Braving the Hot Mess - Blog

Courage Is Fear Walking

10/19/2021

I often hear people say, I don’t want to try because ...

I don’t want to feel disappointed.
I don’t want to be judged.
I don’t want to fail.
I don’t want to look incompetent.

… I just want this feeling to go away.

As psychologist, speaker and author Susan David says, “You have dead people’s goals. Only dead people never get unwanted feelings or get inconvenienced by their feelings. Only dead people never get stressed, never get broken hearts, never experience the disappointment that comes with failure. Tough emotions are part of our contract with life. You don’t get to have a meaningful career or family and leave the world a better place without some discomfort. Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.”

Fear is the emotion at the core of these thoughts. To be courageous doesn’t mean to overcome our fear. Courage is not the absence of fear. It doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. Courageous people take action regardless of their fears.

As Susan David states, “Courage is fear walking.” It pushes you to resist the impulse to shy away from the things that stir up your innermost anxieties. Courage is the catalyst that inspires constant movement forward. It’s tiny pieces of fear all glued together.

I invite you to be fully alive by embracing courage as a tool to walk with fear. Stop playing it small and safe, instead embrace the price of admission to having a meaningful life. What baby step can take this week to move in the direction of your hopes and dreams? Identify it, no matter how small, and take action toward accomplishing it in the next few days. Bring your fear along with you on the journey.

What Are You Disciplined To?

10/12/2021

Do you consider yourself to be a disciplined person? Do you want to be more disciplined? A few years ago a wonderful nugget on discipline was shared with me, it goes like this...The question is not whether we are disciplined, we are all disciplined. The question is, what are you disciplined to? This hit home for me. It's true isn't it? We are all disciplined, it's just what are we disciplined to that's the question.

This was powerful realization for me. At times I've considered myself to not be a disciplined person. This simple shift gave me a whole new perspective. I am disciplined, it’s not a matter of me being disciplined, it’s more a matter of what I am disciplined to. These simple little perspective shifts can be super impactful. They cause us to look at something from a different point of view, a little bit different angle, and sometimes that’s all we need in order to catch ourselves and to create a positive shift.

Am I disciplined to watching TV or am I disciplined or to exercising? Am I disciplined to social media or am I disciplined to visiting with a friend? Am I disciplined to eating out or am I disciplined to planning and making meals? Am I disciplined to reading the news or to reading a book?

This week I invite you to reflect on what it is you are disciplined to and whether those items are serving you. Do you desire to create a shift and discipline yourself toward something different? Something that might bring more positivity, passion, meaning, or impact?

Fall is a great time of year to let go of the things that aren't serving you and say yes to a new discipline. Shake up your routine and blend in some new disciplines!

Premature Death

10/5/2021

Do you feel empty? Does your life feel void of passion? Are you moving at a breathless pace, trying to keep up with the culture of busyness? If you are, I hear you, I see you, I recognize your pain. So many people are depressed, anxious, and lonely... struggling with addictions and strategies of numbing and anesthesia...anything to ward off the feelings of emptiness.

In the book The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller, the author discusses the many forms of grief and unpacks how deficient our culture is at healing and the soul work of grief.

Weller writes, "Facing our emptiness is the key to our freedom. Emptiness saturates our culture. Addictions, consumption, materialism are symptoms of this condition. They are attempts to cope with the unbearable feelings of barrenness. To feel empty is to live in the wasteland near the gates of death. This is intolerable to the soul. We were not meant to live such shallow lives."

He goes on to say, "Many of us suffer from what I call premature death, in that we have turned away from whole portions of our life. We have adapted to a pattern of ambivalence, neither in nor out of life, but living in a state of suspended animation...I think most people walk around possessed by the dullest parts of themselves; this, the worst state of possession is called normal."

We long to feel that we are needed to in order for the world to keep happening. Weller believes that the absence of this remains as a persistent grief in our psyches, that we have become spiritually unemployed. He suggests that instead of asking, "What do you do for a living?", ask:

What is the gift that you carry in your soul?
What have you brought with you into the heart of the village?

Spiritual employment is feeling valued for the gifts with which we are born, it affirms our worth and dignity. By simply being who you are, your place in the village is confirmed. This feeling of grounding and acceptance is essential to finding and maintaining a feeling of emotional intimacy with life, with one another, and with our own soul.

I invite you to consider reading Weller's book. It's a beautifully written work on grief and healing.

