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Don't Let Yourself Get To The 'But'

5/17/2022

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Do you have dreams and passions that you are ignoring? Maybe you're convincing yourself that you can't possibly do it. Does that little voice in your head give you all kinds of "buts", all kinds of reasons for why you can't possibly do what you are dreaming of doing? Things like:

-but, I'm too old.
-but, I'm too young.
-but, I don't know enough.
-but, It's already been done.
-but, I don't know the right people.
-but, there are people who do it better than me.
​-but, no one will listen to me.

Most times, it doesn't even take an outside critic to dissuade us from accomplishing our dreams, usually we take care of it ourselves with the critic inside our head. Our own fears, self-doubt and negative self-talk keep us paralyzed from living out our dreams. Flipping the switch and stopping ourselves from engaging in unproductive self-talk is important. Flip the switch to an affirmation like, "I am enough", "I am courageous", "I am brave", "I am strong", "I am confident", etc. will help to curb your fears. 

Our belief system is also super important to whether or not we choose to go after our dreams, it either helps us to believe that our dream is possible, or it helps us to believe that it's impossible. Our belief system is mostly derived from what we have experienced to be true based on the examples in our own life. If you've seen, heard, or read examples of people who have done something the same, or similar to what you are hoping to accomplish, then you will typically believe that it's possible for you to accomplish it as well. This is a huge hurdle in overcoming our fears and self-doubt. 

So what can we do to help ourselves believe it to be possible? One key step is to surround yourself with as many examples as possible of others who have accomplished something similar. Read books, watch videos, talk to people, interview people, find out as much as you can about how they did what they did. 

Next, write down your dream, or your goal and the next small step to making it happen. Don't get overwhelmed, just write down what the next small step would be in the direction of achieving the goal. There is so much power in writing it down and breaking it down into manageable steps. Small baby steps that will move you in the direction of achieving the dream. We more easily convince ourselves to take small baby steps. Once you obtain some movement, you get off square one, it'll be a little easier to keep taking the next small step and the next small step. 

Don't wait until you've achieved what you think is the perfect amount of knowledge, or skill, or experience to begin going after your dream, if you do chances are that you'll never feel good enough or "perfect "enough. Experts did not start out being experts, they started out as beginners, as apprentices and they became experts. What if we just get started and learn more as we go, become experts along the way? What if we just started where we are and go from there? At a certain point, let good enough be your rule. 

Steve Harvey said in an interview, "Surround yourself with dreamers. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Stop telling your dreams to small-minded people." Keep around you people who love and support you and your dreams. People who challenge you to be all that you can be and more. People who will encourage you even when you may fail. People who are also dreamers and who are aspiring to lead an extraordinary life. Live BIG, live interesting, live extraordinary, create magic. Why not? The world needs ordinary people leading extraordinary lives
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Imagination Is Everything

5/9/2022

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Albert Einstein is quoted as saying, "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." What an awesome quote, because you are always creating in your life, either intentionally or unintentionally. Where your attention goes, energy flows. What you give attention to you are bringing to life, so why not use your imagination and its creative power to bring your dreams to life?

Steve Harvey often says, "Everything God wants you to have he puts it in your imagination." This is another cool way to view how our imagination can open us up to the possibilities that are available to us in our life. We can use our imagination to tap into our dreams and create a vision for our life. 

One easy way to begin to ignite and tap into your imagination is through practicing wonder. Sonia Choquette states in her book, Trust Your Vibes At Work, and Let Them Work for You, "The minute you turn your awareness over to that wonder, your mind steps aside and your intuition becomes activated. Wondering invites invention, adventure, and exploration of things to come. It shifts you out of defense and self-preservation and into creativity and collaboration with your higher self. Often we are too busy trying to figure things out to allow ourselves the opportunity to wonder. Yet wondering taps into our right brain (the creative side) and explores new possibilities and unknown variables, while figuring things out taps into our left brain (the logical side) and draws from past experiences and known variables. Solutions arise from within, but we rarely think to look there, being conditioned to seek outwardly from others instead."

