportunities missed, people you misjudged, behaviors you condoned…the first step is to stop and tell yourself "No more." Start exercising self-compassion and be a kind to yourself. Over and over again, start by easing up on yourself. Letting go of resentments and judgments of yourself first.

Once you start easing up on yourself, you’ll find it easier to ease up on others. Realizing that what you need, so do they. If I make mistakes and deserve to be forgiven, so too do they. If I hurt another and can be forgiven and move on, so too can they. If I have been critical and judgmental of someone and can be forgiven, so too can they. Give what you are seeking for yourself.

Forgiveness Techniques…I've worked with several forgiveness techniques over the years, including several meditation techniques. Finding what works best for you is key. I believe it’s important to see forgiveness as a process, it usually doesn’t happen overnight. Depending on the depth of the wound, it can take several months. Here's what I practice:

Start by being clear with yourself on this question, “Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?” Make practicing forgiveness a daily practice, a daily devotion, a daily intention to forgive yourself and others.

Be willing to look inward and ask yourself, “What was my role in the situation?” In some situations this is absolutely not part of the equation, but in most everyday relationship situations it is. Exercising empathy is an important piece to forgiveness. I remind myself that I'm seeing things through my own lens, from my perspective and that there are many other viewpoints, angles and possibilities. Ask yourself, “What did I bring to the table and what can I learn from it?” Be curious and try to obtain a full understanding of the situation.

Pray for that person’s happiness for 30 days every day for 5 minutes. If I pray for somebody one of 2 things will happen…either they will behave differently or I won’t care. Your greatest power to change the world is your power to change your mind about the world. And remember, everything is energy. If you are sending out healing energy versus resentment, that person will receive it and be impacted by it. Don't discount the impact this ripple, this blessing, may have.

As Marianne Williamson says, ”In the beginning it's really hard, but so what? Is it easy to sit there with the anger and bitterness and toxicity and blame? It's so much easier to bless someone versus blame them, not immediately, but long-term."

Forgiveness is not about forgetting, but about letting go. It's about choosing positive emotions over negative ones. I'm working on building my forgiveness muscle. Each day I'm setting my intention to forgive myself and others and to have a willingness to forgive. Each day I'm praying for the happiness of those I desire to forgive. Each day I'm choosing positive emotions over negative emotions. Each day we get to choose.

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Forgiveness...Facing The Choice And The Pain

4/27/2021

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Do you struggle with forgiveness? I certainly have. Holding onto grudges, resentments, anger and bitterness, ruminating over our stories of past hurts and injustice can quickly rob us of our peace and happiness. We know it's important to overall well-being and happiness and yet sometimes it can seem so hard! The injustice, the wound, the hurt feelings ughhh! I'm a kind and decent person, it's just feels so unfair sometimes!

It depends on the situation, some things are easier to forgive than others. I struggle with forgiveness if I feel I'm owed a heartfelt apology and I don't get one, or if I've done something stupid that I personally regret. In those circumstances, forgiving myself and others can be a challenge.

With some situations, it’s not just as easy as just deciding to forgive is it? It's not as easy as one day just deciding...today I am going to extend forgiveness. Funny thing is, I've tried to do that and the sneaky resentment and anger eventually reared it's ugly head again. Blah!!!

Unforgiveness is classified in medical books as disease. According to Dr. Steven Standiford, chief of surgery at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, refusing to forgive makes people sick and keeps them that way. Forgiveness therapy is being used to treat cancer and other disease patients. Research indicates that of all cancer patients, 61% have forgiveness issues and more than half of them severe.

Over the last two decades, a lot of research has been published about the positive impact of forgiveness, particularly on the forgiver and in relationships. From cancer studies, to studies on depression, health is improved with forgiveness. It’s important to address the issue of forgiveness as we consider our overall wellness and things that might be hindering it and our happiness.

