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Shift Your Done Point

7/31/2017

 
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Have you ever had a fun event on the calendar that you were looking forward to? Maybe it's something big like a vacation, or maybe it's going out on a boat, going fishing or having friends over. Sometimes preparing for it can be full of tasks, but usually the anticipation of the event propels us forward and we excitedly plan and prepare.

Then the actual event happens and typically when it's over there are additional tasks that need to be completed. The trip home and the unpacking, the cleaning up of equipment, the washing of dishes, etc. I don't know about you, but these "post event" tasks are the pits! It can be easy to let them shift my joy of the event itself. Sometimes I even convince myself of not doing that fun item because the task of putting things back together discourages my interest. Ever felt like that? I would sabotage my happiness of the event, even dread it coming to an end because of this habit.

Little mental shifts can make a huge difference in our experience. Little tricks and strategies that shift our focus, our expectation and minds can lead us to a whole different way to enjoy and appreciate an event. A little strategy that I recently have been experimenting with is called shifting your done point. It goes like this...instead of the fun event ending when the actual event itself is over, shifting your done point until after the "clean up tasks" are completed. Staying in a contended, happy, blissful place of enjoying the whole experience rather than just a segment of the experience.

Now I know this may sound a little silly or simplistic, but something like shifting our mental done point for the "fun event" can actually change the experience. It tosses these burdensome feeling tasks into the same category as the planning and preparation tasks that we don't typically mind as much because we anticipate the event. Shifting the done point and continuing to celebrate the goodness, the fun, the joy. Next time consider setting your done point out further until the clean up tasks are done.

​Here's the clincher for me...practice gratitude and appreciation for the fun event and all of the things that went into it while completing the clean up tasks. This helps me to savor, replay and enjoy the event over again in my mind while performing the not so fun tasks of putting things back together again. Now you've not only accomplished the clean up tasks, but you've also shifted this good experience from your short-term memory into your long-term memory by savoring it and helped re-wire your brain for happiness.

This small intentional practice can cause a big mind shift allowing for more happy and joyful moments. Give it a try, I would love to hear what you think!

You Are Greater Than Your Feelings

7/25/2017

 
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Last week's post discussed taking 100% responsibility for our experiences. I want to explore that concept a little bit more in this week's post. 
 
Thoughts create feelings. Feelings create our behavior, response and experience. Behavior reinforces thoughts. The illustration above gives an example of how a scenario can play out from thought to feeling to action to result/experience. Another useful example is this one. 

Negative thought...I don't have any friends
Negative emotion/feeling...Experiencing sadness or depression
Negative behavior...Acting gloomy and having no fun
Negative response/result/experience...Being avoided by others


As writer Debbie Hampton explains, "Your emotions and feelings play a powerful role in how you experience and interact with the world because they are the driving force behind many behaviors, helpful and unhelpful. It’s possible to react to emotions and the feelings they evoke which are guided by unconscious fear-based perceptions which you may not buy into anymore, yet you’re living your life, making decisions and behaving according to these out-dated tendencies. Living unaware like this almost always leads to problems and unhappiness in the long run."

Being aware of this cycle allows us to be able to respond instead of simply react to a situation. This allow us to remain in a state of peace, of balance and of integrity. By choosing your
 feelings and behaviors according to who you want to be and how you want to live your life versus reacting to them and then not being in alignment. In the gap between our thoughts, our feelings and our actions we have powerful opportunity to design the direction, the course, the path that our life will take for the better or for the worse. 

Finding the underlying thought pattern is critical to being able to resolve problematic reactions. 
By shining a light on the cycle of our thoughts, feelings and behavior we can take a moment to pause before responding.

The following is an excerpt from an article written by Peter  Shepard, a spiritual teacher and psychotherapist. It explains and gives a nice example of the thought, feeling, action, result cycle. 

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You are not responsible for everything that happens to you (although often you may contribute to it.) But you are responsible for how you react to these events, how you experience them and move on from there. Your reaction has three facets: 
  • A mental reaction, how you interpret the situation, which is often a replay of old stuff you've attached to as part of your identity.
  • An emotional reaction that results from your interpretation, so you feel happy, angry, sad, or frustrated. 
  • And a behavioral reaction: based on your feelings you act in a certain way, such as jumping for joy, getting away as soon as possible, or punching the other guy's nose.
It might seem that the circumstances caused your emotional reaction, or even that it caused your behavior. So, if your girlfriend criticizes your manners, you might get angry and leave the restaurant. Later, you may feel that your girlfriend made you angry or that you had to leave the restaurant because of her. But really it was your belief that no one has a right to question your rightness, such as the way you eat with your mouth open. "That's rude and intolerable."