Wonder on paper, wonder out loud, wonder with a trusted friend, have fun and wonder. The creative, intuitive mind is a playful mind, so stretch your imagination muscles like you did when you were a child. 

An exercise I love that helps me to tap into my imagination is to play the "imagine if" or "what if" game. When playing the "imagine if" and "what if" game there are no limitations, no rules, no restrictions, no logic. You get to freely create using your imagination what you would like life to look like. You can play this game on your own through visualizing, journaling, drawing or speaking it out loud. It's a great game to play while driving.

My favorite way to play the "what if" game is with a trusted friend or family member. The synergy that is created by the amplified energy of two or more people engaging their imaginations can bring forth the really juicy stuff!

Use your imagination to tap into your dreams. Create the vision and then talk about the vision more than you talk about what you don't want in life. Give it energy, pay it attention. Remember ... where your attention goes, energy flows. What you give attention to you are bringing to life. Talk about the possibility, even if you don't know how to get there. Talk to the vision and then after a while you will be talking from it. 
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Most Of Today's Problems Were Yesterday's Dreams

5/2/2022

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Most of today's problems were yesterday's dreams ... I'm not sure anymore where I heard that phrase, but it stuck with me. If you think about it, a lot of what we might complain about as being problematic, annoying, or frustrating are things that we once wished for and dreamed of having in our lives. 

Here are some examples: 

I dream of having a job where I feel needed and can earn a living.
I dream of being married.
I dream of having a house.
I dream of having children and a family.
I dream of having a car. 
I dream of making a difference in the world. 

Fast-forward a few years and you now have a job where you are needed, a home, a spouse, kids, a car, whatever those dreams were for you. What can easily happen is our daily complaining centers around caring for the things that we once dreamt of having in our lives :) Yep, I'm guilty of this too. 

It can be easy to whine and complain about transporting kids to activities, doing yard work, the mounds of laundry and the pile of dishes, taking the car in for an oil change, going to work, volunteering, etc. The very things that we once upon a time dreamt of having in our life. 

It's not that the reality isn't sometimes overwhelming, but what I've personally found is that the "reality" is really that problematic. Sure there are real struggles, challenges and suffering in life and I'm not trying to diminish or sweep them under the rug. However, it can be pretty easy to become fixated on the grind of life versus celebrating the beauty and richness of life and all that we have within it. This is where a gratitude practice is really helpful. It gives us perspective. It keeps our brains in check.

Instead of focusing on our complaints, we can be grateful for having a reliable vehicle that takes us where we need to go, having a washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, and running water to make our daily tasks so very much easier. Cherishing the loved ones in our lives and that we have things to care for and love and support. Celebrating and focusing our brains on the fabulous gifts, the dreams that became reality, and the amazing modern technology that helps us get things done with ease. 

Remembering that most of today's problems were yesterday's dreams helps me keep perspective and appreciative. Creating a pause where I can remember … lucky me I wished for that, I dreamt of it, I worked hard for it, I am so grateful to have a life full of yesterday's dreams!
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Top Five Regrets Of The Dying

4/26/2022

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Bronnie Ware is a nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
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Ware writes, "People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal."

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so much.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
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5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

Ware concludes, "When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."

Do any of these resonate with you? What are your regrets? Each moment brings a new opportunity to choose again, with it we can intentionally move toward alignment with our truth and elimination of regret. 
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The Sunlight Of Awareness

4/19/2022

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A beautiful quote by Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hanh that I love is, “Each thought, each action in the sunlight of awareness becomes sacred. If you touch one thing with deep awareness, you touch everything.” I absolutely love this, it brings forth wonderful imagery. 

The word sacred means connected with God. Therefore, the quote becomes...each thought, each action in the sunlight of awareness becomes connected with God. 

I like to envision holding out my thought, or my action, in the sunlight of awareness and then ask myself, "Is this a godly thought, or is this a godly action?" That deep awareness of being connected with God, being one with all, and shining a bright ray of light on that deep awareness with the knowledge that it touches everything. 