I’ve studied the work of Dr. Robert Enright and use his forgiveness research, knowledge and techniques in my own life and I love to share this information with others. This week and next week, I’ll be taking a deep dive into the topic of forgiveness by sharing some of Dr. Enright's work. Forgiveness is like a muscle, the more we use it, the more we practice it, the stronger it gets, the easier it gets and the better that we get at doing it.

Let’s start by exploring some of the basics behind the experience of being injured, and then next week we’ll explore things that keep us stuck and what we can do to move forward, forgive and heal.

You face a choice
As you walk your path, remember that each time you perceive that someone has mistreated you that you face a choice. The event occurs and someone has caused you pain. Dr. Enright describes it as though someone has placed a heavy stone in your path and you have two options, 1) acknowledge the obstacle and move around it, or 2) lift the stone and strap it to your back. Making the choice to strap it to your back is exhausting and painful, both physically and emotionally.

You can’t change other people
It’s impossible to walk their path and alter how they treat you. You can’t force someone to feel sorry for what they've done or said. The only thing you're in charge of is your own behavior and your own energy. You're in control of the way you think of yourself and others. You're in control of the resentful feelings you harbor against others. You're in control of having judgmental and negative thoughts.

Facing the pain
It can be hard to face the depth of our pain. It can feel overwhelming, like if we acknowledge it, truly acknowledge it, that we might not be able to handle it.

Then there’s the added layer of pain that we experience when we give the person "air time in our head". What’s so ironic about this is that we don’t want them near us, and yet not only are they living near us, we are letting them live inside of us.

On a scale of 1 to 10, rate how much pain you have in your heart right now. The question then is...what are you going to do with that pain? Do you know what most people do with their pain? They pass it on to other people. They pass it on to people in their lives and those people then have to deal with it. We try to get rid of the pain by tossing it to others. Isn’t that what the person did who hurt you? Hurt people, hurt people.

So, the question then becomes…are you going to let others inherit your pain, or are you going to change the cycle? Forgiveness is when we begin to realize that we are stronger than the pain. When we stand up, acknowledge the pain and say...“I will not let this abuse others, make others uncomfortable, and it’s not going to defeat me because I’m standing with the pain right now.”

Dr. Enright states, "As you stand in the pain, you end up not hurting others and letting others live a less-wounded life. We can’t go back in time and change what happened, it’s part of our history. It happened, you own it and refuse to pass it on to anybody. As you do that you are giving a gift to yourself and to others, including to the one who hurt you."

Taking time to grieve
In our culture, we typically don’t allow ourselves to properly feel and grieve, in part because of our hectic lives, but also, because we are afraid. We’re conditioned to be strong and move on, to sweep it under the rug or live in denial, to numb and self-medicate. How many times have you experienced loss, and when faced with your own grief someone was quick to patch you up with a...“There, there, it’ll get better. No need to cry.” Feelings are often seen as unproductive, so we try to ignore them, or we indulge in them and get stuck in a cycle of self-pity and blaming.

According to Dr. Enright, “This conditioning keeps us heavily distracted, contained, controlled. It is one of the reasons why we keep ourselves so busy and have taxed sympathetic nervous systems and adrenal glands...we are afraid to be silent and still where we can feel and grieve. Without the trauma resolution that grieving provides, our past pain unconsciously seeps into our immediate relationships and systems. Victims of abuse may become abusers themselves, perpetuating the cycle.”

Next week, we’ll pick up with things that keep us stuck and techniques for forgiveness and healing.

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Love Gives Us Hope

4/20/2021

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Given all of the events happening in the world right now, I think we all could use some hope. Hope opens the door to new possibilities and imagines a world beyond what exists. Hope motivates and inspires us to act with compassion, kindness, gentleness, and generosity. Hope is a spiritual practice.

How do we get more hope though when we are struggling to feel it? Love gives us hope. We lean into love. We remember who we are and where we came from. We remember..

