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Cultivating Compassion

7/31/2018

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In last week's post I offered tips for cultivating self-compassion. In the book, The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama states, "In developing compassion, perhaps one could begin with the wish that oneself be free from suffering, and then take that natural feeling towards oneself and cultivate it, enhance it, and extend it out to include and embrace others."

Extending yourself through compassion toward someone in need is one of the quickest ways to feeling joy, fulfillment and happiness. When we ignore suffering, or we become so consumed with our own busy schedule that we miss the opportunity to practice compassion, we are missing opportunities to connect and foster relationships, to feel good about our selves and to feel happiness.

In addition to cultivating self-compassion, here are two additional ways to cultivate compassion:


Mindfulness
You can’t offer compassion if you don’t see the suffering around you. A lot of us are waling through life in what's being called an "urban trance". We are entrenched in the busyness of our lives, running on the hamster wheel of life and not paying attention to our own needs or the needs of those around us.

Mindfulness allows you to see what’s happening within and around you.
 Mindfulness is the awareness that arises through paying attention on purpose in the present moment, non-judgmentally. Putting down the phone, shutting down the laptop, taking a few deep breaths, and observing your own body and mind. Do you feel tightness anywhere, is your mind replaying something you did “wrong,” or are you worrying about something you can’t control? Notice, label any feelings and breathe.

Then take a look around and notice what’s happening around you. What do you see? What do you hear and smell? Stopping and observing what's going on around you and within you is the first step toward cultivating more compassion. 


An easy and awesome way to practice compassion for yourself and others is through a compassion meditation (usually called a loving-kindness or metta). I've included below a simple loving kindness meditation sample for you to try. I love to do this particular meditation while I am walking my dog. It's simple to do and makes me feel great!

Compassion for Humanity
You may find it easy to be compassionate toward family, friends, and others like you, but it can be more difficult to have compassion for people you don’t know of for individuals who you don’t particularly like or identify with. This is where it's becomes important to practice recognizing our common humanity.

There is basic commonality between all humans. Consider that everyone wants to be happy. Everyone has a mind, a body, and a heartbeat. Everyone has dreams. Everyone has fears. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to be healthy and happy. It helps to remember that we are all one. Whatever effects you and impacts you in turn impacts me. 

As the Dalai Lama states, "Once you encourage the thought of compassion in your mind, once that thought becomes active, then your attitude towards others changes automatically. If you approach others with the thought of compassion, that will automatically reduce fear and allow an openness with other people."


This takes some practice, but it can change the way you interact with the world. It will make you feel more connected to the world. Practicing a loving kindness mediation also helps to cultivate compassion for all of humanity. 

I love what the Dalai Lama says about compassion in the book, The Art of Happiness, he says, "Within all beings there is the seed of perfection. However, compassion is required in order to activate that seed which is inherent in our hearts and our minds."


Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation
This meditation is the simple repetition of the following phrases:

May you be healthy and strong. May you be happy. May you be filled with love and ease.

-Directing them first toward someone you feel thankful for,  someone who has helped you, or someone who you feel unconditional love for. 

-Next direct them toward yourself.

​-Next direct them toward someone you feel neutral about. 


-Now direct them toward someone you struggle with, someone you are having a hard time with. 

-Finally, direct them toward everyone in the Universe.
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Imagine what the world would be like if we all practiced more compassion.
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Tips For Cultivating Self-Compassion

7/23/2018

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Last week's post discussed how compassion is healing. Compassion is a key component of happiness and overall wellness, and something that I personally believe is necessary to bring more healing to our world. As the Dalai Lama says, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." This week, I want to share additional information on cultivating compassion.

What is it about compassion that can bring happiness into your life? What if I'm not by nature a very compassionate person, can compassion be cultivated? 

As I mentioned last week, the dictionary defines compassion as a feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering. Compassion is action oriented. It's bringing someone who is in need a meal, it's giving someone a ride, it's listening to someone going through a tough time, it's taking action to relieve someone's suffering in some way shape or form. We all at times practice compassion. 


I consider compassion to be a spiritual practice. Developing and cultivating compassion is an integral part of my spiritual practice. It's been said that of all the world's various religions the one thing they all have in common is the emphasis on the practice of compassion. Compassion is service. Compassion is love. Compassion is kindness. Compassion makes us happier and healthier. 

How compassionate do you consider yourself to be? In addition to practicing compassion for others, do you also practice self-compassion? How do we develop and cultivate compassion?