This doesn't mean that we won't have challenging feelings like anger, frustration, sadness, etc. I'm not a proponent of sweeping these feelings under the rug and ignoring them. However, we can bring awareness to our feelings, to our thoughts, and reactions to those feelings. A lot of times our thoughts and reactions to the feeling is the piece that causes us to get stuck. 

Yesterday I was reminded to "embrace the anger", to use it as fuel for positive change. This is a good example of how we can either choose to use our anger destructively and gear our thoughts and reactions toward things like vengeance, or we can use our anger productively toward something like steps to correct an injustice, etc. Anger can be a wonderful motivator, a change agent. 

Pastor and entrepreneur, Russ Ewell, explains that, “'Deep Awareness' is a spiritual sensitivity to God and his Word that awakens our conscience, and stirs up the transformative power of the Holy Spirit for change. This awareness keeps us from slipping back into old patterns of life or attitudes of mind. Most importantly, 'Deep Awareness' keeps us confident of God’s grace, so we can navigate the difficult or even discouraging stages of our spiritual journey, and reach the destiny to which God has called us."

This quote reminds me to live with a deeper awareness, to bring my thoughts and actions into the sunlight of awareness, to continuously remember my connection to God and to all. 
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Yoga instructor Lisa Mccormack sums it up beautifully, "When we walk united in deep awareness and stand undivided in our intention, our collective energy is exponentially magnified. The next person you meet needs this from us right now. You may need this from us right now. Join me in creating an energetic tapestry of compassion and hope to surround and comfort all living beings who are suffering in the world right now." 

​Amen
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Grow Your Emotional Intelligence

4/11/2022

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You may have heard that your level of emotional intelligence is more important to your success than your IQ. While IQ is a strong predictor of academic success, it alone is not enough to set you up for success in life. Researchers have shown that our success at work or in life depends 80% on emotional intelligence and only 20% on IQ. 

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to understand and manage emotional encounters. Individuals who score highly on emotional intelligence tend to be better able to handle everyday stress, foster a greater number of meaningful close relationships, be more socially competent, and reach their goals and aspirations. 

Emotionally intelligent people have mastered different emotional skills, where each skill contributes to one or more aspects of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be learned and fostered. My new program offering, The Compass: An Emotional Intelligence Program, is designed to assist with cultivating emotional intelligence skills in the following four key areas:

1. Noticing and understanding emotions in oneself. This involves the ability to understand one’s deep emotions and be able to express them naturally. A person with high ability in this area will be better than most people in sensing and acknowledging their emotions.

2. Effective regulation of emotion in oneself. This involves the ability to effectively deal with one’s own emotions. A person with high capability in this aspect will be better than most people in preventing their emotions from automatically influencing their behavior. For instance, when a person with high emotion regulation skills experiences anger, they will be able to manage the anger in a compassionate, healthy and productive way that creates psychological comfort. 

3. Using emotions to facilitate performance. This relates to the ability to make use of emotions by directing them toward constructive activities and personal performance. A person who is highly capable in this aspect is able to encourage themselves to continuously do better and direct their emotions in positive, productive and creative directions.

4. Noticing and understanding emotions in others. This relates to the ability to perceive and understand emotions in other people. A person with high ability in this area will be better than most people at noticing and understanding other people’s emotions.

These four steps will help you elevate your emotional intelligence. Please reach out to me if you are interested in learning more about the program.
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The Practice Of Awe

4/5/2022

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The feeling of awe, have you felt it lately? It's that wonderful, heart-opening feeling of amazement, wonder, reverence and inspiration. We usually experience it when we feel we are in the presence of some greater force.

Lately, I've been feeling awe at the beauty of nature. Springtime in Wisconsin can bring about the sense of awe in the cycle of nature. It's easy out in nature to feel awe if you are paying attention or actively practicing awe.

You might be thinking, "What do you mean actively practicing awe? Is this a thing?" The answer is yes, it is a thing! A lot research is coming out on the power of awe and the intentional practice of cultivating the feeling. 