That we are all light workers. There is a quote by Martin Luther King Jr. that says, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” Love gives us hope. Remember to shine your light bright, don't let your light be dimmed by others.

That there is a lot more light in this world than there is darkness. When bad things happen, it can be easy to fall into the trap of believing that there is a lot of darkness, a lot of things going wrong and it can feel overwhelming. Always remember that the goodness in the world by far out weighs the bad.

That we are all one. Let's all quit pretending that we are somehow separate. We are no greater than the sum of all of our parts. There is no place where I stop and you begin.

That what we do, what we say, what we think, and what we don't do matters. It not only impacts you, but it collectively impacts all of us. And what you heal within you, helps to heal it in all of us.

That every moment of every day we get to choose again. You get to choose what you say, what you think, what you do, and what you don't do. This is your world, this is our world. Let's create a world that is full of love and gratitude, full of empathy and understanding, full of forgiveness and compassion.

That we all have the power to be the example. Be the example of what you wish to see in the world. If you want to see more love, spread more love. If you want to see more empathy, share more empathy. If you want to see more gratitude, be grateful. If you want to see more forgiveness, be more forgiving. If you want to see more inclusion, be more inclusive. Be the change that you wish to see in the world. When you change, the world changes. Change your mind, change the world.

This week, this month, this year, this lifetime, I invite you to commit to doing something in honor of love. In honor of us all being one. In honor of yourself and of your neighbor, and the person across town, or across the world.

It can be a random act of kindness, a loving kindness meditation, taking a meal to someone in need, expressing gratitude for someone. This week let's all very intentionally be the example. Bringing more love, empathy and forgiveness into our world. This is my challenge to you this week, you have it within you...you are a light worker. Love gives us hope.

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Communication Is A Two-Way Street

4/13/2021

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Do you find yourself having a one-way conversation with God? A lot of us were taught at a young age to pray through routine dinnertime and bedtime prayers, as well as through ritualistic prayers in church. But, we were left to figure out how to personally communicate with God.

Minister and author, Michael Bernard Beckwith, teaches a prayer process that has really helped guide my communication. Instead of prayer being a one-way street, he sets up a process for communication being a two-way street. He also offers suggestions for how to ready yourself to receive more blessings.

Here are some thoughts on prayer and his prayer process:

1. Prayer is how we communicate with God.

Prayer is the attention of the heart, and what we give the attention of our heart to matters deeply, because we become what we pay attention to. While some of our prayers are intentional, even our thoughts are prayers.

Most formal definitions of prayer speak to petitions, a request to do something. However, this isn't necessarily the best way to communicate with God. Instead, consider asking God an empowering question.

Examples of empowering questions are ... What's trying to emerge in my life?, What's my purpose?, What lesson am I learning?. Disempowering questions sound like this … What should I do?, What's wrong with me?, Why is this happening to me?.

2. Meditation is how God communicates with us.

Being still and turning the volume down allows us to hear the still, small voice of God guiding us. Have faith that by being still you will hear his guidance. Meditation opens us up to receiving the guidance in many ways. It causes us to be present ... to be vibrationally aligned with our Creator. As we practice, we’ll notice that we are more present and aware of synchronous events, words of wisdom spoken through another person, an intuitive feeling, or even a message in a dream.

3. Be Vibrationally Ready to Receive

You are a vibrational being. Drawing into yourself all the time the vibration that is most like what you are putting out. You cannot have what you're not willing to become vibrationally ... being in alignment is key.

Let go of resistance and be in alignment with the blessing that’s coming by asking "what if" questions and by visualizing. By asking "what if" questions and visualizing, you are becoming vibrationally ready to receive the blessing. If you come from a place of I want, I want, I want, then that will only create more want and it will block you from receiving your blessing.

Start asking "what if" questions..."What if all my needs were met, what would I be doing in my life?", "What if everything is really working together for my good?", "What if all of the bad things that happened in my life are leading me to activating some great potential?", "What if God is really on my side?" When you start asking "what if" questions, small miracles will start happening in your life.