When I teach about compassion, I share three ways to cultivate compassion. I'll share one of these ways in this post and the remaining other two next week.  The first way to develop and cultivate compassion is to focus on cultivating self-compassion. 
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​In our American culture no one teaches us to tend to our own suffering. We help others, but a lot of the time neglect our own pain and suffering and how to care for ourselves. We beat ourselves up playing the woulda, coulda, shoulda game, engage in negative self-talk and keep plowing forward with our cup empty. So how do we exercise self-compassion?

What would I say to a close friend?
Imagine what you would say to a close friend who was experiencing the same thing you are in life. Typically, we are more compassionate, understanding, loving, kind and caring to a close friend than we are to ourselves. While we comfort a friend, with ourselves we typically engage in negative self-talk. 

Be gentle and loving with yourself. Offer up the same care and words of support to yourself the same way that you would to a friend. 


I am hurting, what can I do to help myself?
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Acknowledge that you are hurting and give consideration to what you can do to help yourself...get extra rest, take a walk or a bubble bath, order out dinner, or accept the help of a loved one. Whatever you can do to relieve your suffering by taking extra special care of your own needs. 

Touch
We often discount the importance of touch in comforting ourselves and relieving our pain and suffering. Give yourself a hug, ask for a hug, gently stroke your arm, or hold your hand the way you would for a loved one. Speaking kind and loving words to yourself while stroking your own arm or giving yourself a hug can be very soothing. Maybe tell yourself that even though this is hard that you will be okay,​ that you are enough, that you will be able to work through the challenge, etc. 

Utilizing these techniques and offering yourself compassion is a key step to being able to extend compassion to others. Care for yourself during times of pain and suffering the way you would care for a loved one. 


There are many benefits to high levels of self-compassion beyond happiness and wellness, it has been linked to less procrastination, less depression and more optimism. Also, people who exercise self-compassion are more likely to take ownership for their own mistakes. 

I invite you to consider cultivating more self-compassion, it's an important key to happiness, wellness and healing. 
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Compassion Is Healing

7/17/2018

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Do you intently practice compassion? Compassion is a topic that I love to continually explore, practice, learn more and share about. It's such an important spiritual practice and a key component to leading a life of well-being and happiness.

I recently began a year-long course on compassion and have also become aware of new research on compassion that I want to share with you.


Compassion is an action word...it's love in action. Compassion is doing something to relieve the suffering of others. The word "passion" means "suffering," and "com" means "with" or "together." Practicing both self-compassion and compassion toward others is important to healing and overall well-being. 

Anthony William, a well-known author and medical medium, explains compassion this way, "Spirit is the living word compassion. The word compassion has a life force. Compassion is the glue to love, it's the bond, the foundation to love. Love is weak without compassion. When compassion isn't there, it's hard for love to be there."​

When we are in pain, when we are suffering, our deepest need is compassion. Compassion is what helps us to heal. Practicing compassion is healing in a very physical and biological way within the body. Acts of compassion activate the "pleasure centers" of the brain and our body secretes oxytocin. This causes our heart rate to slow down, blood pressure is lowered, our immune system is boosted, inflammation is reduced, depression, stress and anxiety are lessened, we are more resilient and we have stronger relationships. 

Dr. David Rakel is a researcher who develops models of compassionate care for physicians and their patients. Dr. Rakel's recent book, The Compassionate Connection: The Healing Power of Empathy and Mindful Listening, explores how medical professionals can integrate compassion, empathy and mindfulness into practice to transform healthcare and improve outcomes for patients. The research data supports that healing is significantly enhanced by compassionate care. Compassion is healing.

​Dr. Rakel states that, "The role of the practitioner...the doctor, nurse, or other medical professional...is to become a therapeutic tool for healing." The "We'll get through this together" mode of operation.


Compassion creates a sense of connectedness. We recognize that we are not alone. I've shared in previous posts how detrimental loneliness is to our overall health and well-being. Compassion strengthens relationships and bonds people together. 

Compassion is like a muscle, it can be strengthened with exercise and practice, or it can deteriorate and atrophy. Your capacity for compassion can expand, if you choose to cultivate it. Compassion benefits both the giver and the receiver. I will be sharing more on the practice of compassion, how to cultivate it for yourself, and for others, in future posts. 
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The Myth Of Failure

7/10/2018

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I love this Wayne Dyer piece on failure and following your passion, the song within your heart. I often remind myself of his words and wanted to share them with you. I hope you enjoy them and find them to be a useful reminder too.