The feeling of awe is good for your health and helps us to revise our mental models of what's possible in the world. A new UC Berkeley study reveals that awe can even improve physical and mental health, possibly even lowering the risk of many forms of disease ... benefits similar to those enjoyed by eating right and exercising. As Berkeley psychology professor Dacher Keltner puts it, “Don’t underestimate the power of goosebumps.”
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This most recent research out of UC Berkeley links positive emotions ... especially the awe we feel when touched by the beauty of nature, art, and spirituality ... with lower levels of pro-inflammatory proteins that signal the immune system to work harder.

And the good news is that you can promote your health with an awe experience as simple as watching a sunset, or even looking at a picture of an awe-inspiring sunset. As Dr. Dacher Keltner put it, "That awe, wonder, and beauty promote healthier levels of cytokines suggests that the things we do to experience these emotions ... a walk in nature, losing oneself in music, beholding art ... has a direct influence upon health and life expectancy."

Awe can be found in almost any environment, turning a mundane or ordinary experience into one of inspiration, wonder and awe. We're more likely to feel awe in a new place, where the sights and sounds are unfamiliar to us. 

The key to feeling awe is to be in the right frame of mind, then you can turn an ordinary walk into a series of awe-inspiring moments, filled with awesome surprises. The practice of awe is easy and can be done anywhere, anytime.

​During your next walk, approach what you see with a fresh set of eyes, even if you are walking in the city versus out in a natural landscape. Look for the beauty, look for the awe-inspiring sights. You might find it in a skyscraper, some amazing architectural work, a beautiful art piece, a beam of sunlight dancing through a window, a gesture of another person, the giggle of a young child. The possibilities are endless!

I invite and encourage you to practice awe by building into your day mini awe interventions!
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Morning Pages

3/29/2022

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Have you heard about the practice, the tool, called morning pages? It comes from the book The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I've heard it mentioned many times over the years and then a good friend suggested the book. I picked it up and began reading and then set it aside with the excuse to myself that I didn't have time to explore this new practice. Well, it's come up yet again and I've decided that it's time to dive in and explore the practice. 

So what are morning pages? Morning pages are three pages of longhand writing, strictly stream-of-conscious. Cameron says that there's no wrong way to do morning pages. She writes in the book, "Nothing is too petty, too silly, too stupid, or too weird to be included ... If you can’t think of anything to write, then write, ‘I can’t think of anything to write…’ Do this until you have filled three pages. Do anything until you have filled three pages.” 

Cameron suggests that you can write ... this is what I like, this is what I don't like, this is what I want more of, this is what I want less of. She says that, "It's as if you are sending a little telegram to the universe and you're saying here is my precise position and here's how I authentically actually feel. It's a form of prayer and meditation."

Cameron makes the case that morning pages will make your life better ... you will find solutions to big life problems, your relationships will improve, you’ll be more courageous, your senses will be awakened, you’ll take action and take risks, you’ll advocate for yourself, you’ll live more authentically, and the universe will start answering your questions and responding to your needs.
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​Here are some quotes from Cameron on describing some of the  benefits of the morning pages tool:

• “When people ask, ‘Why do we write morning pages?’ I joke, ‘To get to the other side.’ They think I am kidding, but I’m not. Morning pages do get us to the other side: the other side of our fear, our negativity, of our moods.” 
• “It is impossible to write morning pages for any extended period of time without coming into contact with an unexpected inner power. Although I used them for many years before I realized this, the pages are a pathway to a strong and clear sense of self.” 
• “Pages clarify our yearnings. They keep an eye on our goals. … If we are drifting, the pages will point that out. They will point the way True North. Each morning, as we face the page, we meet ourselves. They will dare you to become larger and they are stubborn."
• Morning pages are about tuning out our inner critic. “We learn to hear our censor’s comments and say, simply, ‘Thank you for sharing,’ while we go right on writing. We are training our censor to stand aside and let us create.” 
• “The morning pages teach logic brain to stand aside and let artist brain play.”
• “Morning pages may hold insights and intuitions that startle you. Typically, they puncture denial." 