Begin to see, to visualize, the kind of life that you wish to live. Begin to talk about it, to write about it, to dream about it. Talk about the vision more than you talk about your problems. Give it energy, pay it attention.

I invite you to pray, meditate, and visualize a few minutes daily using empowering questions and “what if” questions and notice what shifts happen in your life.

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Burst Into The Light

4/6/2021

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The sunlight in the spring triggers leaves to burst out of the buds that they have remained dormant in all winter. During winter trees appear to be bare and dead, but they are not dead, they are just dormant. They are resting and waiting until conditions are favorable for them to be active again.

Buds are actually on the tree all winter long. If you look at the very tips of the twigs in the winter you'll see buds. At the end of summer, the last new leaves the tree makes will become the buds that protect the tree all winter long. These winter buds contain all the tree needs to start growing again once it is spring.

Buds are on the tips of the twigs all winter long to protect the tree from freezing cold temperatures. They serve as a barrier to keep the cold out and prevent the inner parts of the tree from freezing and dying. In the spring when temperatures warm up and the days are longer the trees begin to come back to life.

This year we not only lay dormant from the cold, darkness of winter, but also of a pandemic. Have you, like the trees, been resting and waiting for conditions to be favorable to be active again, to come back to life? What has been laying dormant for you that has now been triggered by spring and wants to burst forth?

Spring is a time of renewal and rebirth. The spring flowers surface and bloom, buds on the trees burst into leaves, grass turns green, farmers plant their fields, and the birds return. Here in Wisconsin coming out from the dark cold winter months, spring is a hopeful time where we're reenergized to see the reemergence of light and life.

Some of us mark spring by engaging in spring housecleaning. Decluttering our homes and renewing them for the year. It can be a time for the attitude of "out with the old and in with the new." Spring can also be a great time to declutter our minds, our mental energy, our emotional energy, and our spiritual energy. A planting of a new energetic seed.

It's a great time to check in and take a look at what we want to clear out and let go of and what it is that we want to plant. It's a time for transference and manifesting. A time to reflect on what it is that you want to draw into your life.

A time to remember that what you water, what you give energy to, what you give your attention to...grows.

What is it that you would like to energetically clear out to make space for planting some new seeds to grow? What old story are you willing to let go of, so you can energize a new story ... a new way of being, a new mindset, a new experience? What are those seeds that you would like to plant this spring?

Take a few moments this week to be still and check in with where you are at. What's going well and what isn't? What would you like to clear out to make room for something different? Step off that hamster wheel of life and reflect, reevaluate, renew, reenergize and rejuvenate.

Be intentional and remember that what you water, what you give energy to, grows. Whatever it might me for you, let the sight and sound of spring serve as an invitation to put a spring in your step to shake off the winter and pandemic and get into the action.

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Stop, Drop, And Roll

3/16/2021

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Do you remember having fire drills at school as a kid? They taught the stop, drop, and roll technique for putting out a fire that was on you. The stop, drop, and roll technique also works great at putting out internal fires.

Internal fires happen whenever we’re caught up in the heat of the moment and burning to do something...maybe something we know we’ll regret later. This is when we can apply a variation of the instructions kids are taught to do if they’re on fire...we can stop, drop, and roll.

Here's the stop, drop, and roll mindfulness technique:

Stop. Instead of immediately firing back at the object of our irritation, we can stop, pause and pay attention. Just the act of stopping and taking notice will help us to not be so reactive.

Drop. Now we can drop into the present and become aware of tendencies and patterns that recur when we’re triggered. Taking notice what we are feeling and sensing, becoming aware of our thought patterns, and whether we’re remembering to breathe. Creating this pause, this gap, allows us to calm our nervous system and to remember that we have a choice about how to handle this moment in time. It's a moment to drop our limiting beliefs and create some perspective. A moment to tap into empathy and compassion. The process, which may take only seconds, ideally ends with asking ourselves “What will serve my highest and best good and the highest and best good of others?"