This may come as a surprise to you, but failure is an illusion. No one ever fails at anything. Everything you do produces a result. If you’re trying to learn how to catch a football and someone throws it to you and you drop it, you haven’t failed. You simply produced a result. The real question is what you do with the results that you produce. Do you leave, and moan about being a football failure, or do you say, “Throw it again,” until ultimately you’re catching footballs? Failure is a judgment. It’s just an opinion. It comes from your fears, which can be eliminated by love. Love for yourself. Love for what you do. Love for others. Love for your planet. When you have love within you, fear cannot survive. Think of the message in this ancient wisdom: “Fear knocked at the door. Love answered and no one was there.” 

That music that you hear inside of you urging you to take risks and follow your dreams is your intuitive connection to the purpose in your heart since birth. Be enthusiastic about all that you do. Have that passion with the awareness that the word enthusiasm literally means “the God (enthos) within (iasm).” The passion that you feel is God inside of you beckoning you to take the risk and be your own person. 

I’ve found that perceived risks are not risky at all once you transcend your fears and let love and self-respect in. When you produce a result that others laugh at, you’re also stirred to laughter. When you respect yourself, stumbling allows you to laugh at yourself as an occasional stumbler. When you love and respect yourself, someone’s disapproval is not something you fear and avoid. The poet Rudyard Kipling declared, “If you can meet triumph and disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same . . . yours is the earth and everything that’s in it.” The key word here is impostors. They’re not real. They exist only in the minds of people. 

Follow your right brain, listening to how you feel, and play your own unique brand of music. You won’t have to fear anything or anyone, and you’ll never experience that terror of lying on your deathbed someday, saying, “What if my whole life has been wrong?” Your invisible companion on your right shoulder will prod you each and every time you’re moving away from your purpose. It makes you aware of your music. So listen—and don’t die with that music still in you. 

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What Are We Celebrating?

7/2/2018

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In the United States, tomorrow is a national holiday. It's Independence Day, the day that the Declaration of Independence was adopted and the United States became an independent nation, no longer part of Great Britain. 

What does the Fourth of July, Independence Day, and the Declaration of Independence, mean to you? What does it stand for? What are some of the things that come to mind, the values that come to mind? Does the American dream come to mind? What does it mean to be an American?

As I reflected on and explored the meaning of Independence Day, I have some thoughts for your consideration.

In America, we share the common belief that all people should have the freedom to live the way they want, to believe in whatever religion they choose, to speak, to vote, to own land, to work, no matter your background or status. It's about our individual rights as Americans. These freedoms created the belief in "The American Dream" and people from all over the world have desired to come to the United States to pursue it.


Per Wikipedia, "The American Dream is a national ethos of the United States, the set of ideals (democracy, rights, liberty, opportunity and equality) in which freedom includes the opportunity for prosperity and success, as well as an upward social mobility for the family and children, achieved through hard work in a society with few barriers. The American Dream is rooted in the Declaration of Independence, which proclaims that 'all men are created equal' with the right to 'life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.'"

For most Americans, July 4th is a time to remember and celebrate our country and the people who helped create it and keep it free. A day to celebrate our gratitude for our freedom and independence. It's a day to be patriotic, to sport your red, white and blue. A day of pride. It's a day to recognize the significance of our culture and its history, to reflect on it's meaning and the legacy that has been created and is being created. 

​Freedom empowers us to be the best version of ourselves possible. It affords us the opportunity, and the responsibility, to keep an open mind and an open heart, to be all inclusive, to exercise empathy and compassion, to recognize liberty and justice for all, to love, honor and respect our fellow human-kind.

Freedom means to have a choice. We have a choice each and every moment of every day. A choice as to who we want to be, how we want to live, what we want to be our legacy. With choice comes opportunity and responsibility. Each of our individual choices combine to form the collective of who we are today, what we stand for, what we value, what will be our collective legacy. Legacy is created through choices both big and small. We as Americans have the freedom to decide...what does it mean to be an American? 

Freedom means we have a say and a vote. The right to free speech, the right to express your thoughts and opinions. The right to speak and to listen with empathy and compassion, with love and with kindness. The right to discuss with your fellow Americans ideas and beliefs and opinions, problems and solutions. The right to exercise your belief through your vote. 
This right offers us opportunity and responsibility.
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I invite all of us to reflect on what Independence Day means to each of us as we celebrate the Fourth of July. What does it mean to you to be American? Does it make you proud? Is it in alignment with your values? If not, what choices can you make to bridge the gap? Don't discount the power of your freedom. 
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