There is something therapeutic that happens when we get things out of our head and down on paper. It helps us to explore and to stop ruminating. I'm going to start incorporating this practice into my day and I invite you to give it consideration too. 
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Planting Seeds

3/21/2022

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The spring equinox occurred this past Sunday. This is a time in the spring where the amount of light and darkness are equal. Soon the balance will shift and the amount of light will over take the darkness.

At this time of year we begin to experience more life force creative energy within our minds and bodies. As the darkness diminishes and the light increases you may feel a building of imaginative and creative energy.

Spring is a time for the planting of seeds, a time of renewal and rebirth. Many will celebrate the rebirth of Christ. The spring flowers begin to surface and bloom, the trees begin budding, the grass turns green, farmers plant their fields, and the robins return.

Some of us mark spring by engaging in spring housecleaning. Decluttering our homes and renewing them for the year. It can be a time for the attitude of "out with the old and in with the new". Spring can also be a great time to declutter our minds, our mental energy and our spiritual energy. An "out with the old and in with the new" mentally, spiritually and energetically ... the planting of a new energetic seed. 

It's a great time to check in with ourselves. To reflect on what we want to clear out and let go of, along with what it is that we want to plant. It's a time for transference and manifesting. Now is a time of celebrating the freshness of life and of taking the time to raise our energy to regenerate abundance and manifest our dreams.

A time to remember that what you water, what you give energy to, what you give your attention to ... grows. You reap what you sow. 

What is it that you would like to energetically clear out to make space for planting new seeds to grow? What old story are you willing to let go of, so you can energize a new story, a new way of being, a new mindset, a new experience? What are those seeds that you would like to plant this spring? 

We are almost a quarter of the way through this year already. What is it that you are setting out to accomplish this year? Are you giving it positive energy, are you shining some light on it, some water and nourishment? 

I invite you to take a few moments this week to be still and check in with where you are at. What's going well and what isn't? What would you like to clear out to make room for something different? Take a step off that hamster wheel of life and reflect, reevaluate, renew, reenergize and rejuvenate. Plant those seeds, shine some light on them, give them nourishment and watch them grow.
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Anxiety Is The Worst Use Of Your Imagination

3/14/2022

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I love this quote by Deepak Chopra ... "The best use of imagination is creativity. The worst use of imagination is anxiety." Anxiety is something that I hear people mention frequently as more and more people are experiencing its grip. 

Anxiety can cause excessive and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. It's the body's natural response to stress. Anxiety is a feeling of fear or apprehension about what we imagine is to come. 

When struggling with anxiety, the brain has the incredible ability to think of the worst-case scenario, to predict the worst possible outcomes and explanations for things. It doesn’t know for certain what will occur, but nevertheless it imagines, predicts, and then feels certain of this awful explanation or outcome. 

​Because anxiety involves imagination, we can also intentionally choose to use our imagination to help ourselves. We can use the same skill that makes us anxious to make us less anxious. I'm not trying to minimize or make light of anxiety, however for basic anxiety we can serve ourselves by not letting our natural negativity bias and imagination run rampant. 

​Anxiety wants to imagine an awful, terrible outcome or explanation, but with intention we can use our imagination to consider other possibilities. By doing this, we can take what feels certain and make it less certain.  We can open the door to new possibilities allowing our anxiety to settle ... creating the opportunity for a shift. This shift will help us to attract a more positive reality into our life. 

​Imagination involves creative thinking and problem solving, identifying new and different ideas, thinking outside of the box, stretching beyond our initial ideas and finding new ones.

We can start by letting ourselves to imagine the worst. But then challenge yourself to imagine as many other explanations and outcomes as you can. No matter how silly, small, or unlikely you might think it is, name it and imagine it as a possibility.

The act of imagination is a tool to counter anxiety. It’s how to cast doubt on negative outcomes that seem certain in our brain. It's how we begin to manifest a new and improved reality.

The next time anxiety starts to get the better of you, I invite you to use your imagination as a tool for good, not just for bad. Let it guide you toward possible options that are uplifting and squelch the tendency to allow it to only focus you only on the worst case scenario.
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