Roll. Then we roll. Perhaps we roll with it, we surrender or accept it. Or, possibly we roll out a proactive plan (not a reactive one) to handle or change the situation. If we are calm and not reactive we can problem solve and think better, be more creative, we can connect and process. We can roll out the welcome mat to a more mindful approach.

Life will inevitably offer up everything from minor annoyances to heartbreaking tragedies. At these times we can ask ourselves... Am I fanning the flames of conflict? Or, am I extinguishing the flame and dousing it with love, kindness, compassion and empathy? And, am I willing to take responsibility for unpacking my own internal fire?

Stop, drop, and roll your way into internal steadiness and proactive calm, resilience and emotional intelligence.

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Practicing Gritty Gratitude

3/11/2021

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This past year has been hard. As we mark one year of the pandemic and all of the various challenges that we've faced, I've been reflecting on how I've had to dig into my gratitude practice a lot deeper this past year.

It can be relatively easy during challenging times to resort to practicing Pollyanna-type gratitude. This is when we mindlessly give a laundry list of "surface things" we are grateful for, or that we think we should be grateful for. Surface things to be grateful for might include having food on the table, a bed to sleep in, air to breathe, etc. While these things are certainly very worthy of gratitude and for many people are not surface level, when they are repeated mindlessly on a daily basis they don't really accomplish retraining our brain or changing the lens through which we view the world. In essence, this is practicing gratitude on auto-pilot.

Gritty gratitude, however, is a deeper level of gratitude. Gritty gratitude is messier then the type we display on Instagram or Facebook. This is where we take a challenging experience and shine a light on the pieces within it to be grateful for. It's the disheveled, mucky gratitude buried within those experiences ... the lessons learned or the helpers who came forth. A grateful heart is gritty and resilient, brave and courageous, compassionate and kind.

During good times, it's easy to practice gratitude. During the hard times is where we work to practice, where we have to go deeper. We have to look the challenges straight in the face and peel back the layers ... finding appreciation for the things that trigger us and digging for the source of wisdom.

As this past year became harder, I held tight to my practice of gritty gratitude, as well as being present with the here and now. I invite you to intentionally practice gratitude by identifying at least three things that you’re grateful for each day. Challenge yourself to have at least one of the three be a gritty gratitude.

Gratitude is a muscle that strengthens over time, changing the lens through which we view the world from a lens of lack to a lens of abundance. It truly is life-altering.

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Limiting Beliefs...Roadblocks to Thriving

3/9/2021

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Throughout the course of my own journey, in conversations and observations with family and friends, participants in various workshops, and client consultation sessions, it became apparent that there are common roadblocks to reaching our full potential and becoming the best version of ourselves.

These roadblocks impact all areas of our lives. They can keep us from achieving success within our personal growth and development, our relationships, our health & wellness, our sense of happiness and joy, our spiritual growth and connection, our business or career, our finances, as well as our capacity to serve others.

One of the biggest roadblocks is our limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are thought patterns that we learned as a child and repeat throughout our lives until we believe them to be true. Some of them work well for us, but others keep us from reaching our full potential.

These limiting beliefs could be about ourselves, others or the world. They pull us down instead of lift us up; throw up roadblocks instead of allow us to move forward; disempower instead of empower and make us feel less than instead of more than enough.

They are the voices and thoughts in our head that convince us that we can’t be, do or have something. They keep us from thriving, being the best version of ourselves, accomplishing our goals and whatever we desire from life. Struggle and angst in life are typically an indication that limiting beliefs are at work.

Awareness creates opportunity for change. Letting go of limiting beliefs that don’t serve you and adopting enlightened beliefs will empower you to make your mission, goals, hopes and dreams a reality.

