Braving the Hot Mess

The God In Me Is Loving The God In You

6/28/2022

What is your typical response when you become frustrated, angered or upset? Maybe you are having a disagreement with your spouse or coworker, or you are 'having one of those days' with your kids, or your family member is pushing one of your buttons. It can be easy to engage in the hot mess. Even if we don't engage it can be a challenge to let things go without stewing and fretting about it in an unproductive way. I've learned several amazing tools that have helped me to center myself and regulate my emotions in situations like these with a lot more grace. I want to share one of them with you today.

This is a tool that I learned in a spirituality class. It's simple, easy and works fast to help me remain centered and intentional. Whenever you are confronted with a situation that is challenging and runs the risk of getting the better of you, repeat to yourself out loud or silently, "The God in me is loving the God in ____" and insert the name of the person(s) impacted. Repeat this over and over for a few minutes until you feel the shift happening inside of you. Even if you have to grit your teeth and choke it out at first, do it anyway. You will be surprised how after saying it a few times, your own thoughts and energy will begin to shift.

Now the super cool thing about this is that it not only begins to shift you, it also can have the impact of shifting the other person, and they are not even consciously aware that you are doing it. You may notice that they calm down and that their energy becomes more stable. Remember how thoughts become things and impact our environment and what comes back at us? Well, this is another powerful example of how this can work.

This tool can also be used if you are in need of shifting the energy in the room to a more positive one. If you are in a meeting and the energy is turning negative, or your family is having an off day. You may not notice the shift happen, but rest assured you are having an energetic impact on some level.

I love how Pamla Ashlay-McPherson describes this tool. "People address each other from the part of themselves that has been programmed by this earth life; they forget they are spirit first encased in a body and when we address each other from our spirit to their spirit we speak greater truths. So next time someone is yelling or upset; be still, and in your head repeat over and over, 'The God in me is loving the God in you' and they will stop; as it will bring them to a greater truth without realizing it."

So, next time you are in a challenging situation that threatens your ability to stay in a calm and loving place use this tool, repeat ... The God in me is loving the God in you ... and feel and watch what happens.

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." The quote is by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a French philosopher and Jesuit priest.

Before You Speak, Let Your Words Pass Through Three Gates

6/20/2022

We've all heard the phrase, "Think before you speak" right? I've heard it and I've worked on practicing it, but boy sometimes it's easy to quickly respond and say something, or to remain in old patterns. Sometimes I speak and then wish I hadn't. I wish I would have made a better choice, wish I could pull the words back into my mouth. Ever had a time (or two) like that?

Our words have power, they are impactful to ourselves and to others. Some words of wisdom that I have found helpful are from the poet Rumi, “Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates. At the first gate, ask yourself, ‘Is it true?’ At the second ask, ‘Is it necessary?’ At the third gate ask, ‘Is it kind?”

You take one gate at a time and move through the process to determine what, if, when and how this communication should take place.

Gate #1: Is it true?
Is what you are about to say true? Is it factual? This not only addresses whether the communication is hearsay, but also whether it's based on perception. Use this gate to determine if this is perception or fact. If it's truth, you can move on to Gate #2.

Gate #2: Is it necessary?
There is an old yogic wisdom that goes something like, “If your words aren’t benefiting the universe don’t say them.” The idea is don’t allow your ego to do the speaking.

Another way to look at this one is to ask yourself, "Does it add value?" and/or "Does it improve the silence?"

This also brings up the concept of being right. Sometimes we feel a strong need to be right at all costs. You may want to ask yourself, "Do you want peace or do you want to be right?"

If it's true and it's necessary, you can move on to Gate #3.

Gate #3: Is it kind?
Is what you are about to say kind and compassionate? Is the timing of it being said kind and compassionate? Are the words and the phrasing that you are choosing kind and loving or frustrated and harsh?

You are the gatekeeper of your words. Sometimes we need to take a moment to stop and to think before we speak. It helps me to stop and take a deep belly breath in and then push it all out a couple of times. This helps me to interrupt my normal pattern, my normal response, my normal mode of operation and consider a different approach...which may include silence :)

Your Beliefs Impact Your Genes

6/14/2022

I love learning about impactful research being done in many different scientific areas. One area of research I've enjoyed learning about is called epigenetics. New research in the area of epigenetics is demonstrating that our genes don't control us, that we control our genes.

What scientists are finding is that our beliefs can change our biology. Certain combinations of genes can be turned on or off depending greatly on our frame of mind ... what your mind perceives and believes. Our environment, including our thoughts, our feelings, and our belief systems influences genetic activity.