So you created your own reaction with what you told yourself. It may have been instant and below the level of your consciousness but there was your voice inside telling you these things. Actually, though, you did have other choices. You could have actually listened and understood her viewpoint - you would then still have a girlfriend and have learned something useful. And your girlfriend would have renewed respect and love for you.

Your inner voice can talk you into a lot of trouble or it can create a positive outlook that changes your life experience. The secret is to stay in the moment, to stay conscious, and spot your voice when it is replaying old tapes and talking nonsense, when it is being intolerant, exaggerating or over-reacting.

You are made of love; when your thoughts are judgmental and resisting what is, then you can recognize that is not the real you. So my advice is: if it's not love, STOP, gather yourself in the moment and reconsider.


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A Journey

7/10/2017

 
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I'm guessing that you've heard the saying, "Life is a journey, not a destination"? It's pretty easy to see the meaning of this phrase, as well as our reflection in it.

​I have another idea about this journey we call life that I would like to explore. It goes like this, "My journey is just that, my journey. Your journey is just that too, your journey." Sometimes it's easy for us to make the assumption that we know what is "right" or "wrong" for someone else's journey. The truth is that unless I've had the exact same life experiences, and have the exact same personality, and have the exact same hopes and dreams, and the exact same everything, I can't possibly know what your journey is exactly and therefore have no real ability to judge what is "right" or "wrong" for it. 

It's interesting how we can feel like we are an expert when it comes to someone else's life, but then not be an expert at handling our own problems. I have fallen into this mindset on occasion, offering up my commentary, advice and opinion on how someone else should lead their life. Even to the point of feeling good about my life and my choices in comparison to the other. This mindset is scary and can lead to a dreary place of judgment which is easy for us to feed off of if we are not careful.

​A philosophy that I am working to live by is not to judge someone else's choice or reasoning and not to offer up unsolicited advice. Typically, our judgment of others is a reflection of our own self-judgment. Our own self-judgment is so normal to us that we often don't even recognize it. Ponder that one for a moment. It can be a tough one to recognize and acknowledge.

Another trap I sometimes catch myself in is that as I seek change for myself, it can be easy for me to to seek or expect that same change for others. Making a determination for how others should behave or what is acceptable for them. Have you ever noticed yourself doing this too?

Life is truly a journey filled with joy and celebrations, but also with lessons, hardships and heartache. The roadway will not always be straight and smooth, but rather it may be windy, bumpy and full of challenges. Some of these challenges will test us...our courage, our resilience, and our faith. Sometimes these challenges are really blessings in disguise, they make us stronger and teach us valuable lessons. 

If our path is "perfect" or always the "right" one and we never experience "failing", never detour, then our opportunity for growth and learning life lessons is also diminished. 

Wouldn't it be better if we all respected each other's journey and put our focus and energy on our own journey through life? Realizing that our journey is solely ours and nobody else's and vice versa. Embracing our own personal journey and letting go of the need to judge someone else's. Using our mental energy and our time to propel ourselves forward instead of diverting our focus by judging others or playing the comparison game.
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Blogger Maria Moraca offers up some strategies that I've found useful to help transform judgments:

1. Use a pattern interrupt - When you catch yourself having a defining thought about someone, step back and ask, “What do I really know about this person?” Often, the answer is a version of “not very much.” This behavior acts as a pattern interrupt, and forces you to stop and consider where the judgment is coming from.

2. Switch to praise - When you hear yourself criticizing someone, stop and take a moment to come up with one thing you like about that person. Then praise them, out loud, for that quality. This is another version of a pattern interrupt, and is also a reminder that they too are human, and like us all, have both attractive and not-so-attractive qualities. 
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3. Look within - When you find yourself in one of those incessant loop thought patterns of judgment about someone else’s behaviors, ask the hard question: Do I myself exhibit this same behavior or attitude that I judge in this person? Almost always, the answer is yes (not that one always comes to that yes easily). You probably already know that the stuff that irritates us the most about others tends to be attributes we don’t necessarily realize we ourselves have.

​I invite you to embrace your own journey more fully and to release judgment about the journey of others.
 It's a practice and it takes effort to get better at it. Your life experience and journey is solely for you and their life experience and journey is solely for them.
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