Grace Soaked Grounded Soul

9/28/2021

In an interview Oprah had with Shauna Niequist, author of the book Present Over Perfect, Oprah asked, "What are some of the practices we can all do to become a source of healing in the world?" Shauna Niequist responded, "When you bring a grace soaked grounded soul to any room that you walk in you are offering yourself as an instrument of healing." Don't you just love that? Savor it for a moment, bask in it...a grace soaked grounded soul.

What does it mean to be grace soaked? For me, it means living the essence of God. Living the true essence of who you are at your core. Acting with divinity. It's strength and empowerment to bring love and kindness and to do good works.

What does it mean to be a grounded soul? For me, being a grounded soul means living with intention. Grounded and anchored with intention. Grounded in who you are, what your purpose is here, and what you stand for. Being able to fully answer the question, "Who am I?" Being centered in that answer and aligned with it. It's living from a place of integrity. It's living with faith. It's a place of practice and more practice.

Can you envision how we could be an instrument for healing in the world if we were all grace soaked grounded souls? Can you imagine the amazing and powerful ripples that would be created in the world? Ripples of healing cast out into the Universe.

I believe that the world will be healed by the human spirit. By and through more and more of us rising up. By more of us having grace soaked grounded souls. By more of us being able to firmly answer, "Who am I?" By more of us speaking our truth. By more of us being curious and listening with empathy. By more of us finding our purpose. By more of us aligning ourselves with integrity and living a congruent life. By more of us offering up forgiveness. By more of us being brave, opening our hearts, rising up and creating ripples of healing change in the world.

I invite you to ground your soul and soak it up in grace to help be a source of healing in our world.

Getting Out Of The Way

9/21/2021

Sometimes we take things for granted don't we? It's easy to do, we get busy, make excuses, put it off until tomorrow over and over again. Maybe it's our health, relationships, finances, marriage, our dreams and goals, it can be easy to take them for granted and put it off until some random date in the future.

Sometimes we do this until we receive a wake up call, where we can no longer ignore or take it for granted. In what area of your life do you need a wake up call, a call to action? What have you been avoiding?

Here in Wisconsin the leaves are beginning to turn color and fall to the ground. The fall of the leaves can symbolize the fall of old ways. It can represent an out with the old and in with the new. As we watch leaves fluttering to the ground, we are reminded that the cycle of nature is also mirrored in our lives. Autumn is the time for shedding, letting go and releasing things that have been a burden. Letting things fall that are no longer in our highest and best good, that are no longer serving us in our lives.

Fall is the time to practice getting out of the way, of letting go and allowing Spirit to take charge of our lives. It's a time to fall out of old habits and bring in new healthier ones.

At this time of year, the day and night are equal. It is a point of balance between dark and light. As we make the shift from longer days to longer nights, let's take time to reflect upon what part of our own lives might be out of balance. What areas of our life that we were taking for granted, so we don't end up needing a wake up call. It's a great reminder to cultivate balance within your spirit, mind and body.

What is it that you need in this season? What things are no longer serving you? Are you listening and paying attention? What are those items for you? Maybe it's a story you've been telling yourself, maybe it's a habit, maybe it's someone in your life. I invite you to spend some time in reflection contemplating what's working in your life and what isn't. What might need shedding in order to make room for something that better serves you?

I invite you to slow down a little bit, to appreciate moments out in nature before the cold sets in, and to spend time being still in reflection while you watch the seasons change. Take time to sit back and reflect on the fruits of your own labor. Where were you a year ago today? How far have come over the course of the past year or even since the spring? Now is a good time to see how far you’ve come and to set goals to carry you through the winter months. The intentions you set this fall will stay with you throughout the winter and carry you into the spring.

Traditionally, the autumn equinox is also a time of harvest and for expressing gratitude for its abundance. As you reflect, take time to express gratitude for the fruits of your own labor. For your own accomplishments and growth. Give yourself a pat on the back for all of your strides forward, no matter the size, big and small. Celebrate the abundance.

As you are reflecting and setting your intentions, remind yourself that you are enough. As a matter of fact, you are amazing! Just the way you are right at this very moment in time. You are doing exactly what you are meant to do. Sure, we can all grow and improve and stretch and learn and do more, but this is not the woulda, coulda, shoulda game. You are enough right here and right now. You are perfectly imperfect!

Fall into whatever it is that your soul, your mind, and your body needs in this season. Maybe fall into a new habit, fall into a new story, fall into a new way of thinking, fall into mindfulness, fall into peace, fall into love, fall into joy, fall into forgiveness, fall into gratitude, fall into self-care. Whatever it is that you need, listen to it and fall into it this season. Let go of what you don't need and allow Spirit to take it over.