One of the scientists pioneering this area of research is Dr. Bruce Lipton. He explains, "You have the gene, but depending on how you live, how you respond, what your belief systems are, the expression of gene could be modified. Genes don't control anything, that they are just blueprints. Whereas 'epigenetic control' ... control above the genes ... turns everything on its head. The environment influences the selection and reading of genes. A person's health isn't generally a reflection of genes, but how their environment is influencing them."

He says that, "Between one-third and two-thirds of all healing is down to the placebo effect, not therapies, drugs or surgery. The placebo is just a sugar-pill – the patient is healed by the belief they'll get better: positive thinking. The nocebo effect is equally powerful, caused by negative thoughts. The belief you have a terminal illness can actually cause you to die, and negative thinking is much more common. Not just from yourself, but also the thoughts of people who are around you."

It's awesome when science is able to bring forth evidence that demonstrates the power of our minds, our thoughts, words, feelings, beliefs and actions. It supports and reinforces practices that I have personally experienced the benefits of putting into action.

Being mindful, living in the present, choosing intentional practices for positivity and, maybe most importantly, undoing the subconscious programming that we've been cultured to believe.

Fill Yourself And Others With Love

6/6/2022

A simple and yet powerful tool to help build not only self-love, but also love for others is called Metta meditation or loving kindness meditation. Sending loving energy to yourself and to others can boost well-being and reduce stress. A regular practice of a loving kindness meditation also increases our capacity for forgiveness, connection to others and self-acceptance.

The loving kindness meditation is a simple repetition of a set of phrases. There are a handful of phrases that are commonly used, you can modify the phrases to ones that resonate with you. During the meditation, you generate loving and kind intentions toward yourself and others.

Here are the phrases that I use:

May I be healthy
May I be happy
May I be filled with love and ease

First directing the phrases toward yourself, then toward someone you are thankful or have unconditional love for, then toward someone you feel neutral about, then toward someone who is frustrating you, and then to the Universe as a whole and to all beings. Repeating each as many times as you would like.

During the meditation bask in feelings of warmth and self-compassion. If your attention drifts, gently redirect it back to these feelings of loving kindness.

This meditation is something that I practice while sitting in meditation, but also as I am taking a walk, or doing some other type of routine task.

A loving kindness meditation cultivates our natural capacity for an open and loving heart, something that we can all benefit from now and always. Use this practice as an anchor to feeling grounded, content and loving towards yourself and toward others.

Give Yourself Some Slack

5/31/2022

In our American culture, we are taught to go, go, go. We are trained to strive and chase and run around on the hamster wheel of life. We are not conditioned to be still, to give ourselves some slack, to rest, to reflect, to ponder, to dream. It's in the dreams and the "what ifs" that I find my continued motivation. Once I stopped listening to others, to society, to fear, and put faith in listening to my heart instead life became easier.

What I have found is that as I exercise self-compassion and forgiveness and "give myself some slack" it actually frees me to be more and do more. I've found that as I'm not so tightly gripped by fear ... fear of failure, fear of being judged, fear of not being enough ... as I release myself from beating myself up I have more energy to be brave and courageous and move forward to meet my potential. It takes energy to live in the space of fear, telling ourselves stories that we play over and over again in our minds.

As I work toward surrender and faith, I have also found that I don't need to push myself so hard. Things flow better. I pay attention to what is put before me, have faith that it's meant for me, be brave and take small steps forward with the knowingness that I will be supported and that the next step will present itself to me. Pay attention to the assignments and then show up for them with faith.

Don't be afraid to take risks, to fail, to experience, but also to rest and relax and offer yourself compassion because your worth is not on the line every day. You can't do anything that will take God's love away and you can't do anything to earn more, it is just there unconditionally always. We are all perfectly and beautifully imperfect.

You have freedom to not have to prove your worthiness. Freedom to not be perfect. Freedom to experience life and make mistakes. Freedom to give yourself some slack. Freedom to refill your cup when needed before moving on. Freedom to offer yourself compassion and forgiveness.

Our Limiting Beliefs Create Roadblocks

5/24/2022

One of the biggest roadblocks is our limiting beliefs. Beliefs are thought patterns that we learned as a child and repeat throughout our lives until we believe them to be true. Some of these beliefs work well for us, but others are limiting and keep us from reaching our full potential.