Consider how much better your life would be if you stopped believing in something that is not supported by evidence. Most success and happiness exists just on the other side of a negative, limiting belief. The lies floating around in your head have been limiting you throughout your life. The power and positive effects of knowing and believing the truth can set you free. Reversing limiting beliefs is not only possible, it is powerful.

My sister, Kathy, and I have created a new program called Mission Possible. This program systematically challenges these roadblocks and steps you through the process of cultivating new more empowered belief systems that will help you achieve the life you desire. Our Mission Possible Program will lead you through crafting your own unique Mission, identifying your Great Devotion Pillars, pinpointing your Limiting Beliefs associated with each of those pillars, and give you strategies for Cultivating Empowering Beliefs.

Our hope is that this program will strip away the hurdles that keep you from living the life of your dreams and guide you to thrive and gain success in all areas of your life. Reach out to me if you would like to learn more.

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May I Have Your Attention Please

3/2/2021

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Sometimes I feel like getting someone's attention is a huge challenge, like I need to get a big megaphone and yell into it what I'm trying to communicate. I realize that I'm guilty of the same thing though, busy in my own thoughts, in my own world, not paying attention. The phones ringing, text and email messages are coming in, work needs to get done, life is full. I told you about it, no you didn't tell me, yes I told you yesterday, well I didn't hear you...sound familiar?

In today's world our attention is under siege. We are bombarded with multiple forms of stimuli at all times. A lot of us, a lot of the time, are looking down at our cell phones, paying attention to what our phone is telling us versus paying attention to what is going on around us, or to what someone else is telling us. The younger generation has grown up with a technological device in their hand most of the time. They can be sitting next to someone and choose to text or snapchat the person instead of looking up and having a real interaction.

We go and go and go, distracted by the endless to do lists, the busyness of running to and from activities, the mess of thoughts that are running through our head trying to keep track of it all, the hustle and bustle of keeping up with the tasks of modern day life. Sound familiar? If we are so preoccupied with ourselves and with our own lives, and we are not paying attention, we are potentially missing out on some important details in life.

When we are not aware, not present, it's hard to have emotional intelligence. Our level of emotional intelligence is critical to our overall success and happiness in life. Your emotional quotient (EQ) is deemed to be a more important indicator of your success in all areas of your life than is your intelligence quotient (IQ). How many of us consciously develop our own, or our children's, emotional quotient?

Emotional intelligence can be defined in multiple ways. Here's one explanation from Psychology Today. Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include 3 skills:

1. Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;
2. The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving;
3. The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

How can we be aware of our own emotions and those of others when we are distracted with the busyness of life and not paying attention? A wandering, chaotic mind is an unhappy mind.

Daniel Goleman, author of the book Emotional Intelligence, Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, believes that the way to increase your EQ is to be mindful. He believes that mindfulness is about getting intentional about your attention. Getting out of what Goleman calls our "urban trance".

Compassion has been a big theme lately and Goleman also believes that the road to compassion starts with pure attention. Compassion begins with your own emotional hygiene. Once you get yourself in order, you are then able to open your heart so you can be compassionate toward others. Research has found that if we are preoccupied with our own busyness, we will be much less likely to be compassionate toward others. We see suffering, such as a homeless person, out of our periphery vision, but we choose to keep them in the periphery.

This week I invite you to up your emotional quotient by being mindful and intentionally paying attention. Pay attention to your own emotions and to the emotions of those around you, to get out of our urban trance and pay attention to what's in your periphery vision.

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Mindful Cooking And Eating

Forgiveness...How We Get Stuck And What We Can Do About It

Forgiveness...Facing The Choice And The Pain

Love Gives Us Hope

Communication Is A Two-Way Street

Burst Into The Light

Stop, Drop, And Roll

Practicing Gritty Gratitude

Limiting Beliefs...Roadblocks to Thriving

May I Have Your Attention Please

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