Bring Fear Along On The Journey

9/14/2021

What is your mindset around fear? Do you let it take control? Do you try to overcome it? Do you attempt to deny it? Do you become paralyzed by it?

Denying and attempting to suppress an emotion takes energy and, ultimately, doesn’t work. Trying to overcome it and, in essence, pretend as though it doesn’t exist is also not realistic.

What if we shifted our mindset surrounding fear to one of allowing it to exist without having control over us? What would that look like?

Elizabeth Gilbert in her book, Big Magic, speaks about fear in this way. Whenever she’s travelling somewhere to speak, fear arises. Rather than letting fear take control, she chooses to have a conversation with her fear. She invites it to come along with her … knowing that it’s going to come along anyway. She tells it that, although she’s inviting it to come, it is required to be silent and not make any decisions. She tells her fear, “I am in charge and will be taking control of making all decisions.”

She isn’t trying to overcome her fear or deny the fact that it exists, but rather allows it to be part of her journey … albeit only as a silent passenger. She acknowledges its presence, sets a boundary and brings it along.

This is an empowering mindset. It’s accepting that fear is part of life and we can choose to acknowledge its presence without giving it power over us. This is analogous to being the captain of your boat and not relinquishing your authority by allowing fear to redirect the voyage.

Try inviting fear to come aboard, accepting its existence, but realizing you have the choice whether you allow it to take control or just be a passenger on the ride.

Life Can Get Tricky

9/7/2021

Life can get tricky, it can be messy and seem to make no sense at all. It doesn't always smell like roses and look like rainbow unicorns. I feel like now is a time where life feels tricky and messy. It's a challenge to make sense of things that are going on in the world. During these times you may feel like throwing in the towel, thinking I'm done for now, I give up for now, I have no idea what I am doing or what's going on. Moments like this can be opportunities if we have the courage to dig in and not look away.

This week marks the 20th anniversary of the September 11th attacks. September 11th is a tricky day for me as I'm sure it is for many. A day where I very much remember the horrific tragedy that we collectively experienced. It's also a day that served as a wake up call for me to stop running on the hamster wheel of life and to more authentically live.

It was the day that I decided to be brave and have the courage to step into my own unique magic. Especially on this day, I remember and honor those that have fallen, as well as my decision to learn from that experience and to live with more passion, more authenticity, more vulnerability, more fullness, to live whole-hearted.

It's a reminder for me to reconfirm the choice to shine brighter, to sprinkle some magic, to throw a little glitter at the mess, to recognize that life can be tricky and messy, but it can also be beautiful and magical.

It's a reminder to be brave and courageous and not shy away from the hard stuff, but to face it, offer it some compassion and do the hard work of discovery and healing. It's up to us to find our way through it, to not get stuck in the muck, to use our tools.

The Chopra Center once posted this on Facebook..."Every person has their own magic, bringing something into this world that no one else can. Trust that you are exactly who and where you are supposed to be and life is unfolding as it should. When things get tricky, turn to meditation. It's the best way to reconnect with your magic and align with the power of the universe." Meditation, gratitude and faith are important tools... especially when life gets tricky.

Our faith can be tested when we experience hardships, illness, disappointment and loss. It's at these difficult times that we can either rely on our faith or turn from it. By holding onto our faith, its possible to see hard times as part of the journey and not as a punishment. It's a belief that there's more to life than what's in this physical world.

The door is opened for the best things to occur when you let go of your fears and hesitations and move forward with faith. I believe that everything is more powerful when it starts with faith and trust. Faith and trust in yourself, in your intuition and in a greater plan.

Faith is about trusting the journey, believing that there's a plan, within this plan there are lessons and choices. Faith is about being in a place of yes. Trusting your intuition and sense of knowing to keep you in the flow of life, not resisting against it. Letting go, surrendering control and fear, and living in a place of trust.

Life can be tricky, but stay in your magic. Stay in the flow and allow your faith, heart and intuition to guide you. And always sprinkle a little magic and pixie dust along the way.

All My Babies Have Left The Nest

8/31/2021

Yesterday was a milestone day as we moved our third and last off to college. Wow, those 18 years flew by so fast!

As I sit here and write, the house is quiet. It's strange, the beginning of a new chapter in this thing called life. Like most transitions it feels unfamiliar and I'm filled with a mix of emotions. Some of the emotions would be considered positive and some might be considered negative, but all of them are okay ... not bad or something to avoid or distract myself from.

If you're going through a life transition or a challenging time right now here are a few tips for looking at your emotions as a source of data, so you can move through them without getting stuck in them.

Emotions contain information about your personal values and needs. Consider asking yourself ... What is it that I need and value? Use this information to help create perspective, cope and determine a wise action plan or response.

It can also helpful to identify your typical action tendency associated with the challenging emotion. Emotions are associated with urges to act and typically we fall into patterns. For instance, anger might cause the urge (action tendency) to attack, fear might cause the urge to avoid or escape, sadness might cause the urge to overeat or to not eat at all, etc. The more we are aware of our emotions and their action tendency, the easier it is to help ourselves pick actions that serve us better.

When we are aware of the action tendency associated with an emotion and look at the emotion as a source of information about our needs and values, we can make choices that will allow us to accept and move through the emotion with greater ease.

This new season of life will take some getting use to as do all transitions. I'm going to be looking to my emotions for information and making intentional choices as I enter this next chapter.

What Did I Do Spiritually Today?

8/24/2021

During busy or challenging times in life, we can fall prey to running on the hamster wheel of life and toss aside practices that can support us through the challenges. Practices that keep us propped up, energized and full to move through them with more grace and ease.

It's easy to make concessions in our schedule and stop exercising, getting enough rest, eating well, and it's easy to stop meditating, praying, being in a place of gratitude, letting go, asking for guidance, paying attention to our intuition, offering ourselves compassion.

We may fall prey to trying to control life and prioritize the busyness over our practices that can help to sustain us. When this happens it's easy for life to feel overwhelming and like it's spiraling out of control, so we try to control it even more.

A daily spiritual practice, especially during the messy challenging times is important. It doesn't have to be time-consuming or even the same each day, but practicing is key. It works best for me if I don't over-complicate it and allow my practice to be flexible.

I believe that a few minutes of daily spiritual practice will reap rewards ten-fold. It will buy you back the time you spent, it will keep you grounded and centered, it will help you be in the flow, it will keep you energized. When you are consistent with your spiritual practice you will be more productive and creative and life will unfold with a lot more ease.

Find the practices that resonate most with you. For me daily prayer, affirmations, meditation, gratitude, Reiki, stretching and exercise are my go to practices. I add in others on days where I have more time, but those are my consistent practices.

If you currently don't have a daily spiritual practice, I invite you to start one today. Give it a try for the next month and see how life shifts and changes for you.

Perfectionism vs High Achievement

8/16/2021

A common roadblock that keeps people from reaching their potential is the need to be perfect. Not only is this unrealistic, but perfectionism is very different from high achievement. You might be surprised to learn that perfectionists actually tend to be low achievers and have difficulty accomplishing their goals.

Striving for perfection can rob you of your peace of mind, enjoyment of life, and self-esteem. Its focus is less forgiving. Perfectionists beat themselves up for anything that appears to be lacking and this cheats them of satisfaction and pride of accomplishment.

One of the most significant problems that perfectionists face is the fear that if they stop shooting for perfection, they will become low achievers and they won’t accomplish their goals. Perfectionists actually achieve less than those with healthier mindsets. Their focus on perfection robs them of time and motivation and leads to procrastination and other self-sabotaging behaviors.

The biggest difference between perfectionism and high achievement is where your focus lies. If you strive for high achievement, you can be happy about your accomplishments, pat yourself on the back, and learn from your mistakes.

Awareness of perfectionistic tendencies is the first step in removing this roadblock that hinders you from reaching your goals. Below are some additional steps in working toward shedding perfectionism and maintaining a healthier attitude:

Make a list of all the ways perfectionism is hurting you (and those around you).
Become aware of your patterns. Consider recording your perfectionistic thoughts. This will help you become more aware of future perfectionistic thoughts as they pop up.
Soften your tendency to notice the bad by making a conscious effort to notice all that is good with your work and the achievement of others.
Alter your self-talk. Perfectionists tend to have a critical voice in their head telling them their work isn’t good enough. Work on changing this little voice to speak positively.
Take baby steps. Perfectionists tend to set goals of unreasonable excellence with no learning curve. Set small goals and reward yourself when you achieve them.
Enjoy the process. Focus more on the process of reaching toward a goal rather than just focusing on the goal itself.

Shedding the burden of having to be perfect allows for the potential of high achievement and greatly reduces stress.