These roadblocks impact all areas of our lives. They can keep us from achieving success within our personal growth and development, relationships, health & wellness, sense of happiness and joy, spiritual growth and connection, business or career, finances, as well as our capacity to serve others.

These limiting beliefs could be about ourselves, others, or about the world. They pull us down instead of lift us up; throw up roadblocks instead of allow us to move forward; disempower instead of empower and make us feel less than instead of more than enough.

They are the voices and thoughts in our head that convince us that we can’t be, do or have something. They keep us from thriving, being the best version of ourselves, accomplishing our goals and whatever we desire from life. Struggle and angst in life are typically an indication that limiting beliefs are at work.

Awareness creates opportunity for change. Letting go of limiting beliefs that don’t serve you and adopting enlightened beliefs will empower you to make your mission, goals, hopes and dreams a reality.

Consider how much better your life would be if you stopped believing in something that is not supported by evidence. Most success and happiness exists just on the other side of a negative, limiting belief. The lies floating around in your head have been limiting you throughout your life. The power and positive effects of knowing and believing the truth can set you free. Reversing limiting beliefs is not only possible, it is powerful.

My sister, Kathy, and I have created a program called Mission Possible. This program systematically challenges these roadblocks and steps you through the process of cultivating new more empowered belief systems that will help you achieve the life you desire. Our Mission Possible program will lead you through crafting your own unique Mission, identifying your Great Devotion Pillars, pinpointing your Limiting Beliefs associated with each of those pillars, and give you strategies for Cultivating Empowering Beliefs.

Our hope is that this program will strip away the hurdles that keep you from living the life of your dreams and guide you to thrive and gain success in all areas of your life. Reach out to me if you would like to learn more.

Don't Let Yourself Get To The 'But'

5/17/2022

Do you have dreams and passions that you are ignoring? Maybe you're convincing yourself that you can't possibly do it. Does that little voice in your head give you all kinds of "buts", all kinds of reasons for why you can't possibly do what you are dreaming of doing? Things like:

-but, I'm too old.
-but, I'm too young.
-but, I don't know enough.
-but, It's already been done.
-but, I don't know the right people.
-but, there are people who do it better than me.
-but, no one will listen to me.

Most times, it doesn't even take an outside critic to dissuade us from accomplishing our dreams, usually we take care of it ourselves with the critic inside our head. Our own fears, self-doubt and negative self-talk keep us paralyzed from living out our dreams. Flipping the switch and stopping ourselves from engaging in unproductive self-talk is important. Flip the switch to an affirmation like, "I am enough", "I am courageous", "I am brave", "I am strong", "I am confident", etc. will help to curb your fears.

Our belief system is also super important to whether or not we choose to go after our dreams, it either helps us to believe that our dream is possible, or it helps us to believe that it's impossible. Our belief system is mostly derived from what we have experienced to be true based on the examples in our own life. If you've seen, heard, or read examples of people who have done something the same, or similar to what you are hoping to accomplish, then you will typically believe that it's possible for you to accomplish it as well. This is a huge hurdle in overcoming our fears and self-doubt.

So what can we do to help ourselves believe it to be possible? One key step is to surround yourself with as many examples as possible of others who have accomplished something similar. Read books, watch videos, talk to people, interview people, find out as much as you can about how they did what they did.

Next, write down your dream, or your goal and the next small step to making it happen. Don't get overwhelmed, just write down what the next small step would be in the direction of achieving the goal. There is so much power in writing it down and breaking it down into manageable steps. Small baby steps that will move you in the direction of achieving the dream. We more easily convince ourselves to take small baby steps. Once you obtain some movement, you get off square one, it'll be a little easier to keep taking the next small step and the next small step.

Don't wait until you've achieved what you think is the perfect amount of knowledge, or skill, or experience to begin going after your dream, if you do chances are that you'll never feel good enough or "perfect "enough. Experts did not start out being experts, they started out as beginners, as apprentices and they became experts. What if we just get started and learn more as we go, become experts along the way? What if we just started where we are and go from there? At a certain point, let good enough be your rule.

Steve Harvey said in an interview, "Surround yourself with dreamers. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Stop telling your dreams to small-minded people." Keep around you people who love and support you and your dreams. People who challenge you to be all that you can be and more. People who will encourage you even when you may fail. People who are also dreamers and who are aspiring to lead an extraordinary life. Live BIG, live interesting, live extraordinary, create magic. Why not? The world needs ordinary people leading extraordinary lives

Imagination Is Everything

5/9/2022

Albert Einstein is quoted as saying, "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." What an awesome quote, because you are always creating in your life, either intentionally or unintentionally. Where your attention goes, energy flows. What you give attention to you are bringing to life, so why not use your imagination and its creative power to bring your dreams to life?

Steve Harvey often says, "Everything God wants you to have he puts it in your imagination." This is another cool way to view how our imagination can open us up to the possibilities that are available to us in our life. We can use our imagination to tap into our dreams and create a vision for our life.

One easy way to begin to ignite and tap into your imagination is through practicing wonder. Sonia Choquette states in her book, Trust Your Vibes At Work, and Let Them Work for You, "The minute you turn your awareness over to that wonder, your mind steps aside and your intuition becomes activated. Wondering invites invention, adventure, and exploration of things to come. It shifts you out of defense and self-preservation and into creativity and collaboration with your higher self. Often we are too busy trying to figure things out to allow ourselves the opportunity to wonder. Yet wondering taps into our right brain (the creative side) and explores new possibilities and unknown variables, while figuring things out taps into our left brain (the logical side) and draws from past experiences and known variables. Solutions arise from within, but we rarely think to look there, being conditioned to seek outwardly from others instead."

Wonder on paper, wonder out loud, wonder with a trusted friend, have fun and wonder. The creative, intuitive mind is a playful mind, so stretch your imagination muscles like you did when you were a child.

An exercise I love that helps me to tap into my imagination is to play the "imagine if" or "what if" game. When playing the "imagine if" and "what if" game there are no limitations, no rules, no restrictions, no logic. You get to freely create using your imagination what you would like life to look like. You can play this game on your own through visualizing, journaling, drawing or speaking it out loud. It's a great game to play while driving.

My favorite way to play the "what if" game is with a trusted friend or family member. The synergy that is created by the amplified energy of two or more people engaging their imaginations can bring forth the really juicy stuff!

Use your imagination to tap into your dreams. Create the vision and then talk about the vision more than you talk about what you don't want in life. Give it energy, pay it attention. Remember ... where your attention goes, energy flows. What you give attention to you are bringing to life. Talk about the possibility, even if you don't know how to get there. Talk to the vision and then after a while you will be talking from it.

Most Of Today's Problems Were Yesterday's Dreams

5/2/2022

Most of today's problems were yesterday's dreams ... I'm not sure anymore where I heard that phrase, but it stuck with me. If you think about it, a lot of what we might complain about as being problematic, annoying, or frustrating are things that we once wished for and dreamed of having in our lives.

Here are some examples:

I dream of having a job where I feel needed and can earn a living.
I dream of being married.
I dream of having a house.
I dream of having children and a family.
I dream of having a car.
I dream of making a difference in the world.

Fast-forward a few years and you now have a job where you are needed, a home, a spouse, kids, a car, whatever those dreams were for you. What can easily happen is our daily complaining centers around caring for the things that we once dreamt of having in our lives :) Yep, I'm guilty of this too.

It can be easy to whine and complain about transporting kids to activities, doing yard work, the mounds of laundry and the pile of dishes, taking the car in for an oil change, going to work, volunteering, etc. The very things that we once upon a time dreamt of having in our life.

It's not that the reality isn't sometimes overwhelming, but what I've personally found is that the "reality" is really that problematic. Sure there are real struggles, challenges and suffering in life and I'm not trying to diminish or sweep them under the rug. However, it can be pretty easy to become fixated on the grind of life versus celebrating the beauty and richness of life and all that we have within it. This is where a gratitude practice is really helpful. It gives us perspective. It keeps our brains in check.

Instead of focusing on our complaints, we can be grateful for having a reliable vehicle that takes us where we need to go, having a washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, and running water to make our daily tasks so very much easier. Cherishing the loved ones in our lives and that we have things to care for and love and support. Celebrating and focusing our brains on the fabulous gifts, the dreams that became reality, and the amazing modern technology that helps us get things done with ease.

Remembering that most of today's problems were yesterday's dreams helps me keep perspective and appreciative. Creating a pause where I can remember … lucky me I wished for that, I dreamt of it, I worked hard for it, I am so grateful to have a life full of yesterday's dreams!

Top Five Regrets Of The Dying

4/26/2022

Bronnie Ware is a nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes, "People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal."

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so much.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

Ware concludes, "When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."

Do any of these resonate with you? What are your regrets? Each moment brings a new opportunity to choose again, with it we can intentionally move toward alignment with our truth and elimination of